Thanks for commenting on my story. I appreciate your taking a look.

Yes, I am! One thread leads to another, which leads to another and here I am. I was involved in a writing critique site 5 years ago, (based out of England) but it died as all sites do. I was thrilled to see this type of group again. I have high hopes of contributing something worthwhile.

Hey Stewart... Thanks for the comment. I was wondering what you would think if I were to just end it after "everything turns black." I know what you mean about the ending be so typical... But coming from your opinion, which I highly respect, would you think ending it after that sentence would be a good idea?

Following! You have the follow option on the FF500 but not on the bloetry. But hey, I can just hop over to read from FF500, right?
Thanks for your sites!

Stewart, I just finished my story. I really hope you like it. Please read it if you have time. Thanks for all your help!

Thanks! I will give it my best shot. I am still building up points in order to write, so hopefully soon!
nice to meet you by the way!

Thanks, man! Just trying to offer some advice where it seems some is needed. I'll have some posts of my own work up soon.

*is highly amused!* Wow, too funny!

Can't quite pair Alcuin from history with the Alcuin from the books...

Hey Stewart, I revised my story. Please let me know what you think. It's not finished, but the ending will be up soon. I'm still learning the In's and Outs of scribophile, so I'm not sure how anyone knows when I have revised my story.

Hey thanks for the info about the quote box. I totally botched that first critique becuase of it but it wont happen again!

hey, i know i'm being pokey, but i did correctly read somewhere something about you, maybe studying japanese?

Thanks for the thorough critique of Mens Sana. I strayed quite a bit from what I had originally intended, but I think now I know how to fix it. I only need to find the time.
P.S. The answer to your question regarding the letter is simple: This is another case of me not being entirely clear, as it was supposed to be an e-mail, but I have not yet figured out how to best show that.

Thanks for the welcome, Stewart! I have my husband to thank for the loooong name. Glad to be here

congratulations, stewbot!! great job!

Congratulations! Wow, that was really unexpected.

Congrats, man!

I'll try to fix that she/her issue As to why I don't write in 1st person POV, I've always been against it because using the "I" and "my" and "mine" etc. gives me the impression that it's myself I'm speaking about and not a character.

That frog has the potential to be one creepy amphibian Glad I could help a little

Thanks for the scratchpad message, Stewart. If you're at 1,000 words a day, I think that might be the problem. You're undertraining. Take it up to 2k for a week and see if your sentences toughen up a bit. That'll be good form for NaNoWriMo.

Remember: don't think -- write!

Going at too relaxed a pace for your imaginative speed might have allowed lethargy in.

(And I'm still looking forward to Part 3!)

IRC was old when I was n high school, mate (back in the late 90s). It's still going strong, but it IS old

thought you'd enjoy this strip:
http://xkcd.com/171/

It was worth mentioning!

That was some GOOD meatloaf... Ooo.

OK, I think I have it figured out. I've been "hiding" my actions just cuz I prefer seeing other people on the list... Didn't realize others wouldn't see me! :-X

I have NO idea how I went into Ninja mode! Blame the site!

Yay!

I've tweaked that one a bit. No more crying baby jesus-buddhas!

It was after 11! That's my only excuse!

hey, stewart--
thanks for your in-depth critique! i appreciate your comments--especially the pov stuff.

Callie's a teen in high school, so "omg" would be typical... but I'll take it out if the baby jesus-buddha would stop crying

Yeah, I'll be working on it some more this weekend I think. I was trying to hurry before class.... XD

I don't think so. What's a Trogdor?

Blame Laurie's post...

MINTY RIBBITS FOR ALL!

or the sea...

and thanks for your critique! i need to pay more attention to logic, i agree.

hey, stewart--
you're welcome! and thanks for the candy (for some reason, i think i'm going to associate peppermints with frogs from now on...)

You know what, nevermind. This comment may be considered spam...

Those faces didn't come out right.

V(^_^' <--- >=D

Thanks for the oh-so helpful critique on my first chapter of VE! I'll be sandpapering and snipping away.

