Obsessions, Chapter 3
short story, thriller
Published on:
July 6, 9:10amWord Count:
2071Work Description
Ever wonder what things looked like from the eyes of the crazy guy?
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I might have dozed off at some point of the night, but the rays of light from the rising sun awoke me. Startled that I may have missed the man leaving the house, I quickly shook sleep from my mind and looked over the window sill. I sighed with relief when I saw that his car was still there.
Getting up, I grabbed my pistol and slid it in the belt of my jeans and covered it with my shirt. I grabbed the box of bullets, dumped the remaining rounds in my palm, and divided the little brass trinkets evenly between my front pockets to reduce the bulge. There were eight rounds in each pocket, enough for two more full clips. More than enough to take down that bastard that was holding Rachael from me.
A thought suddenly struck me: what if I was being expected? What if they were seducing Rachael in an attempt to lure me into a trap? They were after me too, after all. Who’s to say this wasn’t one of their schemes?
No matter. I was willing to risk the chance of a trap for Rachael. The .45 carried a lot of firepower and was a reliable. It would be more that enough to kill anyone who stood in my way.
I walked down the stairs and left the hollow house out of the front door. Without the “for sale” sign, people would not think twice about seeing me leaving the house. I walked over to the truck and climbed into the driver’s seat. The pistol dug into my back painfully, so I removed it from my belt and stuck it in the glove compartment.
I looked out the rear-view mirror. Rachael’s house was still. I looked at my watch; it was only a matter of time before the man would leave for work. I would follow him there; find out where the scum worked.
Ten minutes passed and the man finally walked out the door. He wore a suit and carried a black suitcase in one hand. So he was a corporate type. It made sense. The corporations were always trying to tear down everyone else, hold them under their thumb. They were strong, their power backed by their deep pockets. Their wealth was exceeded only by their greed for power and more money. I knew of their trickeries, and that’s why they wanted me dead. I could expose them, topple their whole operation. But I lacked the resources to do so, so for the time being I was controllable to them. We’ll see.
The man, the pawn of the corporations, a rotten mole infiltrating the beautiful life of Rachael stepped out of the house. Rachael came up behind him, beautiful and breathtaking in her nightgown. The man hesitated and turned back to kiss Rachael. I felt my grip on the steering wheel tighten to the point it hurt. That scum, that cankerous, disease ridden sore on the back-side of Satan’s ass. How dare he touch her, defile her with his touch?
Gaining control over myself, I managed to keep my hands from shaking with rage long enough to start the truck. I sat there and waited for the man to climb into the car and pull out of the driveway before pulling out and following him down the street.
I made sure to stay at least two cars away from him as I followed him onto the freeway. While there was no hope that he would recognize me, as we have never met before, perhaps the company he worked for knew of the threat I imposed to them and had put out a warning to its employees. Or if this was a trap, then he would surely recognize me. There was no way to be sure.
The drive was only a half-hour long, and rush hour traffic wasn’t too bad. We made it to the city and I stalked him to the building he worked at. It was a tall corporate building belonging to Tekno Inc. So this was the company who was after me.
The man turned into a subterranean parking structure
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Discussion
This story is amazing. I love how you picked the man's point of view, where other authors would probably pick the girl's point of view to write in. You describe his thoughts so well, to the point where you can understand how he thinks he's being logical, when he is really insane. Very nice job, I can't wait to read the next chapter!



Great job, again. The way the plot line progresses is addicting. Just a couple sentences that you may want to change - these things jump out at me...
I think this sentence would flow better if you put in some more punctuation - maybe if it was written with some dashes: The man - the pawn of the corporations, a rotten mole infiltrating the beautiful life of Rachael - stepped out of the house. This may not be proper grammar (I'm definitely no expert) so feel free to stick with what you've got.
It feels like this one is a little unnecessary. You set it up well with him overhearing the name Dawson - but when you mention the "opportunity" it threw me off. It made me think for a minute or two that he was going to kill him in that same scene. After a while I realized that by "opportunity" you meant the opportunity to find out which office. Maybe if you said "I had the information I needed" or something along those lines...
This bit's a little choppy. I think what you're trying to say is that he sleeps with some girls because he hopes they also like to be tied up. I would reword, though.
And one minor thing, too - the narrator said he needed to tell Rachael/Rebecca why he was going to kill Dawson before he actually did any killing. Right now it seems like that plan went out the window, what with knocking her out cold and all. If the explanation's going to transpire in the next chapter, I apologize. Or maybe it's just another lapse in his rational thinking.
Thanks for writing another great chapter; I look forward to reading the next.