This is truly like a piece of art, it has much talent with very deep feelings one don't normally show, but when in love. And even though it was very rhythmatic, it was still a very touching poem. Sometimes it is hard being in love with someone who is in love with someone else. So this poem could go either way. Keep up the good work, will be back to read more of your work. In the meantime, check out one of my poems when you have time. Have a Blessed week and take care.   - EFSage aka: Eva

 First off I'd like to say that I think it is well written and I especially like a few things you did. For example:

"I know you feel me, or maybe I fill your lonely."

I like the idea of "filling lonely." I think the first four lines are good and establish a rhythm, but the lengthening lines seem to break the rhythm. I think it could be interesting to have each line a bit longer than the one proceeding it, but I think you should establish that patten for the whole poem (i.e. start with the shortest line and work towards the longest).

I don't think you need the word "come" in the 5th line. The last line of the first stanza doesn't read well. I think you can cut the "and" and replace it with a comma or semi-colon. It's also a bit choppy, especially the last part. I think if you worded it differently it could be better.

The fourth line of the second stanza, I don't like the "that" at the end. Maybe just cut it, or maybe replace it with something like "beyond."

Other than that, I think it's really good. I hope you don't think I'm being harsh. I personally can't write poetry, so my criticism is almost hypocritical.

Hello hope this finds you doing well. I am not a professional by any means of the word, but here are my thoughts.

This sentence below throws me off:

I know you feel me, or maybe I fill your lonely

and in this sentence:

You'd wouldn't come seek me if you felt that you didn't need me

IT seems the YOU'D is not needed--perhaps should be You ??

Seems the main character is sad, and maybe a little moody wanting what they want and when they want it.

Liked the overall message of this piece, it does captivate the readers attention.

Thanks for sharing this piece.

Poetic Curves

 This is great! I love how the words just kinda flow and wrap you up so that even if you have never felt that way...you know what it must feel like.

I want for you to be freed and maybe then you'd really see me
 

I think that this line would read better with out the "me" at the end.

I just hope you realize that your past is just that; the past, and you need to look past that

OK way to many "past" try..."and you need to look beyond that"or something becides "past"

So, the next time that mirror looks back, ask if you want to look back to a past's thats
One that you always looks back at you and makes you question if you had time back

This one has you triping all over the place. Try not to use as many "S" "back to a past* thats".Then stray away from you, we know who your taking about, "One that always looks back" "makes you queston that if you had time back"

I love the ending! It just adds so much. The way you used a glass to see past and the mirror which can mean so many different things to show you that what you have been doing is all preaty much a lie and your just useing a mask to cover it. I can so feel this. Great Job, and Keep writing!!!

I've read this poem through a couple of times, and even though all poetry is meant to be read aloud, I'm beginning to feel that this piece is best as slam poetry. Do you slam? And if so, is this piece one that you perform? (Just curious.)

There are some grammatical mistakes that I think other people have already drawn attention to. Here are some other notes:

For smoother rhythm, maybe take out "that" in the first line. Others have brought this up:

I know you feel me, or maybe I fill your lonely

This is an interesting idea, but is it intentional? It reads like a typo.

Actually, I think a lot of "that"s in this piece could be taken out. They're not really necessary, and they make for choppier reading. "That"s I nominate for elimination, then, are:

line 4 (change "is it that" to "do"),

line 5,

stanza 2 line 3 (the first "that"),

stanza 2 line 5,

stanza 2 line 7.

In line 6, I think you could cross out "for", and in the next line add the apostrophe to "Its", since it's a contraction and not a possessive adj. Same thing goes for stanza 2, line 4. Also, don't forget commas before "and" in lines 6 and 8.

I like this:

I listen to you keenly and when you're in my arms I'm a serene being

but because you're deliberately breaking your rhyme scheme at the end of the line, maybe you should highlight that contrast-- make it seem more deliberate-- by giving it its own line. So,

I listen to you keenly and when you're in my arms

I'm a serene being.

--a visual representation of a slowdown there while reading. That will draw attention to the speaker's love and give it power.

In the second stanza, line 3, I think a comma instead of the semicolon would work fine. I agree with Riah Rain, lines 6 and 7 of the second stanza mixed me up a bit, too. Does the mirror look back by itself? Or is it the woman who looks back at herself through the mirror? And then I wasn't sure if the past is one that you always look back at, or one that always looks back at you. I'm confused.

The idea of a mirror and a glass is neat though. There's some cool stuff happening in this poem. I look forward to reading your future drafts.