The Jeremy Files, Chapter 2: Look What You Did
poetry, sad, friendship, love
Published on:
June 11, 10:08pmWord Count:
353Work Description
This is a series of poems I wrote while being depressed. Just so you know, an ex-friend of mine is named Jeremy and he caused my depression...
Chapter Description
These poems have no real specific order except for the order in which I wrote them. I can't even remember that so i will just be posting all the poems I know need to go in this work. Enjoy.
This work is archived and isn't accepting critiques or comments. Why?
Print
Everything I see, taste, feel reminds me of you
It’s a curse, a life this way I can't live through
Best friends forever we said, best friends, I knew
But too soon I found out these words were untrue
Every song, every poem, tears shine
Don’t want to remember, don’t want to leave behind
As these sunlit memories bring endless sadness
Under my skin I cause brilliant madness
Heart torn to pieces, trust is no longer
Though I look happy, the misery is stronger
As I dream, tears I shed
As the world around me turns bright red
Love doesn't exist
Friends aren’t true
All there is, is pain
And I learned this all from you
Everyone I open up to, whom I share my feelings with, I lose
I cant talk to anyone, my heart cant take another bruise
For there is no heart left, not even a piece or wall
Now I share no emotions, again I shan’t fall
Why did you leave? Why did you have to create hell?
Why did you have to push me over the edge after I fell?
I loved you, and you toyed with my heart
Then when my defenses fell, you tore me apart
Now no one understands, no one cares
No one listens, and no one dares
You plunged a dagger deep into my heart
And ripped it out, leaving nothing but a gory mark
I thought it was fate, destiny
I believed we were meant to be
Then you threw me aside like a forlorn garment
And buried me in your memory until you forgot me, 'til you were
content
You’re over our happy times
Creating new ones in your "better" lifetime
Now, thanks to you, I have no more happy days
Thanks to those three that you shattered, by the way
Only three things could happen that would make me happy
But you made sure none of the two that could happen would be
You crushed my heart and shattered my dreams
Now all that’s left is a husk that used to be me
Rate This Work
Your honest rating will help the author improve, and you'll earn a little karma too.
Please log in to rate.Discussion
I really like it, it makes the reader feel how you felt when inspired to write it and I believe that's what good poems are all about.
Some of the lines are too long and cumbersome and ruin the rhythm though.
I think if you play around with some of the wording, you could improve on that greatly. For instance, leave out the word as in the 7th line, and the words I cause in the 8th.
Reading it out loud to yourself helps, that's what I do.
Keep writing, you have talent, and it's not true that no one understands and no one cares.
It makes me wonder if my craving for specifics is perhaps pathological...I enjoyed the fact that even though you decided to rhyme, you did not compromise your say by forcing the rhymes and sacrificed the meter...I found it very effective.
This poem is very emotional, so it's hard to really critique it. That's the thing with poetry, since it's so personal. I can't really point to something and say "well that doesn't sound right" because how do I know? I liked this one, though, because it was so full of feeling. The reader could definitely pick up on the hurt and anger you were feeling. The only typos I noticed were in stanza five, line two, you have two "cant"s that are missing apostrophes. Good job. Very emotional.