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What Type Of McWriter Are You?

Jane Rutherford
by Jane Rutherford

A burger EXPLOSION!!!

  • Glitter McPink: Loves unicorns and rainbows. Wants to save Christmas and puppies. Writes about young clumsy girls falling in love with boys and saving villages with the power of love. Novels by this writer often carry a warning of extreme fluff, sugar overload, sunshine and daisies. No characters die in the story, and there’s no inner conflict beyond “I love him, I want to be with him… Oh, but I can’t.” The villains are usually the popular mean girls.

  • Plotter McPerfect: After finishing the story, Plotter McPerfect rewrites it at least twice, the second time being a complete rewrite of the original. By the third rewrite he or she will undo half of the changes made during previous edits. Every plot twist, wardrobe change and scene has to be accounted for. The story will not be published until the writer is satisfied with it, which, most of the time, means never.

  • Original McFanfic: Often bases their characters and/or plot ideas on popular books, movies, or TV shows. Changes names and places, but keeps the characteristics and twists. There are two subcategories of Original McFanfics: the Good and the Bad. The Good is perfectly capable of writing good original (fan)fiction, and The Bad shall not be mentioned.

  • Super McSpecial: Somebody in the story is special and has some sort of superpower. Stories by Super usually resolve around saving the world without wearing a spandex costume. The author often tries to prove that they’re equally McSpecial by making fun of the superhero genre and pretending like they don’t want to be a part of it.

  • Para McNormal: Writes about vampires, werewolves, or both (often using the war between the races as a background for the plot). Uses magic, ancient texts and Buffy references. McNormals have their own lore connected to their universe, making the monsters easier or harder to kill (depending on which side the author is on). Every story has to have a supernatural twist that sometimes serves as an explanation for all the bad things that happen in the story.

  • Family McSerial: In the first story, the author does the best to establish the universe and the characters. After writing a (semi) popular story, McSerial usually decides to write a sequel. The next story concentrates on a brother, sister, cousin, best friend or a butler of the characters from the first book. Usually, by the end of book A you can tell who will be the protagonist of book B, and then book C and book D…

  • Dark McTwisted: A complete opposite of Glitter McPink. Writes dark, twisted stories. The characters are tormented, have dark secrets, and hide dark pasts. Sometimes McTwisted writes about serial killers and depressed housewives contemplating murder. Happy endings are non-existent or at best a necessary evil. There is death, mayhem, tears, and blood. McTwisted isn’t afraid to write about taboos and put the characters through hell. If their stories are read by shrinks, they might need to go into hiding or face possibility of clinical treatment.

  • Secret McPerv: Everything is about sex. Every dialogue has innuendo. Every action has a subtext. Depending on what the target audience is, McPerv will be more or less explicit. Often afraid to actually write and publish erotica, McPerv will skip the actual naughtiness and settle for suggestions and excessive flirting. The Unresolved Sexual Tension of the main characters will put the X-Files duo to shame. Might develop into Honest McPerv and embrace the world of adult fiction.

  • Grumpy McCop: Usually writes crime novels or westerns. Loves writing older men who are cynics and loners but who ultimately warm up to the inexperienced, slightly naive female character. The main character, while not being a member of law enforcement, usually has a lot of friends with expensive forensic laboratories. McCop will often try to excuse themselves by adding a fitting background (ex-cop, ex-military, ex-fed, insanely rich businessman).

  • Crusader McCause: Uses the stories as his or hers political statement. Whatever is wrong with the world, McCause will find it and create a world where the issue doesn’t exist or is fixed.

  • Great McRight: McRight can do no wrong. Every character is awesome, every plot twist is original and well written. Responds badly to critique. Either acts defensive towards the commenter or stores the emotional pain inside, secretly hating every comment.

  • Now after having decided that I don’t need any dