Hello, RLyn! I absolutely do love this piece upon the 'I am...' scenario. I do think that you should add more to this also. Here  are some ideas that maybe you could use for your scenario:

I am that popular kid in school,

who wears expensive clothes

and chews and pops bubble gum

I am the nerdy kid in school

With the thick, coke bottle glasses,

The unslightly, pus-filled pimples on his face,

And the pocket protector on my polo

Ok, with the idea being said, it is time for the read review. Yes, I did enjoy this poem for its uniqueness but you do have a little revising to do in some of your lines in your poem. For one:

I am the girl who listens intently to her mothers bed time story

Ok, there are two errors in this line in your poem. To start the first of your errors of this poem off, first of all, what kind of girl listens intently to a bedtime story? Is the girl a toddler, is the girl a kindergardener, is this girl a first grader, or better yet, to make a long story short, is she a kid? Is she a preteen girl at all? Or is the girl a teenage, or a young adult. You will need to establish this rule whenever you are writing yourself a poem such as this. For instance, study the sentence Life is like a box of chocolates: You never know what you are going to get. What specific kinds of chocolates are in the box? Are the chocolates, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate, or are they chocolates with nuts. Also whenever doing a poem, you must also describe the person, people, placesm of miscellaneous objects in order for the read to imagine the descriptions. What is the descriptions  of the chocolates? Are they soft, hard, rich, decadent or do they melt in your mouth? So to describe my "life is like a box of chocolates, you would actually say it like Life is like a rich, decadent, melt in your mouth box of milk chocolates: You never know what you are going to get. With all of that being said, you should write the blockquoted line like I am the kindergarten (Or toddler or a first grader, but I will leave the choices up to you, since you are the author of this poem) girl who listens to her mother's bed time story. Also what I had found in your sentence, is that you do not have an apostrophe for the word mothers. Remember that you only need to do that when a name becomes possessive like the name Ed's. To also help you, a possessive pronoun version of Ed's would be his, just so you know. The third error that I had found in your story was that you separated the words bed and time. That is a compound word (Two words that make up one word, in case you forgot) so you should scrunch the two words from bed time into bedtime. To help you with the compund words, other words that are compund are playground, deadbeat, overtime, touchdown, et cetera et cetera. Ok, this is what I have for now. I hope what I did was not harsh for you. I look forward to reading more of your works also. Take care

 Hello to the sweet spirit that wrote this lovely piece.  We have not met yet, but I hope to read more of what makes you you.

I am hoping that Adriene forgives me for disagreeing with her initial paragraphs critiquing this work.. I think that your illusion to the child clutching a teddy bear   is charming.  There is really no age limit to this, nor is there an imperiative need to establish an age.. Age is an illusion.  I still love to hold something to my chest, although it is usually a pillow, it still shows the inner need for the comfort of touch. By leaving out an age description, you have invited anyone,, yes, even a macho man into your work...  EVERYBODY needs the comfort of touch, and I think that this is really the message that your words convey.  You are everybody,, we all have needs, we all have flaws, we are all mortal in NEED of something,, like acceptance.  To me, your poem cries out that we are all humans in different walks of life.  Don't take away the innocence and decadence of that statement by qualifying it.

I would agree with my friend A about the spelling errors, and the possesives.  But that is an easy fix.  I bet you would have caught that in a fresh reading of your work. 

This piece has charm.  the only part I felt I did not understand was the ending.  Who are you that I think about all the time?  What is that?  Can you tell me?  Name it, and then show me the quality in all of us that you are trying to capture in prose, ,,, what makes all of these people the same?  could it be the human factor,, ??? tell me what you are saying from your heart?   I think this is a four,, and when it is reworked a little, it might even be a five star..   Very creative and invitive,, It provokes deep thought about the similarities that all people share,, and yet the differences we share,,,,,,, but what is that exactly?  what is that ties us together as humans? what is on my lips that I don't talk about? I am greatful,, who is I?  give me just a little more,, and I am hooked....

