wow that was very interesting; It seemed very interesting at the begining but then it got even more interesting. I liked it how a boy ended up being the werewolf at the end of the story.

I have to say that it was kind of boring at the middle, though. I'm not trying to sound mean but it didn't really have as much action except for the werewolf. Try to add more detail to the next chapter like a detailed dercription about the situation. Also try to add some voice in it and not just what they say without quotes.

All in all, I thought it was a pretty fine story after I was finished reading it. Just try to fix that little problem that you have.

i loved it honestly!

One thing though....You need to break it up a bit more...

Don't have one paragraph so long...

Good...More soon?

Hi there!  This is a very interesting beginning, I hope you share with us more of the story.

Below I have included some examples of things that I feel are good and also what needs some work, I hope they help!

Thunder was roaring down as rain pounded at the roof of my home. I was sitting on my bed looking outside the window. It had been a cold day and it was rapping up with a storm. I wasn't surprised that half of the town was outside. It was time for the hunt and many men were going down to see what it would be like.

Your first 5 sentences are all written in the passive voice. Passive voice can hide the action of a story and make it less strong, and you want to have a strong beginning to any story.

In explanation, passive voice is when the subject is not doing or giving a verb's action directly, but indirectly:

For example, The dog was given the ball. Who (the subject) gave the ball to the dog? If the person who gave the ball to the dog was more important than the actual dog, you'd want to highlight that person instead, right?

I will rewrite this paragraph without passive voice so you can see how much stronger and powerful it is to use verbs with their subjects:

"Thunder roared as rain pounded on the roof of my home. I sat on my bed looking out the window. The storm rapped at the cold day. I saw half the town outside, but I wasn't surprised. They gathered for the hunt and many men wanted to see what would happen."

Notice that the lack of passive voice also shortens up sentences and makes them more clear that way? I know its easy to write in passive voice, and sometimes it is difficult to see a way out of it. I would aim at using as little as you possibly can, however.

got up and dressed in my regular clothes that suit me.

Some of your verbs are in different tenses. I would check the piece and correct those.

before I could even get there, I saw a big figuere outside. I ran to the living room and out the backdoor. Up in the porch was a werewolf!

There a lots of minor grammatical and spelling mistakes in this piece, for instance, "figure" and "Up in the porch" in this selection. If you do not have a word processor that can correct these mistakes, I would suggest downloading AbiWord. It is a free word processor available on the internet that resembles Microsoft works/word. Just google it.

I just nodded my head for an answer so he could leave. He sighed and walked out shielding his sword back into place. I admit it, I could of wet myself back there if it wasn't for that sword.

It seems kind of unbelievable that her father would just give up after seeing there was no werewolf. He must have seen her guide the werewolf inside. Maybe she could tell him the wolf jumped out of the window or something?

Once he saw me, he just sat down again. He looked sad and I knew he needed comfort. I sat next to him, close enough to touch his arm, but only that close.

I really liked this part. It's got a lot of shyness in it between the two characters, but they are also bonding through the experience. I also like the image it brings up of the two kids sitting together.

Overall, I would suggest you add in paragraphs, breaking up where there are transitions in action, dialogue, etc.

I would also run this through a spell check, and try to rewrite some of the passive voice sentences.

Try to stay away from using words like "really" "very" and "just"  as they do not add a lot to the description of the story, but add a little bit of wordiness.

To see where things are wordy, too short, or sound funny, I would suggest reading the story out loud, sometimes that helps you notice things like that.

All in all, this is a good beginning. She sounds like a brave kid, I'm curious to see what happens to her!

 Hmm, very interesting. I think that this story has a lot of potential and you have a lot of potential as a writer. I think that the story has a good plot line and I look forward to reading the next chapter. Not many grammar errors, and the ones that were in there weren't all that major anyway. Hope you keep writing this, I really liked it!

 *** This was well written and the imagery was great. I enjoyed reading it emencely. This will be a real page turner once it becomes the novel it deserves to be! You probably need to break it down into smaller paragraphs to make it flow faster. The dialogue should be written in its own starting pargraph as well. It just seems to make it easier on the eyes. Other than that the story is great and I look forward to seeing it in its entirety. I hope there will be more chapters on here to read I would like to see where it all goes...will you let me know when you have more of this story published here? Have a wonderful day, and......write on!***