This was done nicely, I am curious as to the genre you wrote this to?  That way it would have been a little easier to hear it in my head or so to speak, I could be  two stepping through it in my mind, but you could have written it to head banging music! I guess that doesnt matter that much as long as it sounds good, and this sounded pretty good to me. This part here is my favorite "Not neither left nor right None down and all to go...Just thought you might wanna know"   Keep up the good work, thank you for sharing.
 

I see how this is a song, and I agree with Crone that it could go with head banging music.

At first I was digging the rhyme scheme, but then it seemed to fade away. I base a lot of poetry and music off of how well it rhymes, but that might be a bad way to view it. At any rate, I would love to hear how this is sung as a song! I'm interested to know the feel that you're going for, as the lyrics seem to explain a lot of anger or sadness. Since it could go either way, I wonder which it is.

Good work here, panic. It's good to see other poets/lyricists at work

Wow I like how this work flows so well together, almost as if it were blended in a melting pot and poured out in a single mass of word unison. The way that you decided to put some of the words in bold type face says a lot about the poem. They give me the impression that they are meant to be heard loud and in your face. Like the other two have said it would work very well as a heavy metal song.
“I hear myself from here So loud I think I'll drown I here myself from here So what else is new...So what else is new...” That stanza and two lines seem to be my favorite out of the whole thing. This is were I fell the whole mass of the point is. Overall good work.

 I try to read into the poem, to analyze it and find meaning in it but I cannot. I enjoy it for the sake of entertainment and the prospect of it going along with some good music. I could easily see this as a song, most of which do not make sense nor do they need to. Even so, my favorite music is music that has a story behind it. Something I can find and read about, or read into. References, be it modern or mythical, and  something meaningful to walk away with. "Forty-six & 2" by Tool is one of my favorite all time songs. I discovered it from someone's signature on a forum, where only this stanza was present: "I can feel my shadow changing, stretching up and over me / Soften this old armor hoping I can clear the way by / Stepping through my Shadow coming out the other side. / Step into my Shadow. / Forty-six & 2 are just ahead of me." Had me hooked in a heart beat. What is 46 & 2? What is it's significance? What is the Shadow? I hit Google and turned up a website talking about Tool lyrics and the meanings behind them (as it is a common thing to find) and turned up another website on Karl Jung and his counter-Freudian psychological theories. All of this made the song something much more to me, though it was immortalized for me when, using it as my Counterstrike tag during the finals of a local competition, it was blared over the loud speakers as my team brought home the win. Sometimes the love of music is more about memories and events than content, but the content helped jump start this obsession.

I am beginning to realize I not so much critique as rant about the content of whatever I read.

OH! One critique, the line "Now it will be over soon" seems to jar a little bit with the flow, maybe losing the now would make it sound better. Just a thought, face value, from the ranter. <cuts an R into webpage and walks off into the night>

 Hi Panic,

I read this more as a poem than a song and I couldn't seem to find the rhythym...maybe posting some idea as to how it is supposed to sound would allow the reader to interpret things better.  I think you could lose the emotion in just the words.....is the narrator angry? depressed? is this a ballad? hate piece?   I loved the stanzas and words used - I just couldn't seem to connect with it without what emotion was behind it because it changed the piece so greatly either way

Good work though - you have a talent here

good stuff !

like your work, especially this one