Of and On Ned Moon pt 3
pulp, science fiction, fantasy, action, swashbuckler, naval
Published on:
May 1, 2:26amWord Count:
2226Work Description
An epic tale is revealed! A battle at sea! Will Figg prove victorious or will our hero prevail against all odds?
This work is archived and isn't accepting critiques or comments. Why?
Print
8. Astonishing revelations!
confessions by the light of the earth
several unproductive nights later I was joined at my twilight vigil
by Victoria. Strangely, aside from our first night of unbridled
passion she had made herself distant from me: acknowledging me only
when directly confronted and answering all queries in a curt,
formal tone. I will freely admit that I had no idea what to make of
her erratic behavior, being no fair judge of earth women and
fearing their lunar equivalent to be even more vexing.
"Captain Ned, would you mind if I spoke to you for a moment?" Asked the fair Victoria.
"Not at all, as you can see the ocean is calm, the crew is asleep, and as always I alone keep a vigil for my phantom British." I responded, somewhat peeved at the time at the crews lack of any night watchmen and insistence at retiring to bed promptly at sundown. These were, strangely, provisions set down in the very charter of the Crescent navy and not tenants a simple captain could change.
"Good. I was beginning to think you cared little for me." said she.
"What do you mean? It is you who has lately been turning a cold shoulder to any conversations I might speak of...I have merely been treating you to the privacy you seemed to crave."
She laughed at that, a most delightful sound carrying far in the still night.
"Is that the reason for your rudeness?" Asked she, "I'm terribly sorry Mr. Moon, its just that, well here at least...when a woman has shared a bed with a man they are entitled to a certain curiosity, a certain...romance! All you seemed to be after were reports on weather or the economy of the Crescent kingdom!"
At this It was my turn to take offense, however misguided.
"Well I am sorry Mrs. Victoria but I AM a stranger on this world and I DO think that entitles me to be more then a bit curious about the local goings on! Can I be blamed if my interests cover a variety of topics?"
She turned away, her beautiful face wilting like a flower in the pale blue earthlight.
"Forgive me...I simply thought you would be interested in ME despite your earthly origins..." She turned to go.
Stepping with the supernatural speed of which I seemed to be gifted I appeared instantly before her, she started to draw away, but her hands were already in mine.
"But I AM interested in you Victoria...Listen, let us start over from the beginning. I am a foreigner here and my lust for information appears to be overcoming my upbringing as a gentleman-" (A bold faced lie that one, I was raised in a single room cabin overlooking a waterfall where my mother could hunt bears for our supper after being turned out of town for witchcraft. I ran away at the age of ten and never looked back...still one plays strange parts when it comes to wooing women,) "-So let us both forget the mistakes of the past and begin where I should have upon first arriving."
She smiled at me and clasped my hands tighter.
"Lets start with you Victoria. Tell me about you: Where are you from? Where are you going? How did you get to be captain of this vessel when first I arrived? I want to know everything."
"Well the captain part is easily explainable..." Said she with a blush, "The previous captain dropped dead from heart-failure a week after we had set sail. He had agreed to take me across the sea to the new colony, New-Crescent 13-" (The crescent kingdom, for all its qualities has never been very good at naming things, why the very ship I was on was actually entitled "Penumbra 41",) "-And when he died the crew declared that the agreement was null and void. They were prepared to simply mill about doing nothing before returning to port...at this you see I was rather bothered, I didn't particularly want to go to N.C. 13, but idleness torments me...And officers ARE a bit of a rarity in the Crescent navy you understand. So, being as how no one else was going to step up to the
Rate This Work
Your honest rating will help the author improve, and you'll earn a little karma too.
Please log in to rate.
Hello, P. F. White! This story got me a bit captivated and hooked to read. I really did enjoy this and I really wish that you write more of "Of and On Ned Moon". Ok, now for the real review of "Of and On Ned Moon" Again, I did find more redundant errors that were found in all of the other "Pf and On Ned Moon" parts. They do appear again and this time. Ok, ok the errors that appear in your story are parenthesis usage, for example. Here are other things that I have found while reading your story.
This is a title, like the other titles that appear in your Of and On Ned Moon parts, that should be capitalized. Again, just remember this: Anything that is a title for anything, whether the situation is a poem, a newspaper article, or even your story it should be capitalzed. This always happens for headings. Just think of your heading as a front cover title of your novel, novella, short story, what ever you want your story to be, only in the pages of your book. Ok, with all of that being said, you should actually write your heading like 8. Astonishing Revelations! Confessions By The Light of The Earth. rather, than make your title mostly lower cased.
This sentence has a capitalization error. The word "several" should be capitalized. Just remember the simple rule of English: The first word that appears in the sentence should be capitalized. Also you need a comma for right where it says the words, later and I. Just remember that for chronological (Time if you did not know) words, like strangely, suddenly, later, finally, first, second, third, and then for examples, that you should remember to put commas after them. So instead of having your sentence commaless and without any capitalization, you should actually write it a little bit like Several unproductive nights later, I was joined at my twilight vigil by Victoria. Also remember this to help you become an even better writer: Whenever you are writing sentences, do not rush in trying to get it done ----- that is a common mistake made by some that can make your sentences without any capitalization in the first word of your sentence and if without any commas.
This sentence also has another comma error and your sentence is a little wordy here. Ok, let me start first with the commas, where it says From our first night of unbridled passion she had made herself distant from me. You should have a comma somewhere in there. Another tip that I have to bring to you about commas is that you should put them somewhere in your sentences in order to make them flow a little bit better and not tire the reader. However you should only do that if any of your sentences need it. One way to find this out is try to read your work out aloud to try to catch any unflowing and uneven sentences that seem tiring. Also, the "Had made" that appears in this blockquoted sentence should be just "made" because for one, the word had will sometimes make your sentences a little wordy. You should only use the word "had" if you need it or if the word acts like an action, for instance the sentence "He had a red car" uses the word "had" as an action and in no way does it make the sentence very wordy. Do you see what I mean? With all of that being said, you should have your sentence to look a little bit like this: Strangely, aside from out first night of unbridled passions, she made herself distant to me: acknowledging me only when directly confronted and answering all queries in a curt, formal tone.
For the asked the fair Victoria part, you should lowercase the word "asked. This should also happen for any other action that goes on during quotations. Whenever you write a sentence that has the quotations of "she said" or "he said", you should not capitalize the first word, except the word I. Also, along with the he said, she said rule, any other talking action like chuckled, laughed, yelled, bellowed, gasped, or whooped for examples, you should not capitalize them either, nor pronouns that may appear after the person's dialogue, such as he, she, or it for that matter. This is what I have for now. All in all, this was a great story that was worth me helping you with and I hope that I helped you become a better writer. This stpry is great, but will be even greater, if you edit those parts. Take care!