Something's gone all weird with this one: it has "4" pages, but the first two are totally blank and don't even show up.  No idea what could be causing that.  Maybe some page breaks in it?

I'll read and critique later

Hello Louisa, there is enough here to make it worthwhile to make it work. If that makes sense. But - here we go:

You speak as "I" and therefore ought to be unable to tell us what this woman feels, because there's just no way you'd know. You could tell us that you felt she thought, that you thought she may, etc.

“I suppose,” Ruth wonders where this conversation will lead, since it’s traveling faster and faster away from her husband. She sighs with relief. Thank you. “We do something similar in my birthday club.”

How can the narrator know what "Ruth wonders" unless she's explained it?  And, for example:

Well,” Ruth grasps the present and feels the pain subside sweetly.

How does the narrator "I" know what Ruth feels? That 'the pain subisdes sweetly'? Did Ruth say so?

Also, it never becomes clear whether those boys are HER brothers or her kids. Well, of course, after a while, with careful reading and thinking about it, we know they are her kids (I suppose). But you refer to 'the brothers', 'the boys' ... it would be good to understand how they relate right from the start.

And then, I still don't know more about Ruth when I finished than when I started. If this is a character study, we have to learn more about Ruth from what she says about herself and her relationship with her boys, and why exactly they are overseas and how she misses them (or not).

“Right! We always do that. Why not try something different.” And that’s when I feel the rush of energy between us; it grows and vanishes in an instant. Both of us feel the peace. We want to stay forever, but we don’t.

How do you, the narrator, know, that this woman shares what you feel? You THINK you found a point of 'complicity', but you can't know for sure until she confirms it. How do you know that both of you feel the peace? Does she want to stay forever? Did she indicate this in any way?

etc ...

What I am trying to say are two things: (a) the narrator assumes too much and/or (b) the woman doesn't tell us enough.

Ruth realizes how present we have become. There’s no use spending time here any longer. She is needed somewhere else. She slowly walks away without buying the shirts for the four boys in Germany in the cartoonish green fields, boys that now only exist in the back corners of her mind.

I don't understand this. Where is she needed and how does the narrator know this? And how does the narrator know that the boys now 'only exist in the back corners of her mind'?

A large part of what was going to be my critique has already been covered by Rose: Pick a point-of-view and stick with it.  The jumping around between 3rd person omnicient and 1st person is a little confusing (unless the cashier is an itinerant deity, in which case you should make that more clear!).

I do have a few other things to mention as well, though.  The dialogue sounds largely stilted and unnatural.

“I am shopping for four large T-shirts that have to be the same. All I see is three that are alike in any one color.”

Can you see yourself saying this in any situation?  Something like "I'm looking for some T-shirts.  I need four of the same kind, but all I can find is three."  Even that's not very good.  If you're not afraid of getting arrested for looking weird, I suggest going to a shopping mall, standing or sitting around near a cash register, and recording or listening to some conversations.  It should give you a better idea of how people sound in real life.  I have a hard time with dialogue, as well, so I can relate.

When we finally settle into a friendly banter, it comes down to reminiscing about decisions, decisions made by two women left without men in their lives, lives absent of husbandry and the finer details associated with it, like having men make the decisions we’d rather push aside or deciding to talk about them as if they are sitting at home waiting.

This sentence has a few problems.  I'm not sure two complete strangers would reminisce about the problems caused by a lack of husbands.  By the way, "husbandry" doesn't mean "husbands"!  "husbandry" means: "The business or occupation of a husbandman or farmer; tillage or cultivation of the soil (including also the rearing of live stock and poultry, and sometimes extended to that of bees, silkworms, etc.); agriculture, farming."  So that should certainly be changed.

Another problem with that sentence is commas.  There are too many things trying to happen in it and the clauses get all mixed up.  As an example,

like having men make the decisions we’d rather push aside or deciding to talk about them as if they are sitting at home waiting.

What this last part actually says (though I know how you meant it) is:  "having men ... deciding to talk about them [the decisions we'd rather push aside] as if they're sitting at home waiting."  In any case where you have an "or" or an "and", cut out a few of the bits immediately before that word and see if the sentence still makes sense.  In this case, it doesn't really work.

Rewriting into a few sentences will fix this up:

Eventually, we settle into friendly banter.  Typical of two women whose lives have been bereft of husbands, much of it involves reminiscing about decisions made without the benefit of pushing them aside for a man to take care of.

I'm not sure that says entirely the same thing as you want, though.  You can pare away at the sentence you have until you've got it down to just the core!

Like Rose mentioned, who are these boys the woman is shopping for?  Towards the end it sounds like they're hers, but a few times she explicitly mentions that they aren't.

e.g.

“Yes. These boys. Very important to me. They live right down the road from me and my late husband. I know their parents well.”

