Okay, I'm a bit mystified by this one. I tend to like really bizarre stuff and this definitely qualifies as bizarre. It puts a lot of questions in my mind and I want to find out what's the deal with the puppet hands, why doesn't the CDC care about the puppet hands (presumably they're deluged under other puppet hand cases) and questions of the like. First of all: I don't think that the first section serves any purpose. Okay, I guess you're trying to set a normal tone in contrast with the strange events that follow. It doesn't really succeed in that. If you want to keep it you should spend more time telling us who Robbie is, what he's doing at work, that sort of thing. Make the reader wonder, "Wait, what's so Science Fiction/Fantasy about this?" THEN hit them with the curveball. Your other option would be to cut it out entirely. Your characters tend to chew the scenery too much while speaking. You're reinforcing the things they're saying, but their dialog stands on its own. You don't need to say the doctor's hesitant tone gave Robbie a bad feeling. The thing he says afterwards tells the reader that. Unless I miss my guess you're doing it to avoid having "the doctor said," "Robbie said," said, said, said, every sentence. It's okay to use said with no adjectives. "Said" is invisible. And if you've only got two characters you can reign it in after a couple sentences anyway, only putting it in every three or four quotes or so. The reader will assume it's back-and-forth. There are a few places where the actions serve their own purpose (such as Robbie trying to move his puppet hand). Those should probably be cordoned off in their own paragraphs outside of the dialog, then you return to the dialog on its own afterward. Also, if the police are trying to keep the whole doll-hand epidemic quiet why is Robbie being released from the hospital? Finally: Ellipsis abuse. Readers insert their own pauses in the appropriate places. Use ellipses, commas, semi-colons and hyphens very sparingly. I know it "feels" right. My first drafts are chock full of them too, but they're the very first thing I edit out.

This is a pretty cool idea, you should really flesh it out more.

I really think you should write a REAL beginning to this piece, right now it's a totally cold opening and It's very abrasive. The beginning setup doesn't really have to be that long, a simple description of the office would work. Maybe a small background on Robert. Maybe something like this will fit in well with the genre:

"Picture an average office, cubicles all separating each employees work space, the rustle of paper, the gurgle of the water cooler. The Boss' secretary talking in low tones on the telephone, just a few feet from her desk is a door that says: Douglas Clyde, Regional Director of Sales. From inside the door you hear the muffled sounds of a conversation through the walls, the door opens suddenly as Robert Dalton steps out saying "Thanks Boss." Robert moves over to the secretary's desk and leans on it"

Something like this would really set up the realistic setting of the story and would really contrast well with the absolute bizarre circumstances that you throw Robert into.

Your dialogue is really good, I can't really find any problems with it.

The doctor's response to the absolutely surreal events is not proportionate to what happened, I can't really think of any good suggestions other than that Robert wake up in some secret medical facility (but then you are in the realm of cliche). Keep working with this idea, I really like it!

Oh, I see Brock commented on your dialogue, just ignore my input on it then!

Hello Mike. Your story has an interesting beginning but I agree with one of the previous critiques. It needs a beginning. I had the sense that we were reading about a modern day Pinocchio, but in reverse! That idea, in and of itself is not a bad one; in fact I think you have myriads of plot possibilities, but don’t let it get too weird. 

Perhaps start with Robert healthy and normal. Let the reader get to know him before you turn him into wood. If you do that, I think others will identify with your characters plight, and when the weirdness begins, they will follow him right to the end. Finally, whatever the dilemma you choose to put Robert through, be careful not to breech the readers willing suspension of disbelief. Once you do, it’s terribly difficult to win them back.

Hey Mike,
Here are my thoughts on Chapter one of your novel Fast and Loose.

I really like the narrative style that you use hear. It's informative but relaxed at the same time. There's a couple of instances where the relaxed style lapses into more formalized tones. For example, you use the sentence:

No one knows where they go, and speculation is heavily discouraged.
 

If you could find a way to smooth those out, it would sound a bit more consistent.

There was also some description that seemed to be a bit muddled. This could use some touching up:

Deb saw the flash of pain and looked at Robbie in alarm, "What?"

I think you could use a phrase like "in his eyes" or "across his face" between the underlined words. As it stands, it makes it seem like an actual physical flash occurred.

Now, to some grammatical and spelling stuff...

 

 Missing period here: 

I'm Doctor Marqea Please don't make any sudden movements
 

I think you're missing a word between the two underlined words in the next sentence:

People in nearby have been muttering suspiciously about the CDC complex for a number of years, phoning in complaints about vibrations under ground and other strange goings on.

Or maybe you could just remove the "in" to solve the problem.

You're missing a quotation mark here:

he trailed off. We're not getting help.
 

 

And that's all that I saw. By the way, the idea of a bleeding desk was a really cool mental image. I grinned when I read that. Kudos. Keep up the good work. I'll look forward to seeing what comes down the pipe.