I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this piece. I liked it, but something felt off. You asked if it emotes compassion, friendship, and courage. In a strong sense, I think it does. And in one sense, I really like the distant tone it takes. But in another sense, the distance kind of takes away from the feelings it's supposed to portray. If that makes sense.

Before I forget, there were two fragments:

Though for now the sinking clouds merely shield the tree from view.

Its stoic virtue forever imprinted on my heart.

You know I'm big on pointing out fragments. I'm pretty sure those were the only ones.

I'm not sure. I think your word choices were great. I enjoyed reading it. The descriptions were excellent. I like the snapshot pieces you write. I still feel like it was a little too distant though. I think it was the length of your sentences. While they weren't really runons, I felt like a lot of the sentences were too long. This distracted from the feeling behind it, for me. I think it's what's most responsible for the sense of distance. Does that make sense?

 I think tihs version sounds much better, much warmer. In the first draft, I felt like you were writing about a stranger. Now, it seems like you were actually there.

I envision sugary sap scurrying through hidden tunnels seeking refuge somewhere deep underground. Feeling my own pulse racing, I step away from my shelter yearning for one more glimpse. Through the fog, I whisper, “You’ll be alright,” as the cool vapors moisten my cheeks.

I really like this paragraph, especially the first line.

Also. in the first draft I remember being confused by the mist entering her room. This time, I'm not. Well done.

And the fragments are gone

 Well I must have missed it.  I didn't get compassion, friendship, and courage.  I got sadness, loss, and death.

Certain words gave me those emotions.  Words like withering, killing, chill, ghosts, faded, hidden, gnarled, etc...  The imagery of winter always makes me think of hibernation, a kind of temporary death.

One word I thought looked out of place.   Scurrying.  Again, maybe it's only because I got dark feelings from this, but seeping seemed like a more appropriate word choice.

I think this was a very good piece.  I enjoyed the stark images and strong emotions you called on to create this.  I just got the diametric opposite of what you asked for.  I'm  naturally dark person though, so I don't think it was your writing.  I think it must be my interpretation of it.  

Either way, I liked this.  Thanks for sharing.

Inter-organism empathy is to say the least uncommon, at least as a writing subject. A friend once suggested that knowledge of the natural world is a form of intelligence, as in Gartner’s Multiple intelligences. This piece conveys that well.

I think you could, however, make the piece a bit less morose feeling. Let me caveat that by suggesting that some, unfamiliar with an empathetic bond with nature may view your imagery as morbid. This is somewhat backed up by the Shakespearian seasons of man dialogue etc. Given that, you could suggest that the sugary sap was the product of a whole season of growing, and that despite the terror, the tree is now earning its rest.

Feeling my own pulse racing, I step away from my shelter yearning for one more glimpse.

This line is a bit ambiguous for two reasons. The use of the word shelter implies security, and the pulse racing reinforces that. The yearning could also be the cause for the pulse racing, in which case this line is a lot less "threatening", but still worded in a way that makes this come off as less empathetic and more terror filled.

The images of fingers and weathering really personify time, but in a way that seems almost cruel. Couple that with the shroud imagery from the last line and the general sense of cold, and the potential for intimacy with your reader shrinks to nothing.

I think you have a marvelous concept, and an interesting approach. There is a way to get the compassion (which is most of the way there), courage, and friendship motif into this piece.

Friendship implies more than you show, and adding remembrances of times gone past, or a quick sentence on how the author and the tree have been here before would illuminate the concept well.

I'd be interested to hear your take on who the courageous one is in this piece. It doesn't come quite across in the work as it stands.

I look forward to your next revision.

In service,

B

 You know the use of similes and metaphors can really liven up a piece, let's take the first line:

"Looking out my livingroom window for what seemed like a dozen times, I watched the maple tree's weathered limb slip into a pocket of vapor like wiltering fingertips. Eventually, the mist, as frost, will settle among the limbs, killing off the leave that have not yet fallen.  The sinking clouds are beginning to shield the tree from view, thereby putting a winter mask on the mountain's face that served as a back draft to this wonder of nature."

I wish I knew where you were going with this piece. For example, you introduced a mountain but where was your reference point?  Where are you? You went from which room in your home to the balcony? You are watching the tree slip away, is it because it is now fully encased in the fog?

The ghosts are dancing between you and whom? You have not introduced another person, only the tree, the fog and a mountain.  Are you seeing images of something lost that are haunting you?

In the last paragraph, you note the "...the mist fhas ollowed me home." Where have you been except your balcony?  I think with a lot of work, this piece can be made to work.

Keep writing....

Shilohx7