V(^_^' <-- >

Thanks for the critique, those are all very good points, a couple of which I actually went back and forth on while writing the story. I look forward to more critiques from you.

*ribbits darkly*

Hey, Iread the Mark Haddon book you recommended, excellent story. Reminded me a bit of the SciFi short story "Flowers for Algernon" by...forget at the moment. It's a goody.

Hi Stewart! 'N thanks for the super-cool welcome to Scribophile! I am totally DIGGING IT here, and looking forward to reading LOTS 'N LOTS of great writing by the rad writers!
Thanks again for the greeting. Have a beautiful day, dude!
Candy Buddah

Btw, I've had a review open on my desktop at home on "The Annals" for the past two days now, so when I get back tonight I'll make a point to send that review.

Thanks for your quick input on Iron Arcadia! I appreciate that you took the time to see both drafts. You help confirm what I already feel--that I'm moving in the right direction with Thomas.

Also, no worries about the dig at Christianity. I'm a UU, so by all means, I'm open to how temperamental the Hebrew God got. I fully intend to explore some of those ideas later in the plot, so *I* should be the one worrying about making digs on religion. Haha. Thanks again!

It'd be hilarious if his name was also Flod

Thanks for the critique, and the email suggestion! I honestly hadn't thought of that Also, when do Ashley and I get to see Flod, Frod Lord of Darkness!?

c'mon, stewart! you could do it! you could write the bejeebus out of a horror story.

ha! um...i dunno. i'm gonna keep working on my newest story, the zombie one, and see how that goes. you?? gonna enter & blow my socks off?

I am a) very happy that you recognized the reference to Victorian novels as loose, baggy monsters; b) pleased that you enjoyed my story; c) equally pleased that you critiqued it so swiftly and so thoroughly, and d) really, really pleased that you didn't initially catch the constraint.
So thank you, thank you, thank you. ^_^

Hey Stewart,

Thanks for the review of Hero. I was afraid it might escape the queue without one. I appreciate your help.

I think you're right about the audience and you are definitely right about the rough nature of the draft. I've been forcing myself to write on a daily basis (500 words) and the results are sloppy. It also gives me little time to revise. It's a hard line to walk deciding when to write and when to revise. Anyway, thanks again.

-Ben

No, I haven't, but I'm doing a library run tomorrow, so I'll definitely pick it up if they've got it. They have some queer system of charging me for requested books, so I think, considering my unemployed state, I will have to let it wait if it isn't there though... Hmm random recommendation, the best short story I've ever read in my life is called "Until Gwen" by Dennis Lehane. I think it's in his collection of shorts called Coronado. you'd probably dig it. It's the only piece of 2nd person fiction I've ever read in which the use of 2nd person is not distracting.

It's fun for me to think about. The seven novel bit was half hyperbolic and half serious. I think you could do a lot more with that character, although I can see why anyone wouldn't want to.

Thanks. Yah I do that sometimes, thinking its going to suck then I read it over and I'm pleasantly surprised

Thank you so much!! :>

am doing with it. All I know is that I am stuck in a horrible writers block and was just trying to spit something out. I might do more with it when I have a solid idea. Thank you.

thanks for critiquing my work. I have a tendency to use odd descriptive sentences, its just who am I. As for the work I don't actually know what I

Thanks for taking the time to read and critique my poem, I really appreciated it. I'm aware of your concerns about it, I had some of them myself while or after writing it, but decided they weren't important enough to the overall effect of this poem to make me want to change the wording just to make my meter strict iambic. But I do take your comments into account and future sonnets I may write I will probably set out to more strictly follow the "rules" of traditional English sonnets. Thanks again, I'm always glad to know someone reads my work and wants to see me improve.

Spider Robinson said, "Librarians are the secret masters of the universe. They control information. Never piss one off."

Hey Stewart, I've reworked Raine's Folly chap 3 and The Maze with a lot of your suggested input, hopefully they're now better

hey, stewart--
thanks! you're right--i start out with the traces all tight, but then the trapped reindeer can drop down and walk around until santa cuts them loose. plot hole!!! thanks, buddy.

