I like this piece-it definately benifits from the sparse, plain language used in it. It's a subject that is almost so barbarous and stark that any kind of linguistic flourish would almost hide the actual horror of what the poem is describing.

Our county is in war.

Our men may not come home.

These two lines make the poem: it is bitter and simple. The plain almost shouted "telling it like it is" seems almost Bukowski-esque. It seems to be saying "This is how it is. That's all there is to say, there's nothing fancy or pretty about it."  Though I do think changing "in" to "at" would sound a bit better, but that's a little thing. 

I like how this poem is about a highly contentious political subject, yet avoids being political. It is all to easy to forget that no matter what the debates on the 24-hour news networks says, or what the popular opinion is at the moment that there are women and men over there who are not going to come home because they died fighting for their country. That's a stark truth, and it is so much deeper than politics. One of my friends from high school is an infantry Staff Seargent who has done two 12-month tours of Iraq and he always tells me that the only thing worse than war-protesters calling them baby- killers is neo-conservatives who claim to speak for them and use their death to justify whatever political cause they might have. i.e. It's easy for Bill O' Rilley to talk about sacrifice and how "it's all worth it" when he has millions of dollars and never served in the millitary.  From everyone I know who's been over there, it seems the general consensus is they don't care if people support or oppose the war; they just want people to realize and appreciate what they are doing, and not to forget them. It is sad we see more coverage of Brittaney Spears going to the hopital for crazy than we do the 18 year old kids getting their legs blown off by IED's every day. This piece does that, it is not politically loaded one way or the other, it just says it like it is. Good Job!

 hello missunderstood-

i really like this poem because of the stark reality that is put into it.  the way that it is just stated is so real, and is a big wake up call to people who do not know about what the soldiers go through, although i think its much worse than that for them! i do see a few minor errors, though, let me point them out::

the solders fight all through the

i think you meant "solders" to be "soldiers"

also-

our country is in war

 

i think should be-- "our country is at war

and soldiers are not fighting to give back their rights. also they do not build ditches, ditches are dug.

and-- in the last stanza, first line, the phrase "we will have lost so many men" implies that we have not already lost men to this war. and-- there are women soldiers too!! ( but the use of "men" sounds more right in this case, as far as rhythym and flow goes)

hope this helps and i encourage you to read and critique my works: Chronicles of Odralon (prologue only); Island Conspiracy ( prologue, chapters 1+2, chapter 3 coming soon) and a SHORT POEM: Lost Sister

 OK back again to read your work and I am blown away.  This is a simple but deep poem, I feel that there was something that broght this on, and I like it. Its a little different than what you usely post and thats probley why I like it so much. 

 The solders fight all though the/Night they fight to give back there/Rights.

Here is something that is small but I think needs to be pointed out. the "there" you used is there as in a place, what you need is "their" as in the talking about a person. Its a little thing, but something you need to know.

I am a sucker for the lines maching with the ryhthm so I am going to reline it to see what you think.

Our county is in war.

Our men may not come home.

 The solders fight all though the night

they fight to give back their* rights.

 They sleep in ditches they dug*

 They pray for the people

They left yesterday.

They do not know when they will eat

 or  take a bath

At night when they dream,

they see

The man they Killed yesterday

Every day they fight a war

That is not theirs

 alone.

When the war ends,

they will go home

and hug their children   

But somewhere there will be a woman

who will cry

because her husband didnt

make it home.

we will have lost so many men

in this brutal war. 

we will remember always

these men who gave their life 

for the freedom 

we have today.

 I dont think that will make much of a difference but it now reads as it sounds.

Every day they fight a war

That is not theirs

 alone.

 I love this line, and for me to read I bolded it just to make it stand more out for me. The thing is no war is just for the men and women we sind over there its for all of us. Even if we do not believe in the purpurses of war we still support out troups! I love it, love it, love it!

I am glad you wrote this the way you did. It says so much about how our troups are, how they must feel and what it must be like. Please keep writing!

 Hey Missunderstood,

I just wanted to take a moment to comment on the poem here.  I have a brother that just came home from Iraq (injured, but home) and this poem really hit home for me. 

