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All Critiques and Comments
Showing 26 of 28 critiques and comments.
On Afterwards, Chapter 1, by Taren Gwyddfid: There is an abundance of run-on sentences that really need
to be worked on. For example,
He's not normally a ... » Read more...
On Fiat Voluntas Dei, by C. Nickolas Carlson: Welcome to 'phile, Nickolas. You have a good start here, I
think.
The trim, bright and bold, was set against a blin... » Read more...
On J.J.J.S., by Stewart Flintonlaubakersmith: Jenna's character is very believable. Having worked retail
myself in the past, I can totally believe her interactio... » Read more...
On The Liquid So Formed, by Laurie Paulsen: This was a great work. You tell it extremely well, you
make me feel as though I'm actually there, experiencing the
... » Read more...
On Recluse, by Ben Jacobson: Wonderful piece, a real Alien-esq feel to it. I love it, I
hope you write more pieces like this Ben. You use appr... » Read more...
On Vanishing, by Circus: The main thing that needs work in this piece is that the
paragraphs are exceedingly long. They need to be broken down
i... » Read more...
On Afterwards, Chapter 0: prelude, by Taren Gwyddfid: There's not much to work with (quantity wise), but the main
things I see that need work is grammar errors and sentence
st... » Read more...
On 7361, 5 Corners Road, by Taren Gwyddfid: Opening Comments
This was a great piece, I really enjoyed it. I look
forward to more stories like this.
Plot
It was ... » Read more...
On Do Unto Others, by Stewart Flintonlaubakersmith: Opening Comments
This is the first time I'm NOT free-forming, so you get to be my
experiment. I know, you're s... » Read more...
On Justinia, Chapter 3: Raine & Olin, by The Geek: I do hit the space bar twice. It's when I copy/paste from
Word to 'phile's submission box that the spaces d... » Read more...
On Disc Love, by Emma Larkins: I'm not much for sports, but this is an intriguing story.
It really captivated me. It has an instant hook, th... » Read more...
On Yellow Bird, Chapter 1: Strange Fruit, by Rue: The biggest problem I see is too much detail. You flood the
reader with redundant descriptions and way more information ... » Read more...
On Dark Legacy, Chapter 3: Awakening, by Joseph Nagy: Many of the same things I said in the previous two chapters are
present, so I won't waste your time by repeating them in
... » Read more...
On How to Destroy a Microwave, by Phedre: Having met Jess briefly, I completely believe this.
Now, on to the critique.
I realize this is a retelling of a r... » Read more...
On Dark Legacy, Chapter 2: Forkroad of Fate, by Joseph Nagy: At first, I was going to shrug her off like I did every
morning when she woke me up for school, but there was unnatural
urgen... » Read more...
On Dark Legacy, Chapter 1: Introduction, by Joseph Nagy: Try to avoid really long run on sentences, such as,
But there will always be that one day where that one
thing happens that j... » Read more...
On Nova, by Kate Stowman: Kate, first off, the reason why Nova's thoughts aren't in
italics is because you're not a pro member. Forma... » Read more...
On My Galactic Messiah, by Ben Jacobson: Ben, this is hilarious. You did a great job at this, and I
think you'll be great writing more humor like this.
One ... » Read more...
On Automated Systems, Inc, by Laurie Paulsen: I tried to write a critique before, but somehow it didn't
let me. I think it posted blank, so you may want to ... » Read more...
On The Malaki Spindle Infinitology, Chapter 1: The Art of Invisibility, by Ben Jacobson: An interesting story to begin with, but it has a lot of
overload of information. You tell the story, but you don&... » Read more...
On Facsimile, by Natalie Addison: I enjoyed the plot, quite interesting, certainly has some
promise. I have some tips, however.
One is that you keep... » Read more...
On The Song of Aedmon Lost, Chapter 1: A Calling in Eaton: a prologue, by Joshua Allen Tompkins: There are some grammatical mistypes, such as using a period and
comma in the wrong place. It's nothing bad, just so... » Read more...
On untitled, by Phedre: Very good style, and very visually enticing. I
haven't read much tanka poetry and I'm very satisfied with... » Read more...
On Shame, by Phedre: I like that it's free-verse and not standard rhyme.
Rhymes sound good overall, but it can be much harder to f... » Read more...
On Infinite Twilight, by Ben Jacobson: First, I'd like
to say that I enjoyed the story very much.
It was very different from
the other Vamp stories that I'v... » Read more...