Great story. The beginning was an excellent introduction. You make the reader think that he's there drinking trying to drown away the sorrows that come with his job, but then you realize that it's much more personal than that. A social worker with an abusive wife? An interesting twist of irony, but not completely unbelievable. It tells a lot about the main character, how he had the strength to stand up for others, but not himself.

I like how you squeeze in tiny little stories of the things the man comes across during his work. It helps to explain the horrors he deals with on a daily basis, and just how hard his job really is. The background on why he became a social worker is also a good touch. it gives him purpose, a reason. Its his inspiration to continue this potentially self-destructive career. It seems it will also be his drive to try and fix his life at home, the feeling of guilt for betraying his promise.

A great way to start the story. I wonder what kind of problems he'll encounter when he tries to right his life. Keep up the great writing.

 John Clements sat alone ...His sleeves are rolled up

The first thing I noticed was the inconsistancy in tense.  Past, present or future.  Pick the one that suits the story best and stick with it.  I know, it's my biggest problem area as well.

That said, you have many different areas of description that are wide open for something fanastic.  Instead, you've decided to tell us about it.  I want to see this bar, smell the liquor, know about the other occupants. 

 tie half undone and hanging limply around his neck

An example of telling.  Tell me about the tie.  Make it come to life, as if I could reach out and touch it.  Polyester?  It's not the seventies.  Silk?  Can he really afford that?  Fill in the blanks.  Description is where you have the opportunity to tell us about the character without being obvious.  I hope that all makes sense.

thinking of how fragile it was to still be a child. 

This is a given and doesn't need to be spoken.  Tell the story and let the readers come to their own conclusions.

Mike was his daily inspiration and he would always remember the day his mom sat him down and told him that Mike, his sister Julie, and their father had died at the hands of their abusive mother.  He and Mike had been fifteen years old, Julie eleven.

Again, telling and not showing.  It's okay to go off on a tangent here, taking the reader to a whole new scene and making it real for us. What room did they sit in?  Did he remember something about Mike?  Something symbolic?  A toy, a game, a saying?  Let us into the story.

He fondles the shot glass as he

Now, he's back in the bar.  This needs to be signaled with a paragraph break, the simpliest way to jump from one scene to another.

Every day he gets up and goes to work,

By this point, I'm wondering if I will ever know why he's sitting in the bar and when the real story begins.  Is the details of his day to day necessary?  If so, can they be worked in at a later time? Right now, I want to know what the story is about. What's going to happen?

And you got there.  Again, make it real.  Describe the bruises. Show her behaviors, sneaking around, dodging questions.  I want to see this woman.  I want to feel his pain.  You have the beginning to a great story.  Now make it real for us.

Thanks,

Amber Lynn

Hello Renea. The idea is interesting and the subject is NOW. Still, for me the story needs some work. The characters stay flat for me, as does his musing. If I were an invisible browsing around in his head, I'd probably see the details. But being mortal, I need mor flesh on the bones.

There are also some things I can't believe, for example:

sat on the witness stand and related every horrible thing the sadistic man had ever done to her.  He had gone home that night and watched his own kids sleep thinking of how fragile it was to still be a child.

I don't think the little kid would 'relate every horrible thing the sadistic man had evr done to her '... she'd tell everything she could remember and some things would have to be coaxed out of her by a trained psychologist because kids push away things that hurt too much.

And here comes a niggle: after 'the sadistic man'  you refer to 'He'. That's our hero, of course, but one has to think for a moment who 'he' is ...

When you talk about 'Mike', his 'best friend', we learn absolutely nothing about their relationship, what made them tick, what Mike suffered over the years they knew each other, we don't get a chance to identify with Mike - or his siter Julie who appears only once. But one day they're both dead. How did their mother kill them? Why don't I care?

Mike was his daily inspiration and he would always remember the day his mom sat him down and told him that Mike, his sister Julie, and their father had died at the hands of their abusive mother.  He and Mike had been fifteen years old, Julie eleven.

And then there is

The little boy three years ago whose parents locked him up in cages and the woman whose husband almost succeeded in a final attempt to kill her and her unborn child.

I would like more on that. But here I also have a nit to pick with the plural of cages ... I am sure they locked him up in a cage. The husband who almost succeeded in a 'final' attempt to kill her probably had a long history of abuse, and this was just the last time, he'd seen it coming, which actually killed them.

In this phrase:

He fights the good fight against drug, alcohol, and anger induced parents and kids. 

I get confused by the wording: surely you wanted to say, "He fights the good fight against drug and alcohol-induced anger in parents and kids?

There is such a lot of good stuff here that re-working and fleshing it out, letting us know where the guy is, what exactly is going through his head, how miserable he really is, that he should have seen it coming etc, smells, colours, detailed feelings will make it an interesting first half of the story.

When we get to his own wife I really want to know more. It stays flat. She stays flat. I can't believe, for example, that she should be an alcolic and he didn't know. A social worker? He must have worried from time to time to leave the kids with her. I am simply not convinced. Reading it as it is, I begin to think he's really thick.

Is this guy actually fit to (a) be a social worker but, (b) even more important, a fit husband and father?  When he muses about the fact that she promised 'to love him unconditionally' he is I think, in cloudcoockooland, isn't he? He is a social worker and has seen more misery than anyone eles. So, is it possible for a man of that kind to be so selfish? Wouldn't he have to wonder what he did wrong to make her drink? Was he never at home? Did he 'abandon' her in a way? Did he not promise to love her equally? Does he not wonder whether he shouldn't just 'chuck it all in'?

Anway, what I am trying to say in such a long-winded way is, that the story has tremendous potential, and that I'd love to see it again, but with its protagonists turned into flesh-and-blood beings.