You're welcome.
Yes, I have read many Fantasy novels. When the Kings Own can't protect him, aren't those guards useless? Aren't they supposed to be the Elite soldiers? Now, if your MC evaded the guards, or 'gave up' to get some information, that would make more sense.

Hello Logan,
I think it's an improvement (of course, I would) just make sure you spread that advice out to the rest of the story as you right. The main points to remember are:
1. Avoid repetition in words or ideas.
2. Avoid passive voice (get rid of was or were whenever possible)
3. Stay outside the character's head unless that is the only way to get out the needed information.

You have a solid base to work on there. I'm looking forward to reading more.

-Ben

hey, logan--
thanks for your comments on my 'high tide' poem!
regarding the karma pts sitch, i believe the pts rewarded for critiques has been increased, as well. an in-depth critique will earn you loads of karma. so, it evens out, really. essentially, the system rewards folks who offer intensive feedback while making publishing our work more of an investment. i'm liking it so far!

Logan! Thanks for both of your great critiques! I really appreciate your comments and will definitely be returning the favor once I return - I'm out of coutnry until the end of the month.

Logan,

I have some thoughts on how to improve the situation you mentioned in the Mentoring Motorcar Circle. Republish your second chapter and I will place them where they go. Let me know when you do so and I will post a critique.
-Ben

Hey---Logan. Welcome to Romance Writers Saturdays!: The circle where you can post works on a Saturday! You can read my works on there too! Enjoy them!

hey logan-- joined your circle writers galore. i have a few novels im working on as you know and will publish them to your circle for all to read!!!
~Fainne

Hey! Remember to read my works like you said you would. I am very busy at the moment, trying to do a short story for all of scribophile to enjoy! What do you think? Write back soon!

Hey, Logan. Sorry that I did not critique chapter 2 last night. I had a story that I wanted to publish. When I critique chapter 2, I will give you tips on finishing your novels,
Gotta, go! Bye

Hello, Logan. I just commented on your work. You can come by my profile and comment on some of my works! Just click my name, scroll down from my profile to latest works and you should see latest works. I hope that you enjoy them and myabe become a fan of me! Take care now

yes logan- i would love to read and crit destiny! it sounds very interesting and i am looking forward to reading it. all4now!
~Fainne

hello logan-- if you could maybe stop by and critique Musings??? that would be really great, as i have very recently made lotsa edits and want to know what the effect is. thanks!
~Fainne

thank you for the critique! yes, i can see how the eldest daughter announcing the contest for the throne could be a litttle confusing, but there is no king (i guess that should be said in the story). the next chapter might be a little confusing on how it jumps from one scene to a completely different one, but it willl make sense later! im sort of doing the same jumping scenes thing as brian jacques does in his redwall books. you should read Island Conspiracy if you liked this work. its very different but has a similar style
~Fainne

Hello, Loga. Any works that you want to read, then please contact me on my scratchpad or with an instant message. I do have Heart of Ice, though it is not finished.

Hello, Logan here is a, tip. Make your setting have a twist and turns rather than make your characters just kiss all through the story. Whaddyathink? Also, wanna read my works now? Just click my name, scroll down to recently published works and read Heart of Ice. It is not finished but I hope that you enjoy!

Hey logan- if you need any feedback on your writing, i would love to help! lemme know and post something soon!

Hello, Logan. Great idea and if you need help with your novel, I will feel free to do so.