My two main gripes with this piece of poetry are :

1) The repetition of the word refuge in the last lines of the piece seem to me to be a bit clunky, Repetition can be used well if its to achieve a particular effect but in this poem I just can't see it.

2) Overall the piece seems like it's trying to hard to include beautiful language but from reading it a few times I'm still none the wiser as to what it means. It's a poem about Paradoxes but I don't feel as though I've learnt anything or anything has been revealed.

Cheers,

Chris

 First, I think you will need something longer to make a serious showing in the contest. I think you grabbed a couple of aspects from the picture really well. I don't feel like you live up to your title exactly though. There's not enough paradox in your poem to speak of things such as "the ultimate paradox". It's not a bad poem, but I would advise a total rewrite for the march contest.

 A suggestion:  This would really be good if you found a way to show that a "paradox" is an artifact of the mind or of semantics and use this to resolve the conflict inherent in the writing.  Think of the spuriousness of wave-particle "duality" or the semantic convention and convenience of the mind-body split, more apparent than real.

Beautifully written! Short and to the point! I'm sure this one will win. I only wish I knew what your poem is about, I read it many times, and then many times more and yet I still do not understand in the slightest what it could be about. I know that there is a paradox somewhere in there, and it may or may not have to do with growing up, or maturing in some way.

That's a paradox, thinking something is beautiful without understanding it or knowing exactly why it is beautiful.

The part I did not understand was this:

Alight with life yet so barren

The ultimate paradox

Half in light and half in shadow

Providing security in a false way

Struggling to maintain

A sole bastion of refuge yet so exposed

On the outskirts of anonymity

 

Maybe if you expanded on each line, or maybe if you wrote another piece describing this piece, I could grasp what it means. I'm sure this piece is quite good, I just understand nothing about it. I don't think I'm so stupid that I am the only one (Although, I wouldn't be surprised) that does not understand this. Maybe if you replaced the poem with another poem about horses. Or perhaps about the tree in the picture for the March contest.

 hi, roy--

i'm reading your poem again, and i can see the contrasts you're positing--fertile vs barren, light vs dark, safety vs lies, security vs accomplishment; i'm not sure these are examples of paradox, however. paradox is, to me, a conflict inside which the facts or logic of a situation contradict themselves to the point of nonexistence. (okay, my brain hurts.)

these ideas feel more like illustrations of opposites, or apparently exclusionary ideas (security vs success).

i do like pondering the lines of your poem, the various translations, and for sure, art is subjective. if this poem means something different to me than you intended, its value isn't diminished. thousands of people could each find their own message in this poem, but i'm not sure your intended message is getting through...and if too few people can understand what you mean, are you truly communicating?

it's a thought--you've gotten me all philosophical, here.

my favorite line:

On the outskirts of anonymity

i don't know what specific point you meant to make, but i like rolling this around in my head, thinking about the individual words and how they relate to each other. the outskirts of a meaningful life, since we often impart meaning to ourselves by how others see us? someone who once had notoriety, and has since slid to the edges, no longer viable in that respect? fascinating stuff.

thanks for posting your poem, roy, and good luck in the contest!