A Fixed Match
flash fiction, noir, experimental prose, pulp
Published on:
April 11, 9:24amWord Count:
267Work Description
A man puts everything on the line for a fixed bet.
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chunk---revolver clicks open to the left like a trap door.
six gaping mouths let dim warm light through to contrast against black gun metal
--glimmering brass with “.38 S&W” stamped in hard like the numbers on a pill.
Finger one cool bright cartridge and clink into the chamber---I’ve seen this movie before, I know how it ends.
--whirr whirr chunk--
--daintily hold the fake wood cowboy grip of the Saturday special between my thumb and index finger like it’s a lace handkerchief. Gently lower it to the particleboard table.
I have a fifth of Johnnie Walker Red scattering light on my left hand and this vulgar black beast resting beneath my right. They are both the same drink really, the only difference is the duration of the effects. So am I gonna take another shot of scotch or a shot of Smith and Wesson tonight? We’ll throw the bones over it.
--pull the hammer back.
I don’t even pretend to wince in anticipation, there’s no audience here.
--click--
I draw a deep burning draught straight from the bottom of the bottle.
The mangy black cat my wife left me is pawing at something in the corner. It’s his turn to try luck. Five chambers left; he’s got 25% odds of getting the magic chamber. I level the stub-nose revolver at the cat.
--click--
20% odds with four chambers left.
--click click click--
My God, that cat has some remarkable luck.
I place the cool calm barrel to my temple. Ask any gambler, there’s no better bet than a fixed match…
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I have to disagree with the critique above me. I find the form quite interesting. It kept my attention well and the style of this made me believe the character was in a sort of old western setting. I guess it was just because of the "Bad ass," aspect of it through most of the piece. Just a very cool piece of work write here. The end definatly made me smile although it was meant to be dark. It was just written in such a cool manner. I guess the only real problem I have with it is that I think it could be expanded a bit more. You could possibly explain why his wife left him, this has a lot more potential in my eyes. It just seems like you really had fun writing it.
This is a great momlogue, for instance, with the western-like background, it draws you back to the cowboy days and you have to remember. Back then, men were 10 times more proud, egotistically I mean, nnot in a bad way, but on how they related to problems.
Such as, his wife leaving him. Back then, men fell "In Love" just like women. And everyone knows, still today, that people commit suicide over loved ones leaving them, my first cousin was proof of that in 1980's. Many people would disagree on taking the easy way out, mainly because they're too scared and knows what faces them during their judgement with the Gods and Goddesses, but there's a few......
Anyway, it took me back to then, so, I thought it was a very layed out story.
- EFSage
I like that you experimented with form. It actually reminded me a lot of Frank Miller's writing style. The thoughts of the narrator showed the action. I think if you want to get something like this published you'd, unfortunately, have to give it more structure. Good read. Thanks for sharing.
Wow, this is strong stuff. I was a little taken aback by the first few lines; perhaps a couple too many dashes for my reading taste.
I am impressed by the following quote from the work. It gives great insight into this character's psyche in my opinion.
"They are both the same drink really, the only difference is the duration of the effects. So am I gonna take another shot of scotch or a shot of Smith and Wesson tonight?"
Keep up the good work!
xvermonter
First of all, I respect the novel and creative form you took with the piece. It's interesting, to say the least, and I appreciate you for sharing.
However, I personally found the onomatopeia's like 'chunk' and 'whirr whirr' annoying and repetitive after a few times. I wasn't sure I totally understood the piece because it's difficult to navigate through. The sentence about the liquor was kind of clunky, albeit clever.
After reading through a few times, I like the piece and I think it's very short and cynical and witty. I would say you kind of need to clean up the form a bit, and polish it off a bit. If this is your first effort, however, fantastic and well-done.