A Teacher's Fictional Resume
flash fiction
Published on:
May 30, 9:59pmWord Count:
797Last Edited:
June 6, 10:42pmWork Description
A teacher's fictional resume, with a good amount of reality
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Objectives
1) To teach well.
2) To help my students and my school to be their best.
CREDENTIALS/EDUCATION
California Preliminary Single Subject Credential – Degradation 2006
California Preliminary Multiple Subject Credential – Piaget 2003
Cross-Cultural, Language, and Academic Arrest Credential (CLAA) California State University, Los Angeles, Los Angeles, California 2003
Bachelor of Arts, Liberal Studies: Degradation with Honors in the Major
STRENGTHS & SKILLS
* Teaching in small groups * Sub-Adequate computer skills: IBM/Mac: Microsoft whole classroom settings Office 2000 – Word, Excel and Power Point * Self-motivated * Team Oriented* Violent and Confrontational * Persuasive * Energetic * Sociable * Diplomatic
EXPERIENCE
Special Education Teacher – LAUSD 2006-2007
End of Hope Elementary, 1630 Hope Cul de Sac Ave. Los Angeles, 90666. 310 310 3103 V. Tureeble, Principal.
Special Day Class – Severe to Threatening
Managed as Lead Teacher for full-time staff of three
Had fun, but generally ignored students needs - more through ignorance than malice
Heavy IEPs : Coordinated and participated in many meetings, conferences, and workshops to the degradation and futility of all
Substitute Teaching – LAUSD 2005
End of Hope Elementary, 1630 Hope Cul de Sac Ave. Los Angeles, 90666. 310 310 3103, V. Tureeble, Principal.
Warner Elementary, 615 Holmby Ave, Los Angeles, 90024. 310 475 5893. Principal Unknown
Short Elementary, 12814 Maxella Ave, Los Angeles, 90066. 310 397 4234. Principal Unavailable Due to funding shortage
Bethune Middle School 2005 155 West 69th St, Los Angeles, 90003. 323 971 3646. Principal occupied with security concerns. Sixth Grade Terror/Anarchy Core Curriculum Teacher
75th Street Elementary School 2005 142 W. 75th St., Los Angeles, 90003. 323 971 8885. Principal fully engaged.
Early Contract Teacher Substitute Teacher Ritter Elementary School 2004 11108 Watts Ave, Los Angeles, 90059. 323 564 2478. Principal last seen hauling canine carcass off campus.Classroom Teacher
Huntington Learning Center 2004 11819 Wilshire Blvd # 201, Los Angeles, CA
Director occupied with research. Gen. Mgr. generally concerned with illusion of safety and stirring up panic. (310) 444-0111 Tutor, Math and Language Arts
Mourning Avenue Elementary School. 2003 LAUSD, District D, 2411 Mourning Ave, Los Angeles 90006. 213 938 3608. Principal openly hostile to non-friends on staff (amazing food, though, now discontinued) Student Teacher
ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Meager, unimpressive and irrelevant apart from the miracle of keeping alive a tiny spark of life not yet extinguished by the soul killing LAUSD machine.
Personal Statement of Intent:
I left the entertainment industry in 1909 to make good on my longstanding personal promise to return to school and complete my degree program. As I began down the road to my first classroom, Thank god for my naivete. Without it I never would have gotten started. So far for me the 20th Century has been a series of adventurous surprises, from amazingly good (i.e., getting the key to my first classroom in Watts) to torturously bad (i.e., leaving LAUSD in disgrace). I now re-commit myself to the task of teaching. Whatever is put before me, I will teach. Whatever obfuscation of my version of reality is presented by my secretaries, clerks, managers, principals, APs, coaches, administrators, parents, plant managers, fellow teachers and friends, I will teach. Whatever students are put in front of me, I will teach to the best of my ability. Whatever form it takes, whether in a public or private classroom, as a tutor or coach, or with my family, I will teach. I am a teacher, and I will teach. I will remember my goals and my dreams. I have always been and will continue to be a team player, working as hard as I can to bring the whole community to a higher level. But-and this is a developing skill, here- I will also ask for help when I need it, as soon as I need it, and ask again and again if necessary, until I have what I need to help the students. I will teach and I will live my life head held high. Fuck the Bozoes. I will supplement my teaching income with a variety of revenue-producing ventures, including writing about teaching. I will stay healthy and strong; I will listen and give feedback; not foisting my opinions on others, but telling the truth when asked. Of course, most people don't really know HOW to ask real questions, so for them maybe I can go ahead and assume I know better. For everyone else, to for that matter. Fuck them all. I will teach with whatever tools are available, the lessons I have learned about curiosity,
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Hi there,
This is absolutely hilarious! 
It's a little different, a little obnoxious, a little out there, yet still entertaining. Nice use of a resume format (usually thought of as boring) to create a character far from mundane. I see this as sort of an "opener" for a longer piece of work - maybe even a novel.
If you want it to work as a little standing piece, that would work, too.
I do, however, have a few suggestions for you:
Consider changing the title. "A Teacher's Fictional Resume" just doesn't do much for me. It gives it away. I want something a little more creative, a little more exciting. You could just label this "Resume" and the reader will know it's for a teacher after reading the first objective. The fact that it's fictional we get a little more into the "story" - I think that's the way it should be.
In the "Experience" section, I think it would be easier to read if the formatting was the same all throughout -e.g. state title first, then school. Sometimes you didn't state what you were doing there; other times you did. I would have liked to see more consistency.
Same goes with the phone numbers - sometimes the area code is in parentheses, sometimes it isn't. I'm sorry if this is really nitpicky, but I think that it will make a difference to the reader depending on how polished this looks.
As I began down the road to my first classroom, Thank god for my naivete.
Not sure why "thank" is capitalized while "god" is not.
The first time you began to curse, it was kind of funny. Then, toward the end, it just felt sort of vulgar and out of place. Too much repetition of the same trick waters down the effect.
Alright, I hope my comments help! If I made something unclear, don't hesitate to ask. I'm new to the critiquing thing.
Hugs,
Natalie
I liked the way you started off your book. It was kind of a surprise. Something you might want to change is, instead of totally outrageous excuses for some of them, make them more plausible. You may have been going for weird excuses though. If that is the case, then they were funny. I really don't get the "violent" credential on her resume. Why is that good? You might want to change that to something else like "straight-forward" or something like that. If she left entertainment in 1909, and is teaching in 2003, wouldn't she be really old? Is that put in there just to show her inconsistency? Explain why she left LAUSD in disgrace. I might have just missed that part, though. Thanks for letting me critique, and I hope you post more chapters soon.