Thanks for devoting yet more of your time to helping me make things better! You've actually helped a whole lot. ^_^
Also, for the record, I don't like her (the character) either: I think she's pathetic, really. It made it tough to write.

Thanks for your critique!
Ummm, I'm going to comment with what I meant by that; if you have any suggestions on how I can make my intentions more apparent, I'd appreciate it quite a lot. Um, if not that's okay too? ^_^
Again, thanks for critiquing. You got right down to where the piece is lacking, and what I wouldn't have noticed (b/c I know what she wants, so it's clear to me ^_^).

Glad you liked it. I hope you didn't mind me stealing your idea. I figured it had been suggested...it's out...and consciousness just sounded so natural. I guess I'm just saying thanks in a roundabout sort of way...

hey, stewart--
thanks for the guffaws on my christmas story! i'm glad you liked it...and hey, lookit--you've added me to your favorites list! woohoo!!

Thanks for your comments on Karma Repairman (and Writing Life for that matter). You are right on with the accident at the end. I overplayed my Karma hand. Nicholas would need the Jaws of Life not a Locksmith. I try to bring the subtle in my revision. Your comment was of great help. Thanks.
-Ben

WHOOHOO! *waits anxiously for the Frog Lord of Darkness story*

Thank you Stewart for your critique! And please don't go easy on me linguistically I you can. My work was read by a couple of native speakers, and though I was very appreciative of their time, I was also aware that only when the helping hand stretches from above (that would be you) and not from aside, can I truly continue the Writer's uphill climb. Again, thank you!

Hahaha. Math isn't my strong suit either...I think it is a writer thing.

LOL!!!

Frog Lord of Darkness? Dare you to write something about that!

Even if that was spoken, it's still poorly done!

*staffed by undergrads

I hear you. Whenever I look at CNN.com's news articles, I'm taken aback by the lack of editing. My grad school's newspaper, too, which is mostly undergrads, is rife with mechanical mistakes.

El Thanko for the critiqueo. One thing I think I should mention, though, is that the character of Alix is a man Chapter's 1 & 2 make it more evident, though, so it is possible to mistake it for a woman.
And you're right about the making things too clear, but believe me, I'm way better than I used to be

Cool, would it be out of line to post a song as a poem? Or would that be mixing apples and oranges?

Hi my friend. I hope you don't mind if I ask you your opinion. I am mainly a musician so I've written lot's of songs through the years. Is lyric poetry? I rarely write in "hooks" so I was always accused of writing poetry, not songs.
Thanks a bunch in advance

Thank you so much for the critique. I agree with most of your suggestions. Some were the result of typos, and some the result of a lack of patience with editing on scribophile. Good catch with the Captain Flag reference. It was a little obscure, and I don't think it would even make sense by just googling it. I got the reference from reading Electric Koolaid Acid Test by Tom Wolff. Kesey and the Pranksters used to dress up in american flag jumpsuits while he was returning from his outlaw status. I will admit that I was a little high when I wrote the poem, and I'll definitely take your suggestions and questions into consideration when revising, which I will definitely do before the contest is over.

Thanks for the heads up. U think I I can remove the "september contest" tag?

I was thinking more along the lines of god(s) - Zeus is a god, Diana a goddess. *shrug*

As for God, it's the way it's taught, even in the Bible. I personally suspect He has no true sex, but is designated a male for the patriarchial societies - the Father rules all. Know what I mean?

*laughing* hadn't heard the burrito argument before.
i still don't see it--god can say he doesn't exist, but that doesn't negate his existence because he's the one saying it. unless there's a leg to this argument about god being incapable of lying? close to paradoxical, but not quite there for me.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Thankies for the critique, Stewart, you're right on the mark, I'll get to those with the next draft. Once again, el thank-o dude-o.

Phew. That Zeno stuff messes with my mind. O philosophers, why must you confuse me so? This is why I could never stand proofs! Anyways, maybe you could mention something about 'paradox' in your story?

