Love and Life, Chapter 2: The End of this Love
romance, life, love, february contest
Published on:
February 17, 11:49amWord Count:
283Last Edited:
February 22, 7:50pmWork Description
I don't consider my work...poetry...more like feelings and emotions down on paper... just random thoughts more or less about love and life.
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I'm trying to move on, but I can't let you go
The memories of our past, they make me want to hold on.
Your smile and your face, your lips and your eyes,
your beauty is forever and forever I'll be...
waiting on you, waiting on you, waiting on you to change your
mind.
Gave you all I had, never took away
My heart belongs to you and that's where it's going to stay
Dreams about our future, thoughts about today,can't help but have
fears that you'll never love me this way...
My heart still beats when I hear your name, and butterflies flutter
in my stomach when I see your face... Yet, I wonder if your heart
beats the same way mine does...
You stole my heart, but then again I was willing to give it to you
so freely.
I gave you piece by piece, until you had all of it in your
hands.
What would you do with something so special? Hold it genty, grasp
onto it with all your might and suffocate it, or let it slip
through your finger tips...
You let it go, you let it crumble into tiny pieces, and fade
away... the pieces blew away in the wind... and now they are
floating...
Floating around, scattered everywhere...
Now I am searching for them... looking everywhere to salvage what I
have left. I will try my best to mend them back together...
I have learned alot from this...
maybe love does not exist,
or maybe I do not deserve love...
but maybe love does exist, maybe I do deserve love, however maybe I
don't deserve love from you... or maybe you just don't deserve
me.
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***I like this piece the most of all, from what you have written so far. It still shows the feelings of heartache but it also shows feelings and descriptions of you starting to heal. You realize what has happened and yet you have hope of regaining what you have lost. The feelings you had with this person who has crushed your heart still makes it feel alive even if it is shadows of what used to be. Think about it, he makes what you have left of your heart (yes there is some left, there always is) still beat and lets you know you are alive! I especially like the part in the end when you realize maybe he doesn't deserve you after all!! Probably never did... the kind of love you offer is not for the faint of heart... He wasn't up to the challenge! Great writing! I look forward to more...***
Overall this poem is pretty good, but about halfway through it starts to lose structure and you really lost me on it.
My heart still beats when I hear your name, and butterflies flutter in my stomach when I see your face... Yet, I wonder if your heart beats the same way mine does...
This line especially throws you off, you were rhyming throughout the first chapter and half of this chapter, and then you all of a sudden switch to non-rhyming. It really throws off the flow of the poem.
You let it go, you let it crumble into tiny pieces, and fade away... the pieces blew away in the wind... and now they are floating...
Floating around, scattered everywhere...
The repetition of pieces is kind of redundant, I think you could still get the point across with replacing the second pieces with they.
But overall this is good so far!
I appreciate your advice...
but in all honesty I am not trying to write a poem...no meter and my rhyming is mainly unintentional...
I am simply writing whatever comes in to my mind... I consider it more prose or biography
You have a brilliant way of writing your emotions that fit best with the rhythm of the poem down on paper. I enjoyed the emotional romancing in each and every line that you crafted with the uniqueness of your poem. Very romantic indeed!