has it been 4 months yet?

apparently i come to check on you every 4 months...

what are you doing?0

Your welcome. I'd keep the articles short--maybe just excerpts so they don't slow your narrative down. But you know that already!

what's your sci-fi story about? need any help getting past the plot hole? i'm quite the thinker

you are my hero, vrab.

V.
I would be honored if you immortalized Luigi by naming a character after him. All the Luigi's I have known were short, gentle, souls.
But who's to say a large mafia button man without a soul couldn't be Luigi Badmano?
Thanks for the welcome note.

Thanks for the crit, Mr V. Nice catch on the POV slip!

Thanks for the crit on a Hog Story. This really happened to my dad, and originally the language was just as he tells it. This story was published in a print magazine and they wanted me to tone it down a bit. I'm working on getting it back where I want it. Great suggestions. Thanks!

I see you have a second draft of chapter one of Santiago Bay. Do you want me to look at it again? Some folks just want fresh eyes, so I thought I'd ask.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful review of Sons of Obsidian, Chapter Two. I appreciate the good advice--and yes, I'm going back to eradicate some of those dialogue tags

Glad I could help. Anything for a fellow Texan!

I've lived in Texas most of my life. Tyler, El Paso, Dallas, and now I live in Corpus Christi. Yes, the people are great here, always willing to pitch in and help. I'm spoiled. I went to California on a trip and couldn't believe how rude the people were. Anytime someone was nice to us, we'd ask where they were from, and without exception they were either from Louisiana or Texas!

Thanks for reading my micro piece. You make some good suggestions. Glad you liked it. Thanks!

Thanks, Fred!

The mindfuck aspect is pretty much all I was going for, really. That and I was playing around with the idea of the unreliable narrator, but nobody seems to be picking up on the fact that a man who talks about plates turning into jellyfish is obviously crazy and shouldn't be trusted

Thanks for reading a chapter of A Chest of Drawers. It takes place in 1965. Ellie's mother dies of cancer, leaving her to live with her aunt. Jack, who she hasn't see in years, shows up to claim her. She has a lot of hatred toward Jack for leaving her mother. She wants to find "normal." She wants to love her father. Once she's on the road with him, she finds out not only is he homeless, but he's running from the law. Thanks for the great suggestions!

Your ass! I sue your donkey!

Thanks! Those are all good points. I thought the piece was a little flat myself, and I think you put your fingers on the problem spots.

If your writing is anywhere near as witty as your forum comments, count me a fan

Thank-you for your suggestions. I have heard a lot of the same things form others and after rereading, I agree. I just wasn't seeing the mistakes anymore. I'm working on the rewrite now.

Thank you for your review of 'Sons of Obsidian.' I'm taking quite a few of your suggestions. (Damien was indeed smiling too much, for instance!)

It does need more scent-imagery too--but, um, I don't have a sense of smell, per se (a handicap I've passed on to one of my characters, lol.) So writing about smells is not easy for me! I might make something up, though, and see if I can pass it off

Err, I'm assuming I'm supposed to answer questions posed on my scratchpad on my scratchpad, and not on the scratchpad of the person posing the question.

I'm working on something that'll take me another month or so to get to a submittable state. Until then, I'll just be critting and posting on the forums. You'll just have to wait there, breathless in anticipation until then.

Speaking of sloth, do we get to see some of your work soon? You have enough karma and everything!

Yup, those are mine. 2 out of 3

First I want to say I love your pic above. Are those yours? I'm a dog-lover too. Next, thanks for the crit on my flash piece. It was difficult for me to work with a 150 wd count limit. But I think it stretched my creative muscles. You made some great points. I appreciate your time. Thanks again!

Thanks for the critique. I'm basicalliy about to say the same thing shannon said below, so i'll just say ditto. I'm already working on my revised version and i have changed some things. the tenses were a problem for me, but it just seemed to flow really weird with sticking to just past, present or future; due mostly to the fact that the main char. skips around. I was hoping it wasn't too distracting, but it looks like it was. i'll see what i can do

Thanks so much for your critique. I like knowing what the reader sees when they read because I know what I see, and sometimes don't exactly make it so the reader sees it. I'll make sure to work on the things you pointed out when I work on my second draft. Thanks again!

Hi, welcome to the site!