My Old House
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Tried and true visions of my world
Disentangled by the sounds of familiarity
I knew this place once
A very long time ago
The steppe colored walls with paintings
Stairs that led up and down, like a confused parent
The sounds of wooden floors creaking and bending in time with the
music of the house
I lived here once
Fever driven days spent in the comfort of the home
Hugging the poles and graces of the house
Feeling its undivided warmth for me
It knows me, this house
I’m glad though, that this house is not mine
The memories of requiem that shrank me whole
The songs of hate that played like a broken record
Its sympathy waning I suppose
This is a house, like all the others
The ones around the world that have a piece of me
Like tired old friends you never visit
That sit and wait for an unexpected call
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The introduction was intriguing and generated a lot of curiosity. I do think though that it could be a little more powerful and have a little more description. The idea is great and for me needs a little more to really take me there.
The description of the house was quite vivid I needed a little more feel about it. I could see and hear it but found it difficult to get a feeling of the emotions and was a little unsure about hugging the poles and graces. I could feel the undivided warmth but would like more direction on exactly how it made me feel/
The wording about the house not being mine was good and iked the sentences around the requiem and broken record. Was was really good was the wording around the house having a piece of me and I think this could really be expaned upon as it was very very powerful.
Thank you