Thanks for sharing your story, Lauren! I'm really into biographies. I am rearely content to not know the author of a work that I love. At one time in my life, not so long ago, I hated knowing about the author of the great work. (I know I'm echoing a sentiment from some book.....The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, I think) Because I would read something great and beautiful and perfect and then find out the author was a child molestor or an alcoholic, or whatever. And that would really depress me.

But now it doesn't bother me. It now inspires me to see such beauty, such....perfection come from some wretched humans. I think that it is vital that we realize both...1. we are flawed 2 we are capable of greatness. That's the human story in my view. Anyways, I'm more rambling than critiquing now. I just wanted to let you know that I still love you even though you hate basketball!

Well, I wasn’t sure what to think about or critique about the writing aspect of this piece because it’s obviously so personal. I understand it is what it is. I was just wondering if perhaps you thought about it more since you put your thoughts to paper.

Rearranged, reduced and written differently you could make it a poem. Develop it more and you could make quite the story many can relate to. Or just keep it as is because that’s the way it’s meant.

I’m just saying that there is the potential for a more elaborated story in your midst. It’s all up to you. You’ve went out on a limb but stopped half way. Perhaps this is something you’d like to explore -I don’t know. As a reader I find myself wanting to hear why your life is like a comedy, romance, horror, tragedy and Sci-Fi like. What brought you to both hate and rely on Basketball? What was it like -your first experience kissing boy’s and girl’s. Why are you terrified of heights? What are your strange hobbies? What causes your dad to be your best friend? Why do you like Brown of all colors?

You came closest to story-like conditions with the following line:

Sometimes I feel like unhappiness follows me...and that being miserable is something I do best, like an art form I have mastered but I refuse to let that be the story of my life.

I didn’t write this to offend or pry. Just wondering is all.

 I'm sorry, but i felt like i needed to do more than just give Dylan a 5 star rating on his critique. I have to chime in and say that i felt exactly the same way Dylan did. I think that you could develop this into a story, as I'm am very captivated by biograpy, not for the pure facts of your life, but to understand the thinking that led you to where and who and what you are. I'd love to see you develop a sort of "story of your life".

I'm going to agree that this would make a great poem, but please don't ever use an ellipsis again. It just becomes old, boring, unintelligent filler. There are times when writing doesn't need to physically trail off, because the voice that you write in will do that itself. Other times, there are much more mature forms of punctuation to use. Ellipses = awful, please no.

This would make a much better poem than a short story or novel, and here's why-- as nice and refreshing and self-satisfying as it is to sit down and write about yourself and figure out things about yourself in the process, it turns out that you're pretty much just like everyone else. Everyone else has quirks that they would write about in a short little essay/blurb/I'm not sure what to call this. Make it into a novel, and you're just jerking yourself off onto paper. Make a poem, and it's something concise and meaningful that people can relate to. A poem is short enough to be enjoyable, but a novel would be absolutely too much sitting around and finding yourself special. I, at least, would get bored of it very quickly.

This piece that you have here could is currently at a great length-- it could be shortened, and still retain it's meaning. Any longer, though, and you'd lose many people's interest.