Wow, very nice. The mood you set is great and obviously dramatic. Everything flowed very smoothly and was adequately  described... as long as you are going to write more of this story which I hope you do because I was drawn into it from the first couple of sentences.

Hi,

You have an interesting start to a fantasy novel. It functions much like a prologue should - it offers hints of other major characters, introduces us to potential plot conflicts and, most importantly, draws the reader in and entices him into reading the next chapter.

I like the way this story flows; the voice of your narrator is tumultuous yet is easy to understand. I like the fact that it is written in first-person. I find that first-person fantasy novels are usually easier to follow and I personally can relate better.

This entire prologue is filled with what seems to be a whole lot of angst. Because of this, I am tempted to place your narrator in the upper-teen category and thus place this novel in the YA audience category. Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

Now, I'm going to move into the nitpicky portion of the critique - my suggestions. Feel free to consider them as you wish - I'm not the perfect writer, and some of my comments might not make sense to you in the context of your writing.

First, I'll comment on one small grammatical error I found.

 

“Landon Beckett.” a A smooth voice slithered to my ears.

You're missing some punctuation and formatting here. This'll make it grammatically correct.

Other than this one spot, your grammar was very good. So since I don't have to waste my time telling you the difference between your/you're, I can move on to another trend I noticed in your writing - wordiness.

In order to keep from overwhelming you with examples, I'll just stick to choosing one from each paragraph.

My mind could not find a way to wrap itself around the concept knowing that there was a great possibility of our loss that we would not win.

I'm not saying you absolutely must condense everything down to its barest form. Just consider that wordy prose makes boring prose. No one likes to read equivocation, and if you can say something in four words instead of five, why shouldn't you?

The rain came down on battered me, hard and chilling.

This is an example of word choice wordiness. When does rain do anything else other than "come down"? If you're bothering to describe it, why not use one concise word that will bring an image to the reader's mind? My example was "battered".

Death, especially your own, isn’t really a good topic to touch up on, especially if you talk about yours. Therefore, I had never really thought about my death. Never even allowed one thought to come up about the dreaded subject. Who in this insatiable world would actually think up of such a thing?

Personally, I thought that last rhetorical question was a bit silly. People think about death all the time. I underlined "really" because of its repetitive use. This passage in general was really wordy and repetitive. I feel making it short and condensed would hit the point better. Just remember that the more you use a certain rhetorical strategy (i.e. repetition), the less of an impact it has. It's the same thing as cursing - the more you curse, the less the word really means. But the moment you hear someone who never curses yell a four-letter word, it has a big impact because that person usually refrains. Does that make sense?

If that key never existed, Luke and Antoine would have never been after me, not be trying to kill me.

Unnecessary information. If Luke and Antoine are trying to kill the narrator, we can surmise that they are then also after him.

I would’ve never met my the friends, the ones that had helped me and come with me this far. The ones that were currently fighting behind me with all their might. I would’ve never met Clia, the girl I seemed to have had fallen for.

Don't reiterate unless absolutely necessary. I didn't mark out the repetition in the first two sentences because I think that having once or twice is alright. For me, the fact that the second sentence is really a phrase kind of bothered me, but it could be because I'm a grammar nut. What bugged me was the "seemed to have". That's unnecessary wordiness. You either have fallen for someone or you haven't.

Just thinking about those last few thoughts made me angry.

Never would have guessed that you just were thinking thoughts. Not only is it unnecessary, but it sounds childish and silly.

I would not let him get away with it. I would not let him laugh in my face about it.

I would have been okay with this - but in the previous paragraph, you ended it the exactly same way.

It could not end like this. It would not end like this.

Because of the repetition, the narrator's conviction just sounds cheesy and overused. So here's my suggestion - choose to do it once, and once only. The more you reuse rhetorical devices, the less creative you seem.

I felt a wicked grin tightened up my face.

"I felt" is just unnecessary.

Hey, this was a pretty in-depth and harsh review. Just remember that my views are definitely not final. I'm here because I want to help. Feel free to reply if I didn't make something clear.

Hugs,

Natalie

 I love the tension in your prologue.  It makes me want to know what happens next.

I think you can tighten the manuscript a little and heighten the tension even more by using the key as the thread that bit by bit makes your reader have to know the significance of the key to the main character, to Luke and Antoine, and to the story. 

I would like to see you begin with Landon Beckett a smooth voice slithered to my ears (maybe slithered to the pit of the speaker's stomach like an icy fist?)

Then I would like to see you pick up with the last  two sentences of paragraph 2: I remained standing in the now muddy sand, my hand squeezing angrily at the key in my fist.  Right there, the reader thinks maybe the speaker is in Iraq, maybe on a California beach, maybe a Caribbean island - creating questions is a good way to engage your readers.

Then, I would follow the key through your manuscript:  Now that I come to think of it, none of this would've actually happened if that wretched key had never existed.  This insignificant key seemed to stir everyone's interest and create a type of greed in people that drove them toward a horrible madness.  If that key had never existed Luke and Antoine would have never been after me trying to kill me.  I wouldnever have been in the situation I find myslf in now, and I wouldn't feel the pain I feel now.  If the key had never existed, I would never have found out about myself - what I am and what I have.  I would never have met my friends, the ones who were fighting behind me with all their might.  And I would never have fallen for Clia. (This would be a good place to expand on how the speaker feels about Clia - fell for her how?)

The next paragraph is great.  I would trim a few words for pacing - the concept and phrasing are good.  Maybe like this:  Just thinking those thoughts made me angry.  How could it end like this? Would we just give up after all the crap we've been through? No! It could not end like this - It would not end like this.

 

I would keep the call out and the next two sentences of paragraph eight.  I would edit the next sentence to read:  This was his fault.  He was at the core of my pain and suffering, and I would not let him get away with laughing in my face.

 

I would keep the rest of the call out and  edit the rest to read:  I took a deap breath and turned, then with a surprisingly calm stride I advanced on the beginning of my torture with that reassuring key in my hand - the key I would regret for the rest of my life, that seems to be the only way out.

 

A wicked grin creased my face - let the games begin

 

And now, I would love to know what happens next.