I really like the playful air of this poem. I like the capitalization. I like the rhyme. It's a refreshing take on a serious topic. Reading this poem makes me smile.

One thing: I think you could removed the "(pause)" and just leave the ellipses. The ellipses will, I think, accomplish that effect on their own.

Also, it's not a bad thing, per se, but the list of nouns in the fourth stanza doesn't match up as well sound-wise as the nouns in the second stanza, which all have the e sound as found in "jet". There is a good transition in the fourth stanza from "vic" to "vation" to "vindication". Maybe "redemption" should be left to that fifth stanza and another put in its place for the fourth? I don't know. It's really quite good as is.

Thanks! I can't wait to read that story. ( : 

Relaxing Deception
it changes my perception

The "it" here slows down the rhythm, which is otherwise very strong in this first stanza.

I agree with Mimi about the "(pause)"--it looks too much like a note you're giving yourself about what to do when you read it out loud.

I don't feel the emotion the third stanza is trying to present as strongly as I should. Possibly because the first stanza is (comparatively) more light-hearted whereas the third stanza reads as strictly serious to me--as a result, the two don't seem to fit together (in my opinion).

The ellipses in the last line softens it a lot--if this was intentional, good job. I would personally opt for a harsher end, though, with a single period.

Nice stuff, sir!

Hello there! I guess I am just going to throw myself into stating my thoughts, because there's not much chance that they will be terribly coherent at this point.

The first thing that makes my brow furrow a little is the capitalization. I like the rhythm, but there are places where it seems like the capitalization is...unnecessary? Maybe not. Why is the capitalization there? To lend importance to the words that are capitalized? If that's the case, I'd suggest maybe not capitalizing things that would otherwise, grammatically, be capital, like "I." On the other hand, if "I" is just as important as those other things, maybe it should be capitalized.

Perhaps because I am so tired I am not sure precisely what the situation, or relationship, the poem describes is. No poem's interpretation should be something set in stone--because poetry ought to be imagery, which ought to open rather than limit interpretation--but this seems too loose and vague and baggy. I wish I knew what the issue was. I wish I wasn't so tired, too. Also, a pony would be nice.

I agree that the (pause) should just be ellipses, which sufficiently convey the trailing off. Additionally, the white space after the lines conveys a pause. What you could even do is put the ellipses off in their own line, perhaps even in parentheses! Oh, the fun ways that poetry can break grammatical rules!

Also, personally, I think that the last line would be better as a hard stop, or, perhaps, with no stop at all. I don't like the ellipsis, though, which I think softens it almost too much. The softness of the ellipsis, as well as the harsh finality of the period, suggests that this is a viable solution to whatever the problem might be. If that's what you want to imply, choose one of those! If it's not--if it's a stopgap, of it's a way to ignore a problem that will ultimately arise again--I'd not punctuate it at all. Yay, subjective stylistic things!

Overall, nice poem, sir! You are braver than I. Also, I'm glad you have ideas! I'd like to hear about them, or something.

I like how the poem starts off, because

Relaxing Deception
 

suggests a lot of things at once, because relaxed implies calm, ease, a "collecting your thoughts" sort of moment whereas deception implies something hidden, false, an un-truth.  Cool word choice. 

Just looking at the poem now, I have to agree with what other people have said in that the

(pause)….

seems a little off for some reason.  It could be that I just don't understand things sometimes, but maybe instead of removing it completely it could change.  I would actually like to see it incorparated in some way into the poem, because I feel like the ellipses remove it from the rest of the work.  I think an abrupt stop rather than a lingering one might emphasize the lines

so that all things bad
are all things I’ve had
and the choice I made
 

because they seem to read fairly quickly, if that makes sense.  What I was suggesting might look like

almost got me.

Stop.

or maybe

almost got me

Stop.

Just wanted to throw a few ideas out there.  It is quite possible that they don't work at all, but I kind of liked the idea of a stop rather than a pause because the lines

Deception
       Erection
          Rejection
          Conception
 

 and

                        Redemption
                        Conviction
                        Salvation
                        Vindication

 

seemed to seperate the lines of flowing text.  That is about all I've got, and since I don't really know much about poetry, if anything I said sounds like hogwash it might very well (but not intentionally) be.

I love the written pauses, and the general structure of the poem. It kind of reminds me of my thought process. Only, I don't use as many rhymes.

 I really like the way this poem goes through various stages of relationships, however I do think that the first interlude of four words could be more apt.  I'm not sure how, but every time I read it something seems off about it.  That might just be me though.