This is very interesting.  I feel like I'm sitting with an old grandpa, hearing him reminisce about the good ol' days, and how the time we live in now...well, it sucks.   

This poem/prose is strangely comforting.  Whenever you hear someone recite their views with unbridled passion, it makes for a very enticing piece of work.  

I think I saw a few grammar mistakes.  You might want to give this another look.   

This was my favorite line:

Like a negative planetarium
we populate this world
into a place where the stars are the sky and the sky is blinding.

This was a great piece of writing to get me to think.  And as a writer, you want to create something that will stay with the minds of your readers.  You have achieved just that. 

 I read this.  I reread this.  There is no doubt that it's an interesting bit of prose, my problem lies in the fact that i have no idea exactly what you are talking about at any point in this poem.  It seems to me an impassioned bout of freeform poetry.  If that was the goal, you have succeeded.  If you were going for anything beyond that, I'm afraid it was lost on me.  I would also recommend another quick pass through with the red pen as well; I noticed nothing major, just a few missed capitalizations and some spacing issues, easily fixed.  Also, at times the language used here struck me as somewhat in conflict with the tone of the work.  There is no doubt you have a very firm grasp of the english language, but some of the wording struck me as uncessarily grandoise.  Merely something to consider.  All in all, I enjoyed reading this poem (twice, even!).  Keep it up!

I think this is a good start, but have to agree with Ben.  It's kind of all over the place.  That's not necessarily bad per se, but it does make for confusing reading sometimes.

The biggest problem I had with it was some of the language in it.  Sometimes it seems like you're using big words just to use them, and I think that really throws off the effect that some of the lines could have.

to see anything of value I can assimilate into my chameleon nature.

This is far and away the worst case.  It's just too long compared to the rest of the lines about it, and it really throws off the rhythm.

there's a false sense of security around
every corner
in the city of hope,
hope,
hope goddammit. Don't you got any hope in ya boy?
Don't you know there are people walking around NYC
with a smile plastered on,
actually making eye contact,
and brightening each other's day!

I really liked this section, although the underlined sentence again bothers me.  I think just "Don't you know there's people out there" would work just as well.  Why mention a specific city?

like a broken time machine,
fixed and clockless

The first time I read this I had trouble with "broken" and "fixed", but then I remembered that "fixed" could mean something else (as in: fixed in time, not moving).  Nice!

and black boys get jumped by four white men
who kept shouting, "O*#+#"
but would that ever make the news
if the situation were the other way around?

This part is kind of... eh.  Why the censorship, for one thing?  And I'm pretty sure it would make the news just as much the other way around, for another.

Gyrated onto the stage
and his hips was screaming--
they was screaming:
"collide with this rocknrollmusic and know that I am GOD."

The "was" bothered me after "hips", but when you did it again, I had no problem with it at all. 

Collide, though, is bothersome still.  Try for a different verb that maybe fits in more with the whole televangelist feel that you've got going in the rest of the section.

I sit collecting my thoughts for the evening:

this one broke a string--atonement must be made and reparations are in good order

this one shattered--when junky armed rage builds to its fever pitch symphony, things get trashed.

and this one never sounded good in the first place--we only keep it around for aesthetic purposes anymore.

Is it the thoughts we're talking about here, or something else entirely?  It isn't really clear, which I suppose could be what you were going for in the first place.  I don't care much for the "aesthetic purposes" line, but this is a case where you can get away with the verbose sentences, because there's a whole section of them and it doesn't jar with the lines nearby.

and we are only cauldrons waiting for soup
hoping for chicken
dreading the inevitable chowder
and its consequent thick crustings like afterbirth

I like this.  Very evocative (if kind of gross) imagery.  Well done.

or the government officially eavesdropping on each syllable
hoping to rationalize your existence
before you decide to wage jihad on all their asses.

This is okay, but the "on all their asses" thing was kind of eh.  Could be better, I thought.

I liked it in general, though.  With a bit of polish I think it'd be great.

This poet's writing style far, far removed from the way I compose my poetry, I am absolutely fascinated by this poem. It  is observant, compassionate, seems critical of the world and embracing it at the same time. In other words, it is so wonderfully different that I love it.

Also: I just hit the critique button and am not sure what it registered. I was waiting to make my choice when it suddenly clicked and disappeared. My dear poet, I do hope that the critique that was sent to you page was very good. It's what I had intended it to be.

Good luck to you! I'll be watching for more of your intriguing work.

This is definitely an eye-catcher and for a number of reasons too. The poem itself is very observant. You use a lot of imagery to send a pretty distorted message, which is still quite unclear to me, but I believe there is something there, whatever it is. Perhaps you can tell me; I'd really like to know.

Some things I would suggest revising include the long sentences such as (bolded lines):

I watch closely
to see anything of value I can assimilate into my chameleon nature.
there's a false sense of security around

and,

well for one--fearless
ignorance and bliss once again wed in all you can eat buffet fashion.
come get you some

I'm not so sure they are necessary for the flow of your poem. I only say this because your poetry sounds a lot like "Beat poetry", you know Allen Ginsberg and Gregery Corso. I stumbled over those few long lines and it takes away from the nature of your poem, which as you should know as a poet can be harmful.

I wouldn't worry about the grammar, spelling, or punctuation so much. It seems a lot more effective the way you use it (or don't use it), with the numerous grammatical and spelling errors. It really works for this poem. I wouldn't make it habit, though.

Keep up the good work Josiah! I hope to see more of your pieces online soon. =D