Deluded American Dream
poetry, society, life
Published on:
February 8, 2:55amWord Count:
223Last Edited:
February 12, 6:25amWork Description
A very random, stream of consciousness type of poem/song that I wrote awhile back one night when I could not sleep. It's a little too rhyme centered for my taste, but I figure feedback can't hurt.
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we're all just drifters in a sea of lost souls searching for
their American Dreams
getting high on images of freedom and wealth
trying to keep our balance don't get sick here have some more
dramamine
stuck in a city of shamelss self promoters -- it's a small town
USA
where even the buffalo dream of being welfare queens
oh yeah let it boil once again you just wait until it's done my
friend
it'll kill you so kindly you just can't wait to jump right in
-- to your deluded american dream
oh yeah that's right baby just pop another one of these
it's so easy a nice escape let's have an escapade
take another pill crush it up mix it in your drink
you're one step closer to the freedom you want to attain
oh yeah let it boil once again you just wait until it's done my
friend
it'll kill you so kindly you just can't wait to jump right in
to your deluded american dream
stuck here in the midst of all this paranoia crisis
everyone's searching for the perfect drug
for me that's not a substance but it lies in love
someday I'll get out of this rut, this deluded american dream
caught in the obscene scene of deluded fiends
Oh yes. Even the buffalo are welfare queens
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The rhyming is just right for this poem. I (as
usual) love your stuff! I agree with the above poster,
that the middle three could maybe be reworked - and I love the
"even the buffalo dream of being welfare queens" That is one
of the BEST lines ever, in my opinon! 
And that poem is SO true for these times... how so true, and disturbing; but it can't be denied.
LOVE IT!!!!
I'm confused. The last stanza is capitolized so I thought it
would spell something out, and unless I turned illiterate, I would
ask you kindly to revise that so I do not get confused again. I
mean this out of no disrespect, but this seems like something a
person would bring to a coffee shop for a poetry slam and get
people into more by the delivery of the work than the word choice.
I feel like I have heard this sentiment before in so many coffee
shops. But then again, I understand that this poem was more of a
free write, lose piece. It does flow well, and it has some good
imagery and metaphors. 
But I generally do not subscribe to such attitudes in poetry
because it seems overdone. In fact, a lot of poetry is overdone. It
doesn't mean that it isn't well written or such, but just that we
need as a culture to figure out something else to do. 
I think
that's why I find poetry so hard to review. SO much of the review
is also based on how you relate to a piece and how it makes you
feel, something that a poet, being the personal writer, could never
aspire doing-that is, relating to a wide multitude of people all
the time. But then again, poetry, like this, can be skillfully
written and not related to (ala my case) and still be pretty darn
good poetry.
So write on! I generally think you rock at poetry, so I'm going to assume my problem of relating to it is the reason I am not liking it as a whole.
I liked your poem a lot! You should keep writing. Do you have a story published anywhere on here? It would be a joy to read.
Good stuff. Different and entertaining.
I really enjoyed reading this poem because it is so emotionally charged. The disdain that is expressed is powerful and consistent throughout. I have to say that my favorite line is:
I also love the sound of:
Though you are apprehensive about the rhyme scheme I think that it enhances the poem. My only suggestion is maybe to try to revise the middle three stanzas. I feel that the imagery could be more powerful in that section.