Hello. I must admit, you have my attention. I am quite the fan of Vikings and the Norse in general. I look forward to reading this work. A bit of a norse-scholar myself, I look forward to being able to help check some of your cultural choices.

You say though that the you want to write something that is not :

“an undidactic, unromanticized and unheroic portrayal of a Norse society”

From what ive read, its pretty standard to romanticize them, and portray them as heroic. Well maybe not heroic, but defiantly romanticized. Winged Helmets? Please, no historical evidence exists for the existence of winged or horned helmets…. I digress, and become a bit of a hypocrite, as I sort of like the romanticized version slightly more then the historic ( Since I’ve researched both I’m allowed to do that

I look forward to reading it. Contact me if you want to talk more.

My only critique of this piece is the use of the dream. When a story opens with a dream, it has a certain ring to it. Some times it’s the right ring, but most of the time it comes off as a little amateurish. I know you only have a dobnt a little on this story so far, but defiantly keep an open mind about the dream opening. If at all possible, giving a little room between the actual tart of the story, and the dream that kicks of the plot, is by far a better option.

I know its easy to hook someone with the dream, but its been done so much, that its become a bit of a cliché, eye rolling opening. Unless done in a shockingly new and unique way.

Keep up the good work!
Tor

He stood upon a hill and looked down at the grassy field yawning flat and vast, stretching as far as one could see. Silence, the iron gray overcast above hung like fog.

Is the field yawning? Just a word choice.

Also, the word "silence" is sitting all by itself probably for poetic reasons, but when it's combined into the next sentence it looked strange to me. Also, is "overcast" your noun? It sounded strange to me, because typically it's an adjective.

It began to snow, falling slowly, collecting upon the earth, forming a cold, white blanket.

This is good, but it can be active and a little more to the point. "Snow began falling, collecting upon the earth like a white blanket." Also, the way the sentence is written is purely visual, nothing to let us know the sense of touch, so "cold" seems out of place.

Pockets of black smoke pilfered from the scorched ground decimated by a sweeping fire, dead woods lay in the distance.

I suggest a period after "fire." then "Dead woods lay in the distance."

A hut and stable stood ruined and blackened from fire.

Since fire's already mentioned, this is not needed.

Coins and precious metal lay scattered about like stars in the night.

I don't understand why coins and precious metal were left behind by the invaders.

Otherwise this paragraph is overall well written.

What was left of the wooden structure was pitch and still smoldering, the roof had caved in.

A period after "smoldering." Or at least a semicolon. That would prevent the run on.

He looked down at his hands, which began to slowly wrinkle with age.

Is it wrinkling as we speak? Like supernaturally?

He looked back up and heard a guttural snorting racket in the dark of the hut.

no need for the word "racket"

The snow outside fell until all was covered and cold.

This is a line of setting and feels strange tacked onto the end of a paragraph. My mind expects setting lines to be at the beginning of a paragraph.

He woke. He had slept on his belly upon a mat of fur. His body had gone limp when he woke, as if he had been denied the mastery of his limbs and felt as if a rock had been placed on his back. All that he could see as he lay with his head turned to the side was blurred, obscured. He closed his eyes again and drifted back to sleep for a few moments before he woke again, turned and sat up.

This paragraph had a lot of micro-specific action being described. I think it complicates things. It's just a little hard on the eyes.

This is a good start, although I wouldn't have minded at all if you spent more time in the dream before he woke up. The imagery is great, so why not let extend it a little longer? I know this is just a beginning so if you have a plan in mind already, I'd totally understand.

The description of a dream is an excellent way to introduce a narrative. For one thing, it liberates your imagination and lets it wander far afield, so that you can encompass as wide a range of space and time as your story requires. For another, it's a very effective vehicle of foreshadowing, letting your readers understand what lies in store for the central character without going into too much realistic detail.

Harold's dream achieves the second objective much more than the first. The images and symbols convey a sense of disaster and foreboding. The scene is one of cold, gray emptiness in the dead of winter, a ravaged landscape with all signs of human presence destroyed by fire and beasts of the field littering the foreground with their corpses. The description is a very effective vision of terrible things to come in the life of Harold, mitigated only by the "coins and precious metal [that] lay scattered about like stars in the night". The boar with its crooked tusks no doubt represents an enemy he will confront some time in the future, and the sadness he feels on catching sight of it is an emotional response that will urge the reader to page ahead for more. Well done!

I strongly recommend that you now concentrate on the spatio-temporal dimensions of the dream. What are the boundaries of the world it will be Harold's fate to encounter? Where will his destiny carry him to meet the challenge of his boar-headed foe? (Perhaps the boar is an armorial device on a warrior's shield?) How much time will pass until they meet? Your answers to these questions don't have to be sharply focused - in fact they shouldn't be! - but providing some indication as to their limits will serve to make the ensuing work that much more compelling.

 Hi Nathan,

I just wanted to stop by and say that this story has tons of potential. This was the most riveting passage I've read on here in a while. Your descriptions were extremely clear and concrete. So, so good.

I read through what some other members have said so far, and I wanted to let you know that the syntax and punctuation choices you've made in this piece are absolutely fine in my book. I got your meaning, and I wouldn't change any of it right now, or at least not until you have more of this story written out.

I hope you post more soon!