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I wonder about you

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fantasy, love, spirituality, lost, feelings, god
1st
Draft

Published on:

May 8, 12:15pm

Word Count:

314

Work Description

A poem. A personal piece for me. I wrote this at a time when I felt empty and alone. I would appreciate some feed back .Thank you

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As I sit in wonder of you

In all of your magnificent grandeur

Your beauty, which surrounds me

Everyday, your reflections

I see it in

All of your humble creations

In search of you and all of your beauty

I sit and wait and wonder about you

 

The sun beating down bright and holy

All this open space

I feel your breath caressing my face,

 Or was it just a breeze

Or whispers from far away

 

I look around and still I cannot

know all of your wonders

Am I somewhat blind?

I wonder about you, and yes

Often I speak with you

It feeds my soul

So why is it that I still

 feel so alone

Your Love and Grace

Where are you? I wonder

I cannot hear you

Deaf perhaps

Or just in slumber

You should know all of me even when I

Refrain from speaking your name

 

This journey is painful and I fear

 I am lost

Without you

I do not know who I am, not

All of me, not just yet

I need you more

Than you need me

I am only your servant, so let me

be of service if only to me

Just for a little while , till I feel whole again.

And not lost in search of you.

And wonder everyday

To reach you, I need to feel again

Bless me with sight

Reveal to me what I must be

To understand you and this journey

You choose for me

Be my nourishment I seek every day

I do believe you know me

It’s me …remember, I sit in wonder of

you every single day

So! Come into my spirit and show

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Discussion

 Sorry, I've got nothing critique here. (l.o.l)

Anyway, this was a fine piece you put down and really down to it with spiritual guidence.

BET once said: "Rated Next"!

I like how some of the stanzas are repeated.  The language is vivid and captures the reader's attention.  I love how all the senses are interconnected with the spiritual guide from a greater being.  You emphasize sight, sound, and sensation.

This is definitely a really great poem. You conveyed your message well and I most appreciated that it didnt rhyme as so many poems do on this site. The form was ok, just not the way that i would have done it. I thought that the lines were a bit broken up and that made it not flow as well. I also found that you probably should have used more punctuation. There were points that you did one second and then the next there was none. That also would have made it flow better. Yet, I could still relate to it. Had it flowed better there would have been more sympathy as I read and had the punctuation been a bit more consistent i could have concentrated more on the content vs the structure. But, all in all this is a good poem. Keep Writing!

 

 

 Hi, I thank you all for your input, it is most aprreciated.

I will take note of my flow and grammer....my sore point...

warmth to you all

Thank you

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