First of all, GREAT IMAGERY! Also, great use of "dime words" instead of the standard fare. Usually I am not a huge fan of freeform style (though I have experimented with it a bit) but your vivid descriptions and unique metaphors more than won me over this time.

Also, your work is a great commentary on our modern human condition. The barista begruding those who buy coffee from her. The classic pretentious suit ordering the drink he can only half pronounce. I was quite confused by the dark tone when I felt that the voice of the author (not necessarily the narrator) was actually a bit light. However, it all came together perfectly at the end with your smart twist. Great coffee simile at the end too to transition to the twist.

I don't have many real criticisms for you. Personally, I feel that a lot of times freeform writers create their lines so short that one begins to rush through them as there is no real sense of meter or syllabic rhythm. However, most of your lines are phrases or detailed descriptions and they give me enough meat to chew on and get me on pace.

Great work! It was a nice surprise before I turned in for the night.

 

Anger rises in my chest like bile while ice begins to form in the corners of my eyes;

My face freezes also, becomes porcelain and impersonal, a mask of courtesy,

Lips curving slightly, head tilted attentively.

 

Let me start by saying, I loved it!!!

The intro gives me a picturesque vision of feelings and emotions, setting the mood for the rest of the poem. The second line, however, in my opinion doesn't need the word 'also,' it would do better without it.

Only my eyes

Twin portals into Hell's frozen core

Betray the hate curling around my heart,

First rising lazily, smoky tendrils

(Somehow seductive)

That gain substance and tighten like steel bands,

squeezing out feeling

Dripping and tasty,

so hot it burns.

 

 

I really loved your choice of words here, which gives me a more clear cut image of anger towards the 'be all, end all' sociality today.

The rest of the poem is very well written. Me likey!!!!

I figured this spot was as good as any to ask for a moment of silence today as Starbucks closed every location for 3 and a half hours in order to better train their baristas.

May they find happiness and worth in their work

So much hate! 

I love when poems have hate, but don't come right out and say it.  I think that's what makes it more emotional, especially to the reader. 

Omg, I love that so much. The imagery is really flawless. I loved how you started, how you ended: I loved it all. Everything is so fluid, too. I tried once to write something about hell, and I involved the name of the 9^th circle of hell as if I had seen and knew the place myself, and it just didn’t work (obviously), whereas the way you included it was simpler than I thought of. I love the image of such bottomless anger that hell is rising up inside you, yet “The rage turns cold” and you could freeze hell with your cold demeanor to this patron. I love that such a huge furnace of anger is burning inside, yet its only outlets are your eyes. And I think it’s brilliant how you formed a whole poem out of one glance, one sentence, one encounter with an unruly person and brought it to another level of human interaction. I have no criticism for you; only praise, awe and admiration (and jealousy).

The most important things…are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings - words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out. –Stephen King

I think you did a flawless job of confining the timeless, bottomless emotion of rage to what it feels like when it’s at its boiling point in words so that it didn't shrink at all.

I am a barista and this piece was magic to me. Great way to portray the hostile feelings that a barista, or anyone in the food industry for that matter, feel while dealing with customers. I especially like the first three lines. You constructed the feeling very well. This was a good piece. I'm glad I decided to read more of your work. This definitely won't be the last piece of yours that I read.

 I like this. everyone has those days where something small just about throws us over the edge. when you jump from the first section to the second, you change the pace dramatically. Risky move, but it goes well. Very well described; you detail anger very well. i like how you make it all sinister throughout the piece, but in the end it was something as simple as an annoying customer. I think the main character definetly needs to take a breather.