Thanks for critiquing! It's definitely hugely flawed as a shorter piece, and thanks for pointing out what needs to be answered to make it coherent.
Um, as to her reaction: I was uncertain about how to approach that, too, and then I decided to try a Gabriel Garcia Marquez type approach and have her take it mostly in stride. Thanks for pointing out the ramifications that has on the world in general.
Again, thanks for your critique! I'm definitely considering reworking it into the past tense. ^_^

Hello Torq,

Are you ready to get back in it with the FFF. I've made some changes to make it more rigorous. Check out my forum post to find out about it. I'd love to have you back.

-Ben

P.S. Thanks again for the June Challenge.

Hey!
Thanks for your Critique. I really agree with most of what you said, it just took someone elses eyes to see the story without the haze of authorship. thank you!

ha! you have a point. and you did a great job!

hey, torq!
thanks for your comments on my 'base experiments' story--i agree, this story needs more meat to it. writing a complete story in 1000 words is tough! arrgh!

Congrats on becoming an honorable mention!

hey, torq--
congratulations on your win, dude!!
great job!! i'm happy for you.

hey remember me? thnx for the info on writing if u want to read my first two chapters of my book, Destiny, then ure welcome to, its my first uploads so if u have any tips, i would appreciate them...

Hello Tor,
Just read one of your stories. I'm hoping to critique it soon. Meanwhile (love that comic book word) were making some changes to the FFF come check it out.
-Ben

Another well thought out plot line!

Hello, Torquil! Wanna read My Boyfriend's A Vanpire. Just click my name, scroll down to latest works from my profile and you should see it! I hope that you enjoy it! Contact me on my scratchpad if you wanna read another work of mine. I hope that you enjoy my stories and become a fan of me! Take care!

hi, tor--
thank you for the lovely gift! what a nice surprise.
you're certainly welcome for the critique--your story was a pleasure to read.

Thanks so much! I appreciate the message and the gift...love peppermints! However, I look at critiques like something that must be done unpleasant or not. I hate criticism, but to be in the writing business is asking for someone to tell you how much they dislike or like your stuff. NO point in critiquing if you can't be honest!

Hey there! Thanks for the thoughtful input on my poem Cheers!

Hello, Torquil! Wanna read a work of mine? Just click my name, scroll down to my recently published works and you shall see Heart of Ice. Read it and comment! tell me on my scratchpad if you liked it and you want to read more!

Also I was glad to see that by the time I got there, someone else was speaking up too =P I hate having to confront people alone, so good on you

My guess is that he was posting long amounts of the same thing to get his karma up to post his works. I checked some of his earlier critiques and saw that he made obvious attempts to lengthen them unnecessarily

Very good! Thank you! My son thanks you....lol

Yes! Exactly...I have many others just as heavy I just want to be able to show him how they would normally be wielded....
Thanx...

Hello,
I took the liberty of reading your profile...I collect swords and daggers as a hobby ( my bedroom is wall to wall) so my question is, is there a way to wield say the sword of darkness? The sword is heavy, at least it is for me, I just want to be able to teach my youngest son... let me know...
Regards,

Thanks for the critique! =)

Thanks a bunch for your critique. I didn't write that for any other reason, than to post here I suppose. What you said about show don't tell, I just read about that a few weeks ago. I just need to put that advice I read in a book & here, into action. Thanks again!

thank you so much for the feedback! yes, Ariza is one of the "gifted" children that they were talking about in the beginning. i can see how the world situation is a little confusing; what are your suggestions on how i can improve it?

Hello Torquil- i am making a note to read and critique it asap! would you please please please take the time to read and give feedback on my work: Island Conspiracy (prologue and Chapters 1+2)
asap as i am publishing very soon! thanks!
~Fainne

Hello,

Just dropped by to say hi and to mention that my e-mail says that you critiqued by story "Untitled" but it didn't show up on the site. This is probably due to those problems yesterday. If you still have the inclination I would love to hear what you have to say about it.

Incidentally, welcome to the FFF! I can't wait to read your first entry.

One more thing, your Thor avatar inspired me to choose my own comic book alter-ego as an avatar. Thanks for that.

-Ben

Thank you for your comments on "Stones in Eleusis"! They were helpful, and I think you made some good points. The heavy description is something I've been working on getting over (with very slow success), and I will definitely take your suggestion of ditching the passive voice in mind, since I, too, think it made the piece weaker on the whole. However, your comment on the plot sort of threw me for a loop. I've read a lot about Persephone and Demeter (it's my favorite myth), and almost every variation of the story involved Zeus trading Persephone to Hades as part of a deal to repay a debt. I guess it depends on which version you read and which one sticks most in your mind, but the one I was reading when I was struck with the idea (In "Mythology" by Edith Hamilton) involved Zeus, I seem to recall, and so I included him. Thank you again for your criticism! I'm sorry if this turned into a ramble. Your critique was well worded, and I'm excited to see what work you have to share here on Scribophile!