Thanks for the critique. gave me lots to think about. There's a difficult line between overcomplicating stuff and trying to make the reader figure stuff out... You're right about the matilda references, they are awkward, but I somehow I want to get them onto the 1st page. It's the USP, more or less.

Hey lopex, welcome to scribophile. nice review of the goblin in the river thing. Seems like you have an eye for younger readers stuff. It'd be cool if you could have a look at my story, in the new members queue... don't worry if you can't read it all...

Welcome to Scribophile!