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Brother Wolf

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drama, hunting, brothers, wolves, wolves
2nd
Draft

Published on:

May 4, 10:40pm

Word Count:

1511

Last Edited:

May 6, 9:09pm

Work Description

My two favorite wolf characters that are near and dear to me. Two brother wolves who are suddenly ripped apart.

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Print WorkPrint perfectly in the mountain side. His sapphire eyes were dull and lost their twinkle. He had not found a trace of his vanished comrade.
He threw back his cranium rapidly, his jaws snapped open and his spine ridged. He took a mammoth breath and laid back his ears before howling devastatingly, screaming his cries into the hours of darkness. He hollered until his voice was no more, only a raspy parched cough. Nothing answered his calls of companionship and he sat alone, broken hearted, and defeated inside.

 

 

 

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Discussion

Opening Comments

 Hi, Ms. Stevens!

Usually I'm not so hot at this. But here's my best two cents on "Brother Wolf".

Pacing

 I really enjoyed the pace of the of story and it picked up at the chase scene to the end.

Description

The cold flurry fell silently, the world dark and grey. The wind didn't even sigh as it blew over the untouched snow. The sun tried to warm the land, but its golden rays turned an icy indigo before they kissed the earth.

To tell the truth, I didn't know what kind of picture you were painting with this line. After reading it over, I envisioned the setting was somewhere in the wilderness. Other parts of the story were very clear even with the wolves' raiding the chicken barn.

Grammar and Spelling

 Now for the grammar issues.

Indention. You should indent every new paragraph.

Closing Comments

 Well that's my critique for you. Hope it helps on the areas I pointed out to you. The title sounds very good of an idea for wolf fanatics worldwide. Then again, readers worldwide. Peace.

 This is probably the most unique wolf story I've ever read. The details are beautifully written and I love the interaction between the two wolves and how you have humanized them. The story moves at a good, crisp pace, and reads really well.

I like your use of color. It really brightens up the story, not to make any sort of pun, but it's very effective.

The only real issue I had when I was reading the story was the word "barley" which I'm fairly sure is supposed to be "barely." But considering that's the only thing that really stuck out to me, it was obviously otherwise superbly written.

I look forward to reading more of these wolf stories. They're really cool.

 

 

 

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