I really enjoyed reading this piece and that is due to being made aware of its premise.  Knowing what precipitated its birth. If you had not told your story, as you did, in the description I might not have enjoyed it as much.  The poem really doesn't make an anti-war statement, or support for that matter. The way I understand it, and please correct me if I'm wrong, is that "I" is the soldier. "i" the Soldier represents each of us in our various stages of life. I found that to be very moving and profound.

 hey that was awsome i relally liked it, the way you worded that the way you indented this little note in my mind was insane i am somewhere that i can not write a descent critic but i will come back soon and write one caus ethis was insanely good

 Your poem was very good. It was full of metaphorical comparisons, which to me are very hard to do correctly, so good job. I believe it is a great thing you did, making this poem to show your gratitude to the soldiers, because most people do take them for granted and I'm sure they will love it. To me, your flow is a bit off. I only say this because you don't periodically put shorter, meaningful lines in your poem which sets off the flow or your beautiful, detailed, long lines. I would suggest either adding some short, meaningfull lines or making the line about the teacher and the chalk as long as the others but still saying what you want to say without adding to many unnecessary words. I would try, "I am a nervous teacher holding a piece of chalk in my hand as I boldy teach the class about war". It adds more meaning to the poem and also relates it, again, to the soldiers and the war, but it is only a suggestion. All in all, a very well written and meaningful poem, great job ^-^.

This piece is very powerful.  I think your message comes across clearly without introducing with that "I am" in the beginning.  Your writing speaks for itself, you don't need to preface it in my opinion.

As far as your actual writing goes I think it is phenomenal.  I like the images, I like the ideas, hell... I like the poem.  My suggestions are purely structural for the most part.

I would first of all try to find a way to break this into stanzas that aren't so intimidating.  At first glance I thought I was coming into a rant poem.  Your message is so much more than that.  Just as an experiment I'd try making a new line every time you hit a comma or a period.  See How it looks becuase a new line in a stanza is usually a new thought.  It may not work out perfectly but just see how it feels.

As far as context goes I might switch some passages around.  Like instead of doing the "Older man..." section followed by the "old woman..." section...  I'd interrupt it with the "nervous young man..." bit.  Going back and forth from extremes works to your advantage here.  It helps express how complicated people are, how much people can be not what they seem, or how we as people can be everything and nothing all at once.

I lost the end too, my only critique would be that you don't do the repetitive "I am" thing.  Start it with the "I am you"  I like that but instead of saying "I am everyone you see" what if it read "Every person you see" then you hit it hard with the "I am Freedom" and transition back into "Your heart," "and your soul."

Lastly, I would end with "I am thank you."  It may just be me, but I think the "grateful" part takes away from the poem.  I think ending with "I am thank you" makes a huge statement and the part after it softens the powerful imagery and ideas you are portraying.

I loved your poem and hope to read more soon.

Critique: “I Am” by RLyn

“I Am” by RLyn is a wonderful poem expressing her deep diversity of feelings for family and the stages of our lives. She shows us that we are all the same because we all feel love, have similar believes we may fight for, love our freedom and are grateful for it.

I especially love the line: “I am a young woman with long blond hair and bright blue eyes. I am holding my first true loves hand, and couldn't be happier.”

RLyn has the uncanny insight into what it might be like to be all the other people mentioned in her poem, and the mood of the poem is continuous throughout.

Her style is unique and I would love to see her continue to express herself in this freedom that she shows in this writing. Please take it further in other writings.

She does not stoop to using clichéd or overused symbols or metaphors and thus hers is a refreshing read –like the aroma in the breeze after a thunderstorm, on a sultry August evening.

I get the feeling that the poem has a stream of conscious style and would be willing to bet that RLyn did not have to labor on its writing. It flows freely.

Overall, I found the poem to be extremely refreshing.

I enjoyed this and wanted to say thank you.

I thought this was a well-done poem that got across the point you wanted it to. It was simple, in a good way, not trying to over-explain anything or insert superfluous details that are described using words that are pretty but without much substance. It wasn't trying to be overly "poetical" in a pretentious way, which I appreciate.

The repetition of "I am" doesn't get annoying, but let's several different "characters" speak using their own voice, representing many different kinds of people in America. They may not appreciate, and may even openly protest, what the soldiers are doing, but the soldiers will continue to fight for those people's right to do so. I have a brother in the Army who is training at Fort Benning in Georgia right now, so I think I can relate to what you're writing about.

There were just a few minor errors that I noticed that you may want to take a look at.

I am holding my first true loves hand

You just forgot to put the apostrophe before the "s" in "loves".

There's a bit of an inconsistency with how you handle possessive nouns in some of the lines.

clutching her teddy bear tightly to her chest. I listen intently to my mother's bedtime story

You switch between using "her" and "my" in this line. You use first-person (my) in some lines, and third-person (his/her) in others.

I will shortly hand my sixteen year old son the keys to his first car.

I sit hunched over my Bible

I am a big sister who can be considered to be a bully to her little brother

I don't know if this was intentional, and maybe it sounds okay either way. Grammatically, they can't both be correct. You should pick one way of writing the possessive nouns, and keep it consistent throughout. That's only really noticeable error I found within the poem, and that's really all I would suggest changing.