Thanks for the critique, my friend. Yes, I usually have an issue with the English professor within me, especially when it comes to commas and "running at the mouth"...or perhaps the "pen" would be more appropriate. Thanks again.

As if English isn't complicated enough already... XD

WHOA!

That's like a totally different language! Thanks for the advice!

For Wearing the Pants, I think I'm just gonna have everyone speak Modern English - it just makes it easier for me! I had no idea people spoke differently during the different ages (don't know why). Just for now, until I get a handle on how they REALLY spoke back then...
thanks for showing me!

hey, stewart--
thanks for your comments on my story! it's funny you mention the babushka, because that was the word that got me thinking about this one.

Thanks, Stewart. I agree, it was not my best work, I literatly put up my "raw" form--which I never do--so your comments are a big help.

Thanks Stewart! I was actually thinking of dropping the old english-speak, mostly because there's no way to accurately depict that without sounding stupid.
Great critique!

I have ulterior motives I'm planning on posting my next 3-chapter work this week (plus tomorrow's FFFF, once I write it)

Stewart,

You are exceptionally bright and analytical. You must be the person everyone is afraid of when you write a critique of their work.

Unfortunately I don't have a peer group that can evaluate what I write. I rely on people like yourself to give me the slap in the head I need. So I thank you.

You were able to pick out the weak points in the piece that I could not, and the inconsistencies that I overlooked.

Thanks a TON my friend. I wasn't going to rewrite this. For you Stewart I just might make an exception.

I never claimed that I did a great job at following my own rules.
However, for all I know (and according to a pretty recently published phonetics dictionary) with is more commonly pronounced with voiceless th in the US, as is forthwith. So I'm obviously clear there.
Thanks anyway for the input.

Thanks for the Critique. I agree 'forthwith' is weak, but it was simply the best solution I found back then, and I really didn't concern myself with meter.
If you want to see them, I've included the rules I set up for myself now.

Thanks! I thought it was funny

AH-HA! Cute! Thanks for divulging your secret of the awesome name!

thanks, stewart--
i know it's got plot holes big enough to eat on, but i'd love to know what you think. (i love philip k dick!!!)

OKAY, I have to bite. WHERE did you get your awesome name from??? Flint on lau baker smith.... dang! Any significance?

Thank you so much for the critique It's exactly what I need to hear.

Hi this is Chap and I lost the first try in case half a message shows up. <grin> I'm going to have to print out what you told me because the mechanics of writing escape me. I just write so I thank you for the help. I'm not sure what to do about some of it because I really do talk like that. LOL! Even down to the "balk". My plan is to write a confusing first chapter that would draw the reader to keep reading and explain it out in subsequint chapters. I'm hoping to do that without loosing people in the first. So Thanks again, I'll be printing these out and pouring over them. BTW, I've read dome of your work even if I didn't comment, I really like it. The experimental poem that changed style every stanza (I'm a musician so that may not the the right term) was great. Hope to "talk" with you soon!

hey thanks a lot for the detailed critique of the story. Definitely very useful.

Btw, I love that you love apathy. It's so flippin' ironic. (I know that's not what you meant, but still.)

Thanks for the comment on Iron Arcadia! It's true, the fact the boy was right outside is a little off-putting. Do you think if ol' Dave jumped in an elevator to get there, it'd make more sense?

It's not rambling if it's useful and everything you said was very useful. Feel free to "ramble" all over my stories whenever you want.
-Ben

Thanks for the in depth critique of Fireborn. I hear what you're saying. One of the techniques that I was attempting was to make it sound like a nature documentary, hence all the scientific words (plus, honestly, I default to that kind of language anyway). I didn't do any research before writing, so I think that particular technique was more distancing than it was effective. Thanks for pointing it out.
-Ben

Romanian is my first language. And don't worry the crit wasn't to long at all, I gathered a lot of good info, both as a general feel and from a technical point of view

Thanks for your crit. It was most helpful

Glad you liked dead lovin'! I'm weird, I come up with questions like that.

