Nothing constructive to say, just that I liked the way it went at the end.  Nice job!

 hi, taylor!

this is just beautiful:

 Little Sarah, who knew well by now not to cross Jon when he drank, observed all of this from behind a doorway.  When he rose from his seat and swaggered into the kitchen, swaying dangerously to one side and then to the other with every step, she thought that the beer was like a gust of wind which had lifted the leaf off of the ground, only to drift back to the earth, swaying back and forth as it fell the way the dead, dried-up leaves tend to do.

            To Sarah, it was almost beautiful.

my heart gave a flutter when i read this last paragraph. gorgeous in imagery, in meaning, in poignancy. love it.

i was cruising the recent works, and just had to say something even though i had no intention when i sat down. must go sleep now. thank you for this wonderful nugget of humanity.

very nice.

I have no real problems with the last two paragraphs.  It actually ends quite beautifully, in my opinion.  And the simile mentioned by Kirsten,

she thought that the beer was like a gust of wind which had lifted the leaf off of the ground,

works perfectly fine for me, though it is a bit unusual-but not so unusual as to be a problem.  If anything, it has a sort of poetic nature to it, and it’s easy to see what you mean.  It’s easy to see in the mind, anyway, but I’m rambling and I’ll just say you should keep it.  Keep everything in the last two paragraphs.  It’s the first two where problems lie.

As mentioned before me, it makes no sense that he would be dried and tanned if he works in an office.  I like the comparison to the leaf though, so maybe switch his job to something else that would be outdoors.  Construction maybe?  Dock worker? Personally, in my mind, I see this guy as being a tough-guy, not someone who works in an office or who could even get an office job. 

Rum was his favourite but usually, for the sake of convenience, he settled for beer. 

Maybe instead of saying “for the sake of convenience,” say something about the price.  I’m not really sure why beer would be more convenient then rum besides it being cheaper and it makes more sense to just say it’s cheaper than to say “for the sake of convenience.” 

and his bones and veins were visible in his hands and legs, respectively.

I know what you are trying to say, comparing him to the “veins” you can see in leaves, but it’s worded kind of strange.  You might need to make the comparison a bit more direct, because the “respectively” doesn’t really give the sentence much visual punch. 

Last point, his name, or rather his last name.  Brown is a fine last name, but it muddles with the comparisons-color of the liquor, the brown leaf, his brown skin.  If you get what I mean anyway, it feels like a…stretch, I guess, to make his last name “Brown” too. 

Over all though, I see some nice potential in this piece of flash fiction.  If you can fix the first part to have as much impact as the last, this’ll be really awesome.  Best of luck, peace.

similes do have their place.

Okay, I get the idea that you're describing a basically functioning alcoholic, but I just don't buy this John Brown character yet.

Nothing was more relaxing for Jonathan Brown after a big race or a long day at the office than some good hard liquor.

I read this as him denying that he has a problem, phrasing it in socially acceptable language.  There are alcoholics who do that, but to me it would just seem a little more interesting, and would give the character more conflict, if he were honest about the drinking problem, but still continued regardless. 

Rum was his favourite but usually, for the sake of convenience, he settled for beer.

I know this reasoning has been called into question, but maybe it would make more sense if it had a little more context.  For instance, maybe you could take us briefly into the liquor store with him, just for a flash of a second is enough.

Either way, the feeling of deflation was there, and that was the important part; Jon didn’t generally win his races, and he wasn’t the most popular guy at the office, so he appreciated the way the drink let him relax and even did his thinking for him so he wouldn’t have to worry about it.

Okay, this is expository to the character, but it is not a very good trick to get us to relate to a character.  It practically shouts, Hey, I'm not a perfect character; here's a list of my imperfections.  Also, I don't really know how well deflation works here.  I mean, physically, i don't think deflation works so well.  If you meant it some other way, maybe you could just clarify.  I also feel more like you're talking about weed than alcohol through the whole first half.

That relaxed deflation Jon experienced was most often visible as he sank into his chair, and it left him looking more like a flattened leaf than a human being.

Again, I feel like you're talking about weed, but I'll take alcohol too.  I really enjoy the metaphor, but I feel like the lead in here is forced.  I just can't get the image of a drunk man who looks like a leaf to mesh in my head.  Maybe just work on either a better image, or a clearer reason for the current image of the leaf.

Those were the only parts i really had suggestions for.  the rest of it is beautiful and I dig it.

I was kind of digging for something to critique.  This piece is strong as is.  Nonetheless, I was honestly down on rum from the start.

As soon as I read the first two sentences, I thought rum might not be the best drink of choice for Jon Brown. It ought to be some form of brown liquor.  Brown liquor, such as whiskey, works as an image because it is aged, giving it a sense of history and rot, it is also stored in wooden barrel, which would parallel the strong leaf imagery elsewhere in the piece.  Also, since the character is named brown, having him forgo brown liquor, would make the beer drinking seem further like something not truly himself.  Beer is already his second choice, so why not make it more painful.  Plus I think public perception of rum is that is that it’s a lot classier than whiskey, and making Jon a grittier character, in my opinion, would be good.  Although, he is already intriguing. 
 

Hi. I am not trying to be nice. Know that.

"Rum was his favourite but usually, for the sake of convenience, he settled for beer"

Only someone who doesn't care about what goes in her mouth could write that line, then read it and keep it in the story. Bee and wine are too different. make a close choice. Like Ale or beer. Guinness or budweiser. Good luck. You havea lot of potential. Keep working at ti.

You will do great things.

Listen to your heart. and your head. And always use this line, it will serve you well:

FUCK THE BOZOS

My name is runningsammy and i support this message.

This piece is interesting. It's more of a character study than anything. And I consider it "Kafkaesque," not because it's surreal, but because it has an ambiguous tone (in other words, it can be interpreted in more than one way). The metaphor you used to connect John with an autumn leaf was ambiguous, but it is relevant to the story, and I think you nailed it beautifully. I interpreted the beer as John's soul, because you seem to make a strong connection between the two, as if they're one (which they are, because alcoholism is a disease). I give this piece a 4/5. You could have added more (like emphasis on Little Sarah --- why's she called 'little?'. Other than that, I intend to read more of your work, and you did a great job. Superb