So I'm on my way to class right now and cannot leave a great critique just yet, but I wanted to let you know that I thought your poem was great.  There was such a richness to the scenes presented, and I say scenes because the words described more than just images.  I really had this sense of looking at a still life photo.  The other thing I really liked was how natural it sounded, natural not meaning the "natural world" but more, in this case, a sense of the natural feelings and sound of the words/poem generally.  It displayed such a "rickness" of the communit, even though the images were so dark.  I think that's something as well, the darkness of the poem that somehow sheds  light to the scenes (?).  That doesn't really make sense so I'll re-comment on that later.  Okay, and last thing for now, I loved the fact that you did not use punctuation, that the work was structured based on the line breaks.  This made the poem, for me, very free flowing, moving.  I think in a very figurative way most of the time, so to me this poem really had the sense of moving through these different scenes based on the structure of the lines.  Again, I'll say more later, but I really enjoyed your poem and am looking forward to giving it a more thorough critique.

Well, this is quite raw.

I get a real sense of anger, frustration, and lost hope through the way that you write and the words you chose.

It's almost scary because of the rawness and anger but it still draws me in to continue reading more.

I hope you post more of your writings soon.

I really like this.  First off... it reminds me of something Kerouac or any of the other 'beats' could've written.  It's raw, yet poetic.  I can't really even think of a certain part to comment on... I just like the whole thing.  Just pure, raw emotion fed onto the page. Job well done!

AAAA-MAZING!  You had me hooked from the first line.  I dont want this to sounds corny but I can close my eyes and see the street, the people, and smell everything.  The only thing that I would change would be to add periods to the ends of the lines (where appropriate of course).   Have you ever heard of enjambment?  Its when you start on one line and continue to the next, breaking the line but not including a period.  It makes the poem read faster and, as far as I know, that's not your plan.  The periods at the end of the line would slow it down, as would commas or dashes, but like I said, it's your call.  All technicality aside, I loved this poem.  If you haven't submitted it to a publisher I would definitely recommend you do so.  I cant wait to read some more of your work.

First of all, your word count is 0, you magician, you. And more importantly, this poem is awesome. I love what you have done with the imagery. I love how it flows (And I tend to read poems out loud to get a feel of them, too) And I am very "hooked" in the poem, from the beginning, to end, it never gets lost in itself, or confuses the reader. I think it is a great example, of how one can create a poem with a lot of emotion using imagery and metaphors and the like. So keep on writing, good sir!

Oh, and I love the use of "ain't" and the personality of the voice of the poem. Great job!

 Very graphic well-defined work.  I could feel the "territory" as you took us through same.  Very vivid pictures in your words. 

Lady Dragonwyck

I also enjoyed this poem.  I thought the voice of the speaker was clearly defined from the beginning, but then as the poem went on, the voice was kind of lost. 

Question about Chu'ch?  Is that church?  Because you say churches once before.  A note on form, sometimes when people do line breaks, they lose the momentum of what their trying to say.  A few lines are short, some are longer.  To establish a more concrete flow, try making the poem into a prose poem, and see how it sounds.  Sometimes it doesn't work at all, but a lot of times, it flows  a lot better.  Just an idea. 

 This is really good. it shows raw emotion whick is good for somethng like this. It is deep and really true.

Good Job

Keep up the good work

 I absolutely love this. I've grown up seeing this kind of stuff throughout my life and let me tell ya it ain't easy. This was very moving and inspiring. I know you probably hear this stuff all the time but it was very good. You understand the full concept of writing which is a very good thing. work will inspire a lot of people living in the ghetto to also write and spill their emotions. Writing isn't the easiest thing to do but it isn't the hardest thing to do and I can tell just by reading this one little poem that you love writing. Kepp up the good work and I'll keep on reading. Thank you.

 Your poem was felt, sound like Tennessee, shame every hood is the same. Everyday life right there. I admire your positivity, because we don't have to stay bound to our circumstances just because it might be where we stay for the time being. "This too will pass". It might be where I stay, but won't be where I live. "Heaven is cocaine,  Mary Jane, and Remy Martin" that sums it up right there. "Bullets chase you", perfect description of the hood. You and I are both bright enough to know the devil is a lie thou, ain't that right?

 This poem not only is great but its strait up true. You no what your talkin about and your not tring to hide it cause its there and thats not going to change. Your not in your own world your down to earth and tell it like it is. I like the poem good job.

 I could see my home Town and all of your truths. We do not have to look very far to see this reality, it is all over the worl, although some of us has never lived it. It is raw, brutal and sad, and you captured it as it really is.

Well done

Any thoughts as to why the word count on this piece is 0?