thanks for taking the time to read my poem , i wrote that poem for my boyfriend who was in the marines , he was in a war of some kind also , and he remembers how bad it was over there , he said some lady wanted them to take her little boy back to the states but they couldnt , they had to give the baby back and it was so hard cause the mom cryed for their help, thanks again for reading my poem,

Hello! Thanks for the critique on helping me on that story. It was my very first horror based story so I thought that I would need some help. You can come back and read it again, as if I have edited it to your specs.

Hey Kieran. Thanks for the critique! I'll definitely will try to polish this up to a better second draft, which I've never done before! I often get these ideas for quick sketches that I just need to get out on paper, but then it's done. I'm not sure if there IS any more to tell in this story. More or less the narrator is just meditating on himself. Well that's at least how i felt when I wrote it. Hopefully with other ideas I'll be able to draw something longer. This might come off as a bit pretentious (sorry haha), but more often than not, I feel like I don't really participate in my story, the idea just comes, and I just write it down. Looking forward to reading some of your work!

No Problem. I have a couple pieces on drugs and sobriety and such and I had similar comments on the adult content - so I thought I would mention it. I enjoy the work though - you have a way with the language the makes it work

Oh, I never took you for a jerk. Quite the opposite. No one who finds humor in South Park can be a jerk.

I'm glad your posting more because I don't want to try to critique your poetry. Then you'd add, "People ignorant of poetry" to your list and I'd sink lower and lower...

Hey! Thanks for the review! I just stopped to let you know that you should write and post chapter 2. I'm want to know more. By the way, I'm a feminist, but I hate Hippies. Do they cancel each other out? (grinning)

Thanks for pointing out the awkward spots in my poem. I'll definitely try to work those out!

You're welcome. That's what I love about this site. Just because something sounds right to you, doesn't mean it reads right to others. I do that alllll the time. I look forward to reading more of your work.

well there's certainly a lot that you put in there. Don't feel bad about being negative or a jerk or whatever, people have their likes and dislikes. I like fantasy, you don't, for example. And hey, there's a quote that goes "if it rains on my parade, I'll just dance in it", if you understand me. I appreciate criticism, else I don't know how to improve, so long as it's not destructive, which is neither here nor there because you put a disclaimer at the end, haha! And as for AIM speak, I see what you mean. I never thought of it that way (at least I didn't say "u" or "lol" in there somewhere, right? ). Thanks for the critique though!