Like others have said, the simple no nonsense language actually lends strength to your true meaning here.  I have a tendency in my own writing to be flowery and poetic even with stark, cold reality - but I think the language in the poem really does it justice.

Couple little things:

Our county is in war

Should definitely be "Our country is AT war"

The stanza:

 The solders fight all though the

 Night they fight to give back there

Rights.

Soldiers is spelled wrong and There should be Their Rights. - The punctuation is off here too and doesn't flow easily.  You use periods and commas in other locations and I feel like this needs something to cause the reader to pause.  As one sentence the reading is awkward.  For poetry punctuation - read your work out loud.  Anywhere you pause naturally, there should be a comma or a period.  Some poems are stronger with no punctuation, but if you are going to use it, you have to use it consistently and correctly.

When you have a stanza like this:

    They sleep in ditches they built

 From mud. They pray for the people

They left yesterday.

You don't have to capitalize the beginning word in the line.  From is part of the same sentence from line 1 even though it is broken up - so no capital is needed.  The only time you can or should capitalize a word in the middle of a sentence, even starting a new line, is to draw attention to its impact or to make the object animate (i.e. Hate, Love, Angel, Boy, Girl) etc - not words that would normally be capitalized, but woulds you can give an identity to or strengthen your emotional impact with that you want to stand out.

Same capital letter and punctuation issues here:

At night when they dream, they see

 The man they

Killed yesterday

Every day they fight a war

 That is not theirs alone

 

When the war ends, they will

Go home and hug their children again

  Somewhere there will be a woman

crying because her husband didnt

make it home.

The last stanza:

we will have lost so many men in this

brutal war.  we will remember always

these men who gave their life  for the freedom 

we have today.

 

Is the brutal truth.  I think the first two lines make the poem and I would like to see it wrapped up the same way.  Strong. Definitive. No Nonsense. To the point.   The first sentence here - the tense in the verbs is wrong....should be "We have lost" or "We will lose" - the current wording is awkward and weak for such a strong line and it takes away from the impact to the reader.  The last sentence "We will remember always these men who gave their life for the freedom we have today"   Should be reworded a little bit.  Maybe "We will always remember the men who gave their lives for our freedom" or some such - but the wording is a little backwards the way it is and it disrupts the simple flow the rest of the poem has. And little thing - Men have LIVES not life.....MAN has Life - can't use a plural now and a singular possession....... Also - I think this sentence should stand alone.....it gets lost in the broken up line of the stanza.  Try having both sentences stand on their own, like you did in the beginning, I think it will be a bigger impact statement.:

"We have lost many men in this brutal war.

We will always remember the men who have thier lives for our freedom."

Overall my critique is a bunch of little knit-picky things.  I really enjoyed the poem and its content.  Keep writing!

I really liked the concept you had going for your poem. Showing appreciation for the things soldiers had to give up in order to fight for every American's rights and freedom in Iraq and whatever other country they are deployed in. The only complaint I have really is there were some odd spacings, which could very well have resulted from posting this originally, and also I read the part "Our country is IN war." It should be AT, and if this has already been posted I apologize. Also, I have a suggestion. If you haven't heard of it already, you should try turning this into slam poetry. My teacher taught us this form of poetry in high school. Its competitions where people recite poetry in really unique ways. I guess it's a little hard to explain, just look it up on google or youtube it, you should find things to help. But, again, good job on writing this poem and good look as a writer!

 i really liked how as i got further down in depth with your work that i could visualize the war and everything you talked about. I didn't quite like the structure you used. You started one way and then like in the middle of it changed the way you were writing and the way you worded some things. At the beginning of stanzas you need to captalize you words and make sure they go to the end of the line. I'm guessing this is free verse because i didn't notice any sense of rhyme sceme in this. "we will have lost so many men in the brutal war" i think you should put we have lost so many men...because we have already lost so many and of course in times to come we will loose more but right now it sounds like you are saying that we haven't lost that many at this moment in time. at the very beginnin where you say  "our men may not come home" i think you should put something like "some" because some have already came home from the tragic war we are currently facing

great poem, love to hear what people say about the war and its impact

-maybememories

 I like this peice, but again it seems to choppy or jumpy.

Also keep in mind, women are also out there with the men fighting.