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Artist's Compromise

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poetry, non-fiction
1st
Draft

Published on:

February 15, 10:02pm

Word Count:

74

Last Edited:

February 23, 10:32am

Work Description

This work is archived. This work is archived and isn't accepting critiques or comments.  Why?
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 There's no food in my refrigerator, cupboard, in my house

Living in the fantasy has been the only food that I have

And I am never hungry

My mind is trained

Stomach is tamed

                                      Often I believe I am my fantasy.

I'll spend frivolously

what I do not have just to stay fed

Fed on music

Nourished by the arts

 

There's no food in my refrigerator, cupboard, in my house

But I am full! 

  

 

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Discussion

This is really good! I really enjoy your work as a whole. I like the idea of being fed on the arts. For many artists, this is truly the way it is.  I'll try to find a couple things that could maybe use tweaking...

Living in the fantasy has been the only food that I have

This line seems a little repetitive. Maybe if you tweaked it to something that didn't include the word food again so soon? This would also really help the ending tie up the beginning... if that makes any sense. 'Living in the fantasy has been my sustenance' for example... or 'Living in the fantasy has become my daily meal.'  I'm sure you can think of something better yet.

                                      I even believe that I am my fantasy.

I like this... but I do think that the word even is slightly unnecessary. Perhaps "I believe I am my own fantasy" or "I believe my fantasy is within me" or something?  Even just cutting the word even out would make this better...

In general, I really liked this!  Keep up the great work!

Great poem. I take from this poem that the true artist would never compromise his/her work for commercial purposes or money. Or it could mean the endless days of not being discovered. Either way the artist, on varying levels, is either inslaved or in command of his/her own destiny, depending on how you look at it. 

Either that or I could be some wack job that totally missed your point.

 

 Mandi, I really appreciate your input.  I made a change in area you suggested and yes, it makes more sense.  I never really paid attention of how often I used the word food.   And even with the word "even," lol...never really paid attention to what a difference it would make removing that word.  Anyhow, thanks for your critical eye! 

 I concur that this is a nice poem. Very inspiring to this community of writers. What do you think about editing the first line a little bit?

There's no food in my refrigerator, cupboard, in my house

I believe the grammar is a little distracting. Either ....my refrigerator, or cupboard, or house.......      or maybe .........my refrigerator, my cupboard, my house....

Just think about it. I actually like my latter suggestion because of the sense of rhythm. "my (3 syllables), my (2 syllables), my (one syllable)" while the reservoir of food in view grows larger, just as you have it.

Keep up the good work!

 I really enjoyed this poem and believe it speaks true to many people. which is great if you want people to like your work. I like the suggestions in the first comment and see that you did as well. However, I liked your wording in the first line. I realize the grammar would not be appropriate for prose, but this is poetry, and you can definately get away with odd grammar for rhythmic purposes or in order to invoke a certain feeling. I think the way you have worded it implies an emptiness that is searching. You're still looking for food, and realizing as the line progresses that there is none. It's like a thought.

Keep up the awesome writing!

 Annelise, Iove your comment!!!

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