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We've been together now for quite a while,
And here today I take you as my wife,
And vow to always go the extra mile,
Through times of harmony and times of strife,
For howsoever long may be our life;
And although I myself do not believe:
To haunt you if there is an after-life,
And you of future suitors to relieve,
By poltergeistery if this I can achieve.

My feelings true are no facsimile,
So now I will recount them if I can,
Without resorting to dull homily;
To state them clearly is my humble plan:
My heart was conquered and then overran,
By mind and heart and soul within your breast,
Of all of which and more I am a fan;
And as we rarely make each other stressed,
I think we've found a love that will withstand all tests.

When first we met your online bluster scared,
And I declined to ever ask for aught:
For fear of grammar, talk I never dared;
But then one day when I translations sought,
I found you kind, and then I feared for naught,
And as we talked, discussing sundry things,
Before we knew it, into love were brought.
We met in person; out our hearts did sing,
And now we're at the pulpit, soon to exchange rings.

And from today you're mine forever more,
To have and hold and never to let go;
To hunt you down if your vows you've forsworn,
To rend your flesh and make you anguish know,
And leave you there to rot, the world to show
What happens when a vow is not kept good.
But if, instead of this, you keep your trow,
And show me that you've done all that you could;
In short I swear to love you as a true love should.

This ring I place upon your finger now,
To stay upon it through times good and poor,
And represent my true and sincere vow,
To love and cherish you forever more.
I place this ring on one whom I adore,
To show the truth of all of the above,
To stand forever, sign of our amour,
To indicate to all my pledge of troth,
And here before you now we both do swear our love.