Also, saying that "they live down the road from my late husband" is just a tad morbid.  If you change this to past tense (after all, you already said they live in Germany now!) this problem will be resolved.  As it lies in the present tense, it reminds me of A Rose for Emily, and suggests her dead husband is still in the house with her.

“Well,” I stumble, the impact of hearing late husband throws me off guard. Do I really want to go down that road? Do I proceed with questions about how he died or do I keep the conversation about the boys. I recover. “How well?”

Man, this woman is nosy!  You don't need to know "How well" somebody knows someone if they want to buy them a t-shirt.  I think what you're trying for here is that there's some sort of subtle connection between the two women, and they're using the purchase as an excuse to talk.  For the most part, though, it just comes off as her being nosy.

One thing I liked was the echoed "Thank You" being thought by both women.  However, you might want to consider moving this into an entirely third-person omniscient narrative.  That way you'll be able to go into asides about what EACH of the women is feeling, and you can make it a lot clearer that they feel some sort of mysterious connection.

“I'm sorry, ma’am. I don't mean to pry. I hear people say that day in and day out in this store. Say that they know someone well so they’re obligated to buy them a gift. Wouldn't it be neat to buy a gift for a stranger for once, just once?”

“I suppose,” Ruth wonders where this conversation will lead, since it’s traveling faster and faster away from her husband. She sighs with relief. Thank you. “We do something similar in my birthday club.”

 

“Really,” I grow excited. She’s taking the bait. Thank you. “How so?”

“Well,” Ruth grasps the present and feels the pain subside sweetly. “Instead of receiving gifts on our birthdays we are challenged to buy four gifts for someone else. In the past, I have bought them for my friends, but I guess there isn’t a hard fast rule that says I have to buy them for someone I know.”

“Right! We always do that. Why not try something different.” And that’s when I feel the rush of energy between us; it grows and vanishes in an instant. Both of us feel the peace. We want to stay forever, but we don’t.

This passage is kind of confusing (though like I said, I like the Thank Yous).  First of all, the "Wouldn't it be neat to buy a gift for a stranger" is really out-of-the-blue.  If a cashier asked me that all of a sudden like this I would probably wonder what was wrong with them.  Down in the last paragraph, who exactly does that "We" refer to?  I couldn't figure that out.

More never comes. Standing tall above the racks, Ruth holds her head up high in regards to what she’s done raising her children after her husband's death. My neck doesn’t have the poise of her porcelain skin, because I have a little more bruising, more tarnish from my decisions. But that’s okay.

Kind of begging for "more information" here.  I like the first sentence.  However, Ruth's already said the children aren't hers!  Now we find out they are?  Is Ruth just in denial?  Does she have all sorts of complex issues going on?  I sense that she does, but they're never really made clear.

Ruth realizes how present we have become. There’s no use spending time here any longer. She is needed somewhere else.

No need to mention that she's "needed somewhere else".  Just the first two sentences are fine.

With some work, this could be a fascinating look into the psychology of two different-but-similar women (and I think that's where you want it to go), but it does need some work before it can get there.  Nice work for a preliminary draft; now get in there and tear it down to build it up again!

This a a very, very good critique.

 hi, louisa--

i liked this story, the almost meditative quality to the interaction between these women. i read through stewart's and rose mai's critiques, and feel they covered a lot of ground already. i'll try not to repeat.

 You seem to notice things when they try not to be noticed. That's how I saw her at first, someone who couldn't make a decision. I sympathized with her only because the last few months stacked a series of sticky summer days, days facing doubt and sizing up my best decisions. Ruth, a sophisticated woman with no silver hair out of place, bounces from rack to rack trying to find a gift for all four boys back in Germany, boys simulating a wall between her and the outside world. Ruth clings to the four brothers as if her life would crumble if she did not keep them forefront in her mind. They keep her attention in the present. She runs that tape in her head, a tape of them kicking a soccer ball up and down the green fields, fields so green almost cartoonish, a green not characteristic of the shades you find in America, especially in West Texas. Now her thoughts begin to race off.

 

you have a talent, louisa, with setting a tone. i immediately felt the relaxed intimacy of this story, the gentle curiosity of the clerk, and her desire to do her job well. your decision to go with first person pov was a good one. i think the portions of the story illuminating the customer's emotional state and thoughts might go over a bit better if we learn about them through the clerk's perspective. if they discuss her late husband, take us through that conversation. give us the hints we need as readers to understand the subtext of this grieving woman's state, her reasons for using the t-shirts as a distraction. trust your readers to think it through and follow your lead, and gain that reward of shared  understanding. i love those layers.

i underlined a few spots which may benefit from a second look. the sentence which begins: "you seem to notice..." read a bit awkward to me where you seem to give "things" an intention of avoiding notice. perhaps if you make a direct reference to the customer here, the thought would be both clearer and stronger. i like the idea and image your first sentence evokes very much as establishing the tone of the upcoming interaction. nicely done.

the "...no silver hair..." felt awkward to me, as well. maybe "...not a silver hair..."? hm.

i'm trying to picture this stately, graying woman "bouncing" from rack to rack, and i think i understand you're highlighting her indecision but the physical act of bouncing keeps butting in, here. this may not have the effect you were going for.

