(Sigh)

Sherry my sister, I've taken the time to read your work and all I can say is I'm very sorry about what all of South Africa is dealing with. Fear not, we people of the United States got it bad with that kind of problem as much as  the next country on the planet. I can't imagine babies so young being raped by cruel human beings. I feel your outrage against those jokers who have gone unpunished for their crimes.

  My heart goes out to you. 1 love!

 Close your eyes and take a deep breath…..Try to imagine.

I'm not sure, exactly, why this sentence read weird.  Perhaps because it's as if you're forcing the reader to be there.  I personally feel that it would be more effective to create the scene in which we are supposed to be and let it happen from there.  This sentence is too much of an uncomfortable narrative voice.

A stranger suddenly grabs you from behind, telling you in your ear that he has a gun and you had better do as he says.

There are those who disagree, but I feel adverbs in writing are openings to more description that could bring the scene to life.  Instead of "suddenly", what about the hand on "you're" arm.  Is it big, powerful?  Does it hurt?  Is it dark?  Is there anyone around?  I think setting the scene would clear up a lot of the questions I'm facing in this piece, and relieve your need for adverbs, such as suddenly.

You feel the blood draining from you,

This sentence is an impossibility and breaks the realism of the scene you are trying to create.

Your attacker helps you

This word choice contradicts the point, giving the reader the feeling that the attacker is a kind, helpful soul.

holding on tighter, hurting you and drags you to an isolated area.

"Hurting you" how?  I would look at the structure of this sentence.  ...holding on tighter as he drags you to an isolated area...(perhaps), then follow up with what hurts.

You know you screamed you felt your mouth move but no sound came out.

This sentence could use some tidying up. "You know" makes the point wishy washy, and if removed, the sentence would still work.  Then, perhaps breaking it up into smaller sentences.  This can be very effective in creating tension. 

and suddenly you are on the ground.

Here with suddenly again.  What got you on the ground? What happened?  Were "you" gently laid on the ground or thown?  What kind of ground?  Dirt? Cement?  Plush orange shag carpet?  These details can bring a scene to life.

 You are thinking, “No, please don’t let this happen to me”.

This line can be essential, but right now it's lost in a paragraph of description.  "No, please don't let this happen to me" would work fantastically as it's own line, without the tag "You are thinking" to drag it down.  Just that phrase, perhaps italicized, would make an impact. Don't be afraid to let important lines stand on their own. 

 Terror grips you delaying your reactions somewhat. This is all happening too fast.

These two lines are essentially unnecessary as you've described these thoughts with the rest of the paragraph.  These are just used for telling, but the rest "shows" us these exact thoughts.

You try to resist but you feel over powered. He is strong. He slaps you and tells you to lay still and shut up. His hands are rough between your thighs and he is determined as he pulls at your underwear. You start to cry, your entire body going into uncontrollable shaking spasms. You say no, weakly, to your dismay. You beg him not to do this, not to hurt you. Your pleas, tears and fears are ignored. Suddenly you feel a stabbing sharp foreign object being forced into you, you scream out in pain. He slams into you roughly wanting to kiss you; he licks, spits, and drools over your face.

This could use some organization of thought.  Step by step, adding small details.  We've all read this scene before.  Now, you need to make it unique so that we care about "you".  If it's outside, are there stars above?  Is it in an alley, beside some litter?  What about him?  Anything unique? A smell, a scar, a gap between his teeth.  Make us care by making it more real.

Child rape has escalated to a shocking number especially in my country

...escalated to shocking number (coma) especially...

There are no, never has been special circumstances for rape.

This sentence read strange.  "There are no special circumstances for rape.  There never has been." Or something along the lines would clarify the thoughts.

In some cultures it is still

In some cultures (coma) it is still...

Their argument being that these woman dresses provocatively, attracting this sort of thing to happen to them.

This line could use some tidying.  "Their" doesn't really tell us who's arguement.  Making the women the subject, "The women dress provacatively, therefore attracting this ..."

Also, "This sort of thing," is language that makes the violence seem frivolent and unimportant, going against your case.

Making it their fault. 

This line needs to be incorporated into the previous sentence, or left out completely.

I do not think so!

You just asked a question of the readers.  Let them answer it, leaving out your own voice.  The power of a persuasion peice is writing it well enought that the readers can answer these questions without the writer stating the answer.