Thanks for the welcome. I'll have to check out your web comic. Mine are at http://fellowfreaks.comicgen.com and http://strangedaysahead.comicgen.com

Thanks for the critique. You put your finger on my two biggest problems: laziness in spell checking (I really should not rely on others to spot the mistakes), and assuming the reader will somehow 'figure it out,' while I'd better spell it out. Thanks for pointing out exactly where I need to tackle it again.

You hit the nail on the head re: Recluse. It was the story that would not die. Finally I just had to stomp on it like the spider it is. I consider it an improvement though. Before Scribophile I could never get a story to start. Thanks for the crit.

-Ben

Nonsense. Old ideas are like coins. Sure, you may have a few pennies, but you never know if one of those pennies might be worth a ton of money to coin collecters. All you got to do is polish it up and show it off.

hey, just because its old doesn't mean its no good. The story I'm working on now was started up when i was in 7th grade. Oldies can still be goldies.

Thanks for your critique of MSI. It was very helpful. I especially like how you dewordified that last paragraph. Muchas Gracias.
-Ben

congratulations!

Holy cow, congrats! Get off the computer and have a bubbly for us!

big congratulations on your nuptials, stewart!

Yay! Wedding Day! Congratulations to you & your bride!
Have a wonderful stress-free day, and may your future together be full of joy and love!

Thanks for the review of Infinite Twilight. I was really stuck on how to revise the piece and I think you really found the parts that needed work. I very much appreciate it.

-Ben

eenteresting. i tried placing a few clues, but granted, i pulled it all outta my butt. (not literally. put the anti-bacterial gel down. )
thanks again!

hi, stewart--
thanks for your critique of "the whippoorwill'.
i'm glad you enjoyed it.
i admit i'm no history buff, so i'll have to do some reading on 19th century american west, accepted scientific understanding...i pretty much winged it.
thanks for taking the time to let me know your thoughts on the story. i appreciate hearing from you.

Ah...my mistake. I did enjoy his "Encomium of Helen," but I'm afraid I have not read much else of his. I will have to add your recommendation to my summer reading list.

Unfortunately, I am a fan of Plato though (as a rhetorician), regardless of the elitist, self absorbed pig that he is. I cannot defend my actions!!

Thanks for all of your critques and feedback btw.

Thanks for commenting on my story, Stewart, it's really nice to know someone enjoyed your work. To be entirely honest, it's the first short story I've ever written, and I'm terribly sensitive about it. Thank you for alleviating some of the worry!

No worries bro, I like your criticism...if everyone spelled good, no one would..I mean well not good =)

Indeed. I find Plato surprisingly witty.

that's insane, but that one caught my eye, too... might be able to overlook the grammar issues, i'd like to just read something that flows of the state i'm going for.

heard of Mellick's name before, but never looked him up until you just mentioned... I think you might be right about me enjoying him, tho- I probably need to begin reading something of his when I have a cleared space on the coffee table.
Sea of the Patchwork Cats caught my eye, but any modern suggestions on his publishings?

Thanks for your critique, I appreciated it, and like how everyone responded to the content... I've been in a rut with configuring philosophical imagery lately, so what I came up with was definitely sloppy and pseudo-intellectual... i was well-appreciative of your perspective and expanding the imagination on the light of subject.
Grazi !

Welcome to the 4F. You might want to read over the circle forum just to clarify the instructions. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Your first piece is due this Friday by Midnight (your time).

-Ben

Stewart, Thanks for the lengthy critique! You the man! The narrator (Capt. Hill) is narrating the story as a crutch. I can't write third person well, and first person lets me be a bit more casual. I plan on revising this out enough when the major plot threads are complete so that the narration either makes sense or is gone. I'll keep on working. Thanks again .

Yup! I even had a tat of her marque done on my arm. I sent it to the offical jacqueline carey website and she posted it! Whoohoo! (I had the tattooist take the pic for me, it's pretty obvious I'm still sitting in the chair). Phedre deLaunay's got balls!

Thanks for the tips.