Ruth sheepishly looks at me. If she was in the present, she would have noticed me sneaking up behind her

i like how ruth's look illustrates her unease--it's a subtle moment, but we understand she's not wishing for help, really. she wants to be left to her quiet distraction. 

i'm not sure "sneaking" is what you were going for, here...was the clerk really sneaking? if she was, the customer may really not have noticed her, whatever her state of mind. "sneaking" feels a little sinister, to me.

...she seems more genuinely interested in her hands switching back and forth between the racks than acknowledging my presence.

i like what you're going for, here. you have a sophisticated understanding of people, i think. how they process emotions, and avoid them sometimes. i think the wording is a little convoluted, and paring it down would retain the meaning without slowing the pace.

When we finally settle into a friendly banter, it comes down to reminiscing about decisions, decisions made by two women left without men in their lives, lives absent of husbandry and the finer details associated with it, like having men make the decisions we’d rather push aside or deciding to talk about them as if they are sitting at home waiting.

i work in a shop, and i can attest to the occasional conversation with a customer which delves into more personal territory than either of us intended. sometimes we make that connection with a stranger, and when it happens it's a little powerful. it sticks with us. i read this passage a few times, and i think what hits a bit "off" about it is how general the description is. i don't think a list of specific topics covered is warranted, but perhaps a snippet of the actual conversation? something to bring home the connection these two women had, if only for a few moments.

More never comes. Standing tall above the racks, Ruth holds her head up high in regards to what she’s done raising her children after her husband's death. My neck doesn’t have the poise of her porcelain skin, because I have a little more bruising, more tarnish from my decisions. But that’s okay.

i agree with stewart that the first sentence here is the strongest. i think it's my favorite of the piece! you say a great deal with three words--the moment has passed, both from shifting circumstances and shifting state of mind. these two women connected, and the result is ruth's coming to the present. we can feel the clerk's acceptance and understanding that their conversation carried more weight for ruth, or maybe helped ruth face the carrying of the weight she's been distracting herself from. well done.

i did think the following sentences had a few awkward and wordy moments (underlined).

i'm not sure what: "...in regards to..." means, exactly, in the context of the sentence. i think if you're opting for first person pov through the piece, ruth holding her head high is enough, with no internal explanation. maybe she brushes the fabric with her fingers, a smile on her face...a gesture to connect her pride with a job well done raising her children to her posture?

"...the poise of..." left me confused in a similar way. i like the comparison the clerk makes between them,  her comfort with her own life and decisions made, but the metaphor doesn't quite connect as written.

Ruth realizes how present we have become. There’s no use spending time here any longer. She is needed somewhere else. She slowly walks away without buying the shirts for the four boys in Germany in the cartoonish green fields, boys that now only exist in the back corners of her mind.

i like the understated ending, that ruth leaves without needing to make her purchase or to explain why to the clerk. i think you could pare this down to one simple declarative sentence and the significance would be stronger for it. maybe a last reminder of the women's brief connection, a moment of eye contact, perhaps?

i liked this story, the gentle lilt to the flow, the undercurrents all through, the strength we find in each other as fellow human beings. i think this story could be wonderful with very little effort. thank you for the lovely read, louisa--!

Wow, it's really hard to follow up Laurie's critique and everyone else has given really good advice as well.  I'll try to insert my 2 cents here but it may end up to be one half of a penny.

Obviously, the viewpoint is the major issue in this piece that makes it far more difficult to read than it should be.  Every reviewer has hit that one on the nose and given you solid suggestions for solving it.  I guess all I can really do is posit an alternate suggestion.

While reading instead of immediately disregarding the narrator's comments about Ruth I let them influence my reading of the story (reading a lot of sci fi/fantasy has helped me do this quite well).  So my assumption was that everything she attributed to Ruth's inner state was simply her interpretation of Ruth's feelings.  By reading it this way the narrator came off as quite arrogant.  Especially when she started asking personal questions and reading in a deep connection that the audience is given no objective evidence exists.  In this way the narrator becomes a self-centered character, but also a really fascinating one.  Of course we had a connection, she thinks, I'm not butting in.  I'm helping. 

This reading doesn't work exactly as is.  I had to infer some things for it all to click.  However, I think if you wanted to retackle the draft with an eye toward this perspective it could be a really fun piece.  I also think it would be nice to do a companion piece from Ruth's p.o.v. or just hint strongly at her alternate take on the interaction. 

I hope that is helpful.  It's not my usual type of critique, but I felt that everyone else covered all your strengths and weaknesses very well.  I'll skip my rundown because I don't really have anything to add.  Thanks for another great week of Flash Fiction, I'm looking forward to tomorrow's post.

-Ben