Counselling of victims is defectively one of the problems in our system.

This sentence read strange.  I'm not sure about the grammer of one of the problems being defective.  Simply stating that inadequate counselling is a problem is enough if you follow by explaining why, which, by the way, you need to do.

In this entire paragraph, you need to look at the structure and organization.  You bounce around between ideas.  I recommend breaking down the paragraph to several. One describing the inadequacies in reporting, one for the problems in counseling, and then one for the logistical problems of prosecution.  The paragraph you have goes on to talk about child rape, which should hold a paragraph all it's own.   

I would also go through and choose the facts that are most relevant.  There are an awful lot to wade through.  Selective statstics make and examples will tighten your peice.

Why is it then that these crimes against woman and children are increasing at a shocking rate? Why do we have more drugs coming into our country and sold to our children? Why do we have so many children and families dying of Aids? Child prostitution and child trafficking? Why do we have an increase in the amount of children living on the streets? Why do we not see the numbers reducing in poverty?

Since your peice focuses on Rape, you seem to be side stepping here. Not that these things aren't important, but fight one dragon at a time.  These questions diminish the importance of the case against rape that you are trying to create, leaving readers to think, "If there are all these problems, what importance does rape have?"

You then go on to several examples of horrific rapes, none of them really having any real connection to the peice, or each other.  I'd recommend picking one particular rape story, the teenager, the 5 year old, the mother, the student...And tell about that one.  You don't want to overwhelm the reader.  You just want to make it real.

I think you have an excellent start to discussing a real issue in South Africa.  Now, you have to take the power that you have and make it mean something.  Organization and decisiveness in stories and facts, narrowing down the story to what will truly have an impact on the reader is what will make this fantastic.  Right now, it just seems a bit cluttered with every thing you want to say and every thing you've heard, but as a reader, I'm overwhelmed with too much.  If you want to have an impact, instead of too much, make it too real. Remember, quality, not quantity.

Great start,

Amber

 The situation you place the reader in leaves me personally feeling more detached through the usage of "you" than if you were to describe it from a first person point of view. When I read stories in which they order the reader to imagine what they are feeling, especially by using the phrase "imangine you are", it makes me feel like merely an observer instead of the connection you are obviously trying for the reader to get.

By using the first person point of view, the "I felt" instead of "you feel" I am able to feel more attached to the story and easier to place myself in the scenario. Merely a personal opinion though, many others feel the opposite.

On a side note, well, not really side, a majority of your article was dedicated to the discussion of the rise in crime in South Africa. But anyway, in school we spent almost an entire trimester discussing population, and I learned a lot about the problems Africa in general has. We learned about the diseases, AIDS especially, the population growth problem, the corruption inside the government and much else of what you were talking about.

What I really wanted to comment and point out to you (which I'm sure you already knew) was that most all of these problems could be drastically reduced by merely teaching women.

That's it!! By educating women, AIDS, other sexual diseases, rape cases, general crime, death rates, population growth....all of these, while won't be cured, could drastically reduced. By educating women, you force the men to see them in a new, more respectful light. Correct me if I'm wrong, after all you lived there, and I only read about it, but many of the child rapes were because of a myth that a venarial disease could be cured by intercourse with a virgin. The men who were afflicted with AIDS, herpes and other STD's believed that by having sex with a virgin, they could be cured. Instead, they severely injured or killed thousands, and afflicted mere babies with their diseases.

The women need to be educated in general, which in iteslf would make all Africa a much, much richer placeto live, but they especially need to be taught sexual education. The men need to be taught this as well, but if the women were educated in this, it could almost completely halt the spread of diseases, and slow the infant mortality rate tremendously.

When you educate the women, not only does it provide them with the tools to create a healthier lifestyle at home, but they are then encouraged to enter the workforce. You then have a new influx of scientists, politicians, workers, helpers, everything to the economy, which boosts it expponentially. Thousands more brains being sent to work on a a nation's, their nation's problem. It's all well and good when other countries help out, but if they provide support, and then suddenly back out....the country that needs help is left needing even more.

But yes, I highly enjoyed your article, but try to connect the reader to your story in the beginning with more descriptions and an first person point of view.

~Sam