Tom,
Thank you for the careful and thorough review. My brain is fried tonight, but when I have a chance to revise this piece, your comments will be helpful.

Many thanks,

SE

Fascinating idea. I will indeed try that - reading it out loud with that paragraph as the opener. I am going to decline the idea of opening every chapter with a dream sequence only because I want the dreams to be unexpected throughout. But your input on this chapter is very helpful.
Thanks again!

Thanks, Tom. Anyone with so much quality review skills is someone I admire! I haven't read any of your work yet because I've been offline, spending far too much time on Authonomy.com but I hope to get back here soon. I am not a paying member here, so I can only post 2 pieces at a time. I'll post the next couple as soon as I build up some Karma!

Wow. Tremendous critique. I always have a problem with passive/active, and I think my thoughts here were passive because the situation is almost dream-like in Andrew's mind, since he's in shock. But I know exactly what you're saying and will definitely re-look it.
Thanks a ton
Genevieve

Thank you for your wonderful critique, Tom! And thanks for pointing out my tenses, etc. I will fix them. You have no idea how much your review encourages me. Will check out your posts. Do you fix Rolexes, too! Just joking.
You and the Mrs. have a great day.

Bunni J.

Thanks Tom for a very good and insightful critique of my latest little effort. I am having a bit of trouble now, because whichever direction I am going to choose from here it seems to end up well outside the 30,000 word novella I had planned.
For the moment I will just keep on writing and sort it out later, whatever the outcome.
Thanks again for spending o much time and effort on my scribblings.
Hans

Good morning, Tom. Thank you for your notes on Honzinger. I'll post Chapter 2 soon. See if that handles your reservations about the need for tension in Chapter 1.

Not too smart today. I tried to put a photo in my story like you do, and failed miserably! How do you do that?

Tom,

Hiya, I hope it was somewhat helpful. I really thought your style was good. I've seen auto-biographical essays published like that but I don't think I know of fiction published like that. Do you know what magazines buy slice of life?

I still hope that you would nail the desire, the person that changed still seems to be the husband. I understand the road not taken, one of my favorite poems but for a long piece I wanted to know why the road made all the difference.

I've considered doing that (the date listing), but part of me wants the reader to draw their own conclusion. The other part worries about being too vague. Anyways, I thought the last sentence of that first paragraph set off the "memory" factory...I'm pretty sure i include the word in there. Anyways, insightful advice, I'll probably come knocking on your door in the future