I like your poem, but I feel like it lacks imagery in some areas. I think vivid imagery in a poem is essential, especially with this poem. Instead of telling the reader directly what they see, try to let them paint their own picture. Maybe instead of "I do not sleep at night, I do not sleep ever," you could write about what the vampire sees at night while the rest of us sleep: "Eyes wide open for the moon to catch, it’s all I see" or something like that. Also, "I died many moons ago," is a little cliché, and I’m sure you could come up with something more dramatic.

I definitely like the end. It livened up the end of the poem, but then you read simply "The Undead," and it gives you the feeling that although time seems to move quickly for us, and to the undead, it creeps by or almost stop.

It seems like your poem also comes off as an affirmation of sorts, so I guess it depends on the point of view you directly want to write from whether you want to change it or not. I think this is a cool idea to write about, but maybe instead of looking through an almost vain vampire try taking another point of view we haven’t considered. That could be interesting.

Nice work!

 Enjoyed this write.  I do like vampire stories and this one is a good beginning.  It told the story of being a vampire in a very short concise manner.  

Lady Dragonwyck

 I like your use of words and discriptions. Very well written. Good Job.

 To me your poem lacked depth, it seemed a little stagnant and repetitive in a way, but I did like the way you used some imagery in the second stanza. All in all it was ok.

I have to agree with Victoria; a little more imagery and depth could go a long way for this piece.

I am interested in learning more about the vampire's psychology.  Does she hate having to prowl around at night?  Does she love it?  How does she feel about killing innocent people?  She seems to love it, but I'd like to see her savoring a particular victim, or something equally sadistic.  By describing the suffering of her latest victim, we could really gain insight into the vampire herself.

It might also help the poem if the "I am a vampire" line is saved for the end, if it's included at all.  Keep the reader guessing!

Also, why is "the devil" in quotation marks?  If it's not really the devil, maybe there's a different phrase you could use.

The last stanza, I think, is the one that could use the most work.  As the reader, I'd like to know that the narrator is female at the beginning of the poem (maybe mention the blood-red lipstick? I don't know...), even if the actual phrase "I am a vampire" is saved for the end (or not mentioned at all).  I didn't understand the "look at things from a different point of view" line, either.  With the line "Kiss me baby" in the stanza before, I got the impression that she's speaking to a victim.  But the "different point of view" line makes me feel like she's breaking the fourth wall.  Is this line also directed toward the narrator?  I'd think that the victim could see clearly that she's female and a vampire.

I really like the attitude of the vampire here.  I can see that she's powerful and confident.  I'd love more imagery to show that attitude of hers!

 That was very good. I like the words that you used and as I like to say it was short, sweet and to the point. I must say though that as far as describing and visualization goes, i think you missed the mark, but not by much. I think that with a little practice, you could be a great poet. A little practice goes a long way!