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L.N.S.A, Chapter 1: So It Begins

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alma, sin, los nino, military, thriller, fiction, jesse, lnsa
1st
Draft

Published on:

Mar. 30, 2008, 6:14am

Word Count:

3889

Last Edited:

Mar. 30, 2008, 6:29am

Work Description

They were believe to be dead, but how wrong they were. Now the group known as the Los Nino’s Sin Alma ( The Children Without Souls) have one thing in mind, the total demise of every living thing.

Chapter Description

They were believe to be dead, but how wrong they were.

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Chapter: 1
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Print WorkPrint very attractive and sexy man. One that

you wouldn’t kick out of bed." That earned some chuckles from the soldiers and a smile on Nina’s face.

 

"So, the General wanted to see me?" Nina asked.

 

Ruzo's smile diminished instantly. "He’s got Abe, Annie and Yuri in there too. I’m not sure what happened, but, whatever it is, it’s big."

 

"Let me in." Nina prayed it was nothing to panic about, but that wouldn’t be the case.

 

 

 

Iceland

4:09 A.M

 

Nolan: What’s going on out there, guys?

 

Pete: There’s no sign of anyone here.

 

Nolan: Shit.

 

Pete: Have you been able to get in touch with anyone at the base?

 

Nolan: I’ve tried, but no one’s picking up.

 

Pete: Or, they blocked us.

 

Nolan: That’s impossible.

 

Pete: Believe what you want, man, but something is up.

 

Nolan: Look, just find Ron and everyone else.

 

Pete: Oh, shit.

 

Nolan: What?

 

Pete: We found them.

 

Nolan: Are they alive?

 

Pete: Hell no.

 

Nolan: Jesus.

 

Pete: Whoever did this isn’t human.

 

Nolan: Get your ass back here ASAP!

 

Pete: You don’t have to tell me twice.

 

Nolan: I’ll try the base again.

 

 

Underground Base

4:15 AM

 

Fools, that’s what they are. Unaware what’s really happing, they can look and look for the problem plaguing the system, but, it won’t do them any good. We have control of everything now, just as Serj planned. These miserable insects will face a fate like none other and I have front seats to this total destruction. The pleasure I’m feeling is like nothing

I’ve ever felt before, it brings a cold, arousing shiver around my body. But, I must wait. They should be here in an hour or two. Then that’s when the party should begin.

 

Iceland

4: 20 A.M

 

Nolan: Pete, where are you guys? You should have been here by now.

 

???: Hello.

 

Nolan: Who's this?

 

???: The blood of your men wasn’t enough to satisfy my hunger.

 

Nolan: Who the fuck is this?

 

???: Perhaps yours will.

 

Nolan: What have you done to them?!

 

???: I still have one alive, do you want to talk to him?

 

Pete: Help me! Please!

 

???: Mmm, he smells so sweet.

 

Nolan: You son of a bitch! I swear to God, if you touch a hair on him...

 

???: I can’t help myself. I need to hear his screams.

 

Nolan: Pete!

 

Pete: AHHH!

 

Nolan: Jesus no, Pete, for the love of God!

 

Iceland

8 Miles off Outpost 1

4:25 A.M

Vladimir Gurlukovich's sights remind fix on the activity happing a couple miles away from his position. His men all stood waiting for the word to advance, some becoming restless over boredom, all wanting a piece of the action that had been transpiring just a couple of minutes ago, yet they remind on the sideline as two people went to take care

of the troops blocking the path.

 

Some of them doubted whether the beast named Hex and woman name Ivy could clear so many heavily armed troops, blocking their entrance. The only person who

seemed to have faith in them was Serj, a man who called the beast Hex his brother, and the woman Ivy his sister. It was he who was leading this attack.

 

Serj stood over the edge of the cliff as if he seemed to scan the area with his pure cold stone eyes. As though he could see what outcome had befallen his brother and

sister."Get ready to move." His cold, hollow voice ordered. " They’ve cleared the path for us."

 

Gurlukovish doubted Serj’s order. There was no way two people could rid that many troops so easily. It was impossible. It would be a dog fight for anyone who walked into that minefield. "How do you know this? We haven’t received a call from them, for all we know, they could be dead."

 

Serj smirked at Gurlukovish's responses, he knew his old Russian friend was a hard one to convince. "You must have faith in me ,comrade. I would never put your lives in danger." Serj walked towards Gurlukovish, standing face to face with him. "Now, I hate to repeat myself, again, get your men ready. Walking through these snowy conditions will prove to be

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Discussion

 To be honest with you, this is very hard to read, line by line dialogue, with no sense of setting or character, just straight dialogue.  I think it would all be enhanced if written in a traditional style, giving the readers a sense of what's going on, it'd be much easier to read. Just my opinion.  Hope it helps.

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