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All Critiques and Comments
Showing 12 of 13 critiques and comments.
On un-born again, by matthew vanhorn: I enjoyed this peice. You conveyed a lifetime in a few
lines. I get the underlying religious meaning but you do not hav... » Read more...
On Rise Against, Chapter 1: 1-3, by Jim Kelley: Rusti,
Yes this is a series and I have the scdond one done. i know a
lot of work has to be done, but the story is... » Read more...
On Broken Wing, by FireFly747: I do not know where you are with your writing, but let
some more fly.
This poem is O.K. and it is well thought out. You... » Read more...
On Unleashed, by Kajikawa Niigata: Ive only read th first couple of pages thus far but am
very intersted in the story.
A few things chopped up tthe read a... » Read more...
On Ashes in Winter, Chapter 1, by The Haunter in the Dork: One more thing I forgot. I do not think you need the scene
break on page two(#). You do not seem to e changing the POV ... » Read more...
On Ashes in Winter, Chapter 1, by The Haunter in the Dork: A couple of things for you to ponder
I enjoyed reading this and i think you have a great idea.
I think you use the word... » Read more...
On Spiritual Breathing, by Angel w o Wings: I enjoyed tis work very much. I read two of your other
works and this hit me the most. I felt as though I was reading
l... » Read more...
On Ceci n'est pas une pipe. (this is not a pipe), by Allie Hueperts: The poem flows nicely. I read it a few times and inserted
my own breaks at points where you begin to describe different... » Read more...
On Into The Sunset, by Sarah B: I Like the poem. I think you did a good job. I agree with
Angel about the triteness of words.
Also I think you could ma... » Read more...
On Scamper, by panicnight26: Good read. What age group are you shooting for here? Is
this a kids book?
I would suggest seperating the dialogue from ... » Read more...
On The Last Card, by Alice Jane: Good story.
Some of the paragraphs run a bit too long , so you need to find
some breaks and cut them down. It will be m... » Read more...
On The Best Jumper, by Brittany:
Good story.
A couple of things to ponder:
You use the word had a lot. Try reading it aloud ... » Read more...