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Red Meat

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horror, short story
1st
Draft

Published on:

May 2, 1:57pm

Word Count:

2815

Last Edited:

May 2, 2:10pm

Work Description

You need not look to sprawling cities to find underground groups of people indulging in their dark violent fantasies.

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    Harold hated the drive to the restaurant. The trip to the restaurant did a number on his back. They spent only ten minutes in the cramped compact, but to Harold it seemed to be an eternity. Glory would make small talk, and Harold would smile and nod, his senses devoted entirely to the meal waiting for him.

    "...and Robert called, Amy and the kids are doing great."

    "Yeah, yeah",  Harold managed to squeeze out. He was convinced that he could smell the meat a mile before he reached the restaurant.

    Small talk irritated him, if you didn't have anything worth saying, don't talk. Glory must have missed that lesson. She irritated him. Not just the small talk, but all of her nuances. In all the years they were married, he could think of only a few happy times. He couldn't be blamed, he wasn't a drinker, didn't gamble. It was all her fault.

    The compact car pulled in front of an ordinary two story home. Nothing set it apart from the surrounding homes, and a passerby wouldn't give it a second glance.  Glory longed for the days when Harold would move to her door and open it for her. The little touches used to mean a lot to her. These days his mind was occupied with work and the restaurant. Her days were spent cooped up in the house with a trashy romance novel.

    Harold and Glory opened the door and made their way to the winding pavement that lead to a solid oak front door. Harold often found his mind wandering to this seemingly plain home.He had been taking his wife here for 8 years, and hiding his erection as he makes the walk hadn't gotten any easier in that time.
   
    Harold and Glory made their way up to the entrance  and rang the doorbell twice. The door opened and they were greeted by Mr. Kregis, the restaurants owner.

    " Harold, Glory, I am so glad you came! Come in, the others are waiting in the living room." said Mr. Kregis, ushering them inside the warm home. "I hope you brought your appetite", said the owner playfully slapping Harold's stomach, who let out a laugh of his own. They had been friends for years, yet only saw each other in this home.

    "We almost had to close today, we had a trouble with the shipment", said Mr. Kregis. "It turns out our overseas supplier has some side business with the local thugs, and they found him dead three days ago".
   
    "Thats horrible", said Glory, saying it automatically rather than with feeling.

    "Yes, yes it was ", began Mr. Kregis, "but we have other sources, and it was fixed quickly"

    "I'm glad it was, I don't think I could go without my weekly trip here Luke", said Harold.

    The trio entered the living room that was occupied with several other couples waiting. Harold and Glory made their way over to the end of a couch, sitting next to a young couple.The young man quickly stood and shook Harold's hand, his wife following in step.
   
    "Hello, this is my wife Linda, and I am Robert."
   
    "Very nice to meet the both of you, I'm Harold and this is my wife Glory", said Harold, shaking Robert's hand.

    "This is actually our first trip to the restaurant", Robert said holding his wife's hand. "We are happy something like this exists, Idaho  has nothing like this."

    "You two will love it, Harold and I have been coming here for years", Glory said with a proud smile.

    Harold and Glory took a seat next to a younger couple, and settled in for the wait. Glory always loved to dress up for the occasion, and the restaurant was the only time she ever got the opportunity to feel beautiful. Harold was distant, their conversations never approaching the deep talks they had when they were first married. What made it harder was how he looked at her, or more so how he didn't. She had tried several

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Discussion

Opening Comments

 What  a tale! 

 I didn't find it difficult to dislike Harold.  I thought Glory was a little wimpy, but she's supposed to be.

 Red Meat 

Your diner's both preferred "white meat".  Why did you call the piece Red Meat?

Plot

 

The plot was easy to follow.  By the end of the first page I knew they weren't going to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner.   By the end of the second page I pretty much suspected what was going on. 

Pacing

 

It was pretty clear to me what the 'meat' was by the end of page two.  If that is your intent, it works.

I was surprized by the end - I didn' expect Harold to pay off his tab in the manner that he did. 

The action moved along at a good clip.  Not too fast, not too slow. 

Description

 

A better description of  the 'restaurant'  and its location would be good I think. 

I mentally made it a big drafty Victorian in an old neighborhood that was on the skids.   How else could the 'chef'  prepare the menu without the smell causing someone to call the cops? 

 

 

Point Of View

 

See below under characters.  I thought the pov changed too abruptly in this paragraph, but I didn't find that to be true anywhere else.

 

Characters

 Glory longed for the days when Harold would move to her door and open it for her. The little touches used to mean a lot to her.

This line is in the middle of the fourth paragraph.  The paragraph contains a lot of important information and you might want to consider expanding into separate paragraphs. 

There is information on the 'restaurant', how Glory feels, and Harold's lusts. 

He couldn't be blamed, he wasn't a drinker, didn't gamble. It was all her fault.

This line give a great insight into Harold's character - or lack of same.  I like it.

Dialog
This room does look lovely", said Glory, her face shining in the candlelight.

    "The room always looks nice, I wouldn't dine is a slop house", responded Harold as he picked up the menu in front of him

This dialog gives greater insight to Glory's meekness and Harold's ugliness.   I can mentally hear Harold hissing out his 'slophouse' line.

Grammar and Spelling

 She was weak willed, she lives for his approval. He set her aside one nite, feeling surprisingly calm, and told his wife of thirty years his lust of meat.

 

 

I think you meant, "she was weak willed, she lived for his approval.  He took her aside one night......"

Closing Comments

 I must admit this is not the type of book or article I normally select as reading material.  

What you have written is a terrifying new concept for me.  I may be forced to become a vegetarian.

Thanks for the writing.  I can't say I enjoyed it, but I was fascinated by it.

 

 

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