Cool idea for a story.  First things first in my reviews - the rip apart.  But I wanted to say first that you have a cool idea for a story.  I only have a few things that I am confused about, first of which is how did Nevelyn get that story about the girl getting snatched by that handsome guy?  Was there a witness to that event?  Right now its like she just found out her information from thin air.  

I didn't get this part:

My lips curled and I shot my teddy bear with my fingers.

Maybe describe this more  - shot what? a bullet from her fingers?  A ray of light?  And why did she do this? does she have a random dislike for teddy bears?  

I loved the Spongebob remark and that remark about Librarians....

 Many creatures of Rem live on Earth now (aka the Brain? Why is it called that?) because Rem is crowded - but is that the only reason?  Do they have Rem like cities of their own on Earth or do they just mingle with humans?  

And why do many Rem creatures hate Nevelyn?  It's not like her job is hurting them.  

Oh, and does Nevelyn have a title to her profession or is she the only one who does this?

Oh and this Gretch guy - at first it seemed like they were just partners/ friends - are they really together or is he actually kissing her for the first time?  Either way, he sounds hot. 

I may be sort of a crazy reviewer, but those are my thoughts.  Oh and the thing I will always end a review with: Write more!

"She looks down at her perfect white shoes and knows that that’s a privilege."

In this line you can get rid of the that's and just put "knows it's a privilege."

She would like to say that her shoes aren’t really new anymore because she got them two Easters ago, but she knew that a painful smack would be given to her after the smart-ass remark. She sighed and went back to brushing her hair.

I love this characterization, but I have a few questions. Is an adorable little girl going to think in time as "two easter's ago"? sounds more like a fancy way of saying two years, and I really can't imagine it fits her. But I like that she shows her stubborn streak here.

The split between the girl's encounter and the main character could be really easily fixed. I think the beginning description of Rem and all is very long, very "telling" and not showing. Here is my suggestion:

Give a very descriptive account of the girl's kidnapping. We, the reader's, will become emotionally invested in her and want to know where she ended up.

Then, use a little magic to explain why Nev knows all of the details. What better way, than to describe it as a dream that Nev is having?

Something like, "Nev woke up from her cat nap, the paper's of her research on the missing human's sticking to her face. Was it all a dream, or did that really happen? She was, afterall, a magical creature from the world of Rem, etc etc.

I think you need to get rid of the journal entry type of explanation. You don't need to explain every little characteristic of human and fairy relationships in the first page! Save some of those whimsical tidbits, such as gypsies, Randy Moss, to use in a different chapter. Spread the humor around.

All we care about in the beginning are these types of things:

First, the conflict. The conflict is that there is a kidnapper, who kidnaps adorable children. If you get us invested in that conflict in the beginning chapter, we will be more likely to read the rest of the story.

Second, the main character. I felt the main character wasn't very well characterized in this peice, and I will point out some of those areas later in my critique.

I finished this entry into my journal and twirled my blonde hair around my finger. I sighed; it’s feels as though there’s no hope.

This is the sentence you used to break away from the journal entry. I was so confused about there being a journal entry AFTER a already strange perspective from the child that I was very lost.

  I finished this entry into my journal and twirled my blonde hair around my finger. I sighed; it’s feels as though there’s no hope. My parents disapprove of my occupation and it seems like I’m going nowhere. Because what I do, most of the creatures of Rem hate me.

This seems strange. You'd think fairies, being all magical, wouldn't need occupations. And parents? Does it ever matter what parent's think? Only when it is needed in the plot. Again, this is a little tid bit you could put in a later chapter, during an actual encounter with the parents.

This was touched on before, "Because of what I do" first, is rather general. And it makes no sense that creatures of Rem would hate her for saving kidnapped victims. Then, apparently her job is more than just about kidnapper's. I would elaborate some of the things she enforces, such as disguises, mischeif, etc. Like, "In Nev's job, it was quite common she would have to cover up the mischief of the creatures of Rem. For the last week, she had been tracking down a fairy who visited laundromats and dyed all the clothes pink" or some such thing. That way, we get more characterization of Nev, and what she does, and why its important.

I rubbed my eyes and scratched my head. I’ve looked over all the witness accounts and no special characteristics came up except one, the one with the little girl and the cherry tree. The creature’s eyes turned red. I know there’s a lot of human stories with monster with red eyes, but there’s no red-eyed creatures in Rem.  Also, why would he show her his true self?

This paragraph puzzled me, because Nev was not there, so how would she have known the color of his eyes? Making the beginning story a dream sequence inspired by her research would solve this, as you could write, "If the dream was true, the creature had red eyes. But there are no red-eyed...etc"

    “Yeah, baby” I said. My lip curled and I shot my teddy bear with my fingers. I shook my head and walked into the kitchen to eat some cheerios.

This has already been touched on. I did not understand the reference either. I would love to see if you can make it more apparent, because I love the idea of our fairy friend being a bundle of silly human traits like that.

   “Hello Gretch,” I said smiling at him. He grimaced. The fat tubby human he once looked like morphed into a tall dark haired faery.

Can we please please please have more description of his transformation? Magic is fun! Detail is fun! I love the idea of him being a fat tubby human, but can we get more description of his disguise than that? I am assuming later in the story when he is not alone with fairies he will be in that form again.

He had dark brown eyes and chiseled features. He was extremely handsome, like most faeries. His dark brown fell in strands over his puppy dog eyes.  He was my partner against crime. He didn’t like it too much because he hates humans. But he gets good money, more than me, which gets me pretty angry.

Ok, he's hot. I don't have a problem with that, just included those sentences for reference. "He was my partner against crime." is really cliche, which works for Nev, but we need more description, like, "He'd been my partner against crime for x years, or We'd been assigned partners in crime on the kidnapping case. Are they always partners? Do they like each other as friends? And who pays them? There has to be a ridiculously named fairy bureau you haven't told us about...

    I’m not sure, but I’m assuming in faery culture, that the more beautiful they are the more ugly name they get. He rolled his eyes.

Is Nev so out of tune with her own kind that she doesn't know this detail for sure? Why can't it simply be: "I never understood why in fairy culture, the more beautiful the creature, the uglier their name is."

    He patted my back, playing along with my act.

    “It’s okay, I came here for a real reason, but more just to see you.” He pulled my chin up his face and he looked into my eyes. He kissed me. I guess he wasn’t just playing along… 

Well, I love that you have another plot line to focus on, but since you started with the kidnapping, I would investigate and strengthen that plot before you start throwing kisses everywhere. Sounds interesting though. And I keep pretending he is a fat, tubby man. Thank goodness he got out of that costume quick before he kissed her!

All in all, I love the creativity in this piece. I am looking forward to all the fun you have with it, so please write more!!!! I would suggest not touching this chapter editing wise until you have gotten more of the story under your belt and can decide better what to change. That, and I want to read more! So get writing! Please?

 This story was indeed good but however, in the first paragraph of The Cherry Tree Chapter 1, you switch tenses from past to present tense. In most stories, you would write things in past tense. Here is how you wrote it:

Pink cherry blossom petals gracefully flutter to the ground. A little girl stares at this beauty through a window. She’s desperately longing to be out there in the sun with the summer breeze blowing through her dress. She looks down at her perfect white shoes and knows that that’s a privilege. ‘You’ll get your new shoes dirty!’ her mother would yell. She would like to say that her shoes aren’t really new anymore because she got them two Easters ago, but she knew that a painful smack would be given to her after the smart-ass remark. She sighed and went back to brushing her hair.

 

Here is how you should write it:

Pink cherry blossom petals gracefully fluttered to the ground. A little girl stared at this beauty through a window. She  desperately longed to be out there in the sun with the summer breeze blowing through her dress. She looked down at her perfect white shoes and knows that that's a privilege.

"You'll get your new shoes dirty!" her mother yelled. She would like to say that her shoes aren't really knew anymore because she got them two Easters ago, but she knew that a painful smack would be  given to her after her remark. She sighed and went back to brushing her hair.

If you write it like it is in the bold print, then that will clear up the confusion that readers may get when they see that everything in this first paragraph is all in past tense instead of switching from past to present tense.