Briefcases do not Belong in Kitchens
short story, drama
Published on:
March 16, 3:48pmWord Count:
980Last Edited:
March 19, 12:32amWork Description
An on-going writing project, each writing a stand-alone story, about a young woman, married with two boys, who will soon become divorced. Writings about her life before, during and after the divorce.
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In the years before the revenge she lived in a world of denial and, actually, she liked it there. It was comfortable and familiar and she saw no reason to move. She saw no reason to move to where she may actually have to make the very changes she denied were necessary.
Some days she simple sat and wondered about those around her who could move from their personal denial to realization and then to the most feared action. That was where her fear lie. In the action.
There was someone else. She knew it in her heart but continued to push the knowledge to the back of her mind. She knew it would have to be dealt with sooner or later. She simply didn’t know how. This was completely unknown territory for her. Something she had never even considered being a possibility in her marriage.
She kept it all to herself. Didn’t share with friends or family. If she did then it would be real and somehow she was not ready for real yet.
Then things happened that began changing her mind. The first was the day she took his briefcase to him. She spotted it in the kitchen that morning when she was cleaning up the breakfast dishes. It was Tuesday. As if Tuesday made a difference. She rushed the boys along to get ready to drop the oldest one at Mother’s Morning Out.
“Come on boys! Stop that playing around, come on, let’s get you guys dressed.”
She put the oldest one in the bathroom with a toothbrush and the little one in the bedroom to take off his pjs. He’s so cute doing that, like he thinks he is really doing something. The next few minutes were filled with the busyness of morning rituals. Then at last out the door and in the car.
She sang to the boys as she drove to the church. Tanner, her oldest son, enjoyed these mornings with little people his age. Once at the church it only took a few minutes to unbuckle both boys, try to calm down the excitement and get them both in the door of the building. She watched the back of Tanner’s head as he walked away from her and into the classroom. Something was odd but she wasn’t quiet sure what it was. She stood with a puzzled look on her face as the other children, one by one, looked at her son, started laughing and ran over to him. They all began asking him questions and she only heard words; “Let me see”, “where….you…get?”, “Can?”, “I want……wear”. She slowly walked the younger boy over to the group of children, trying not to make her oldest son aware of her presence and then she saw him with Groucho Marx glasses and mustache on his little face. He turned and saw her, smiled and waved his hand as he walked slowly to the puzzle area of the room. She shook her head as she walked to the car thinking how out of character it was for him. He was usually too serious. He was going to have a great morning.
Back in the car and to “Daddy’s office” she told the little one in the back seat.
“Let’s go see Daddy.”
He smiled and kicked his legs saying “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,” over and over again. It brought tears to her eyes.
“We will just take this up to Daddy, we’ll surprise him! He doesn’t know one of his favorite boys is coming to see him. Sh-h-h-h-h-h it’s a surprise!“, she whispered as she took him from the car once she was parked.
They giggled together as they put their foreheads against each other and smiled. She closed her eyes and thought how sweet this little Dennis the Menace could be sometimes. He wanted to walk. She held his little hand and talked to him all the way across the parking lot and into the building.
“Good morning! What a sweet little boy!”, the receptionist said as they entered the lobby.
Landen smiled his big toothy smile at her and then looked at his mother making sure it was okay. Mom smiled in return and ask for her husband. The receptionist said “Just a moment” as she rang upstairs.
After trying twice the receptionist remarked, “He doesn’t answer his phone at the moment nor does the secretary for that floor. I’ll try again in
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Tough to start a story like this with no real hook. I would be more interested with some more cutting language. I don't know. Do some brainstroming and come up with somehting shocking for the start.
And see how frustrating it is to not have the thing proofed? Check your spelling. Read it out loud. Have two or three other people read it if possible too. I know that is what this place is for, but still, by the time you put it here you want it to be polished up nice and clean, right?
Thank you for your hard work.
Like I said, it is tough to start a story like this with no real hook. I would be more interested with some more cutting language. I don't know. Do some brainstroming and come up with somehting shocking for the start.
And see how frustrating it is to not have the thing proofed? Check your spelling. Read it out loud. Have two or three other people read it if possible too. I know that is what this place is for, but still, by the time you put it here you want it to be polished up nice and clean, right?
On the other hand, you have a nice SOC style going. I can get pulled into the feeling of going down the drain, or the "out-of-controlness" of it.
Thanks again for your hard work
I like this so far. The idea of an affair is obviously a fairly common one in writing, probably because it keeps the reader's attention. It started off a little slow, however. You may want to try starting it with something more interesting, even just part of a conversation. It would be easy for a reader to lose interest without something to pull them in. I like the style, though. It's more than narrative but less than stream of consciousness. The only things I found distracting were mechanical. Punctuation needs to always go inside quotation marks. Also, if there is an exclamation or question mark, a comma is not needed. For example:
"What a sweet little boy!", the receptionist said as they entered the lobby.
Also, one typo. The beginning of the second paragraph reads:
Some days she simple sat and wondered.
I'm guessing that is supposed to read "simply." And I did have one question - is there a third son? Throughout, you say the "oldest son" but we only read about two. Unless there's another one who hasn't been mentioned, Tanner should be referred to as the "older son."
I think most of the errors would be caught through simple proof
reading. Other than that, good job. I'll be waiting to see if you
write more 
I think your idea is very interesting. However, you describe this piece of writing as this woman's story, therefore, shouldn't it be in her perspective? Right now you're writing in the third person. Also be very careful with your dialogue structure. Each set of dialogue begins a new paragraph, and all punctuation goes on the inside of the quotation marks.
She rushed the boys along to get ready to drop the oldest one at Mother’s Morning Out.
“Come on boys! Stop that playing around! Let’s get you guys dressed.”
She put the oldest one in the bathroom with a toothbrush and the little one in the bedroom to take off his pjs.
Back in the car, now in route to her husband's office,she told the little one in the back seat, “Let’s go see Daddy.”
He smiled and kicked his legs saying, “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,” over and over again.
It brought tears to her eyes.
“We will just take this up to Daddy,." she said referring to her husbands forgotten briefcase, and added, "We’ll surprise him! He doesn’t know one of his favorite boys is coming to see him. Shhh! It’s a surprise!“ She whispered, taking him out of they car, as they were now at the office.
Just look at the structure of any book, it will definitely help you out.
Also, be wary of run on sentences. I think there were only a couple, one of them being in the first quote I mentioned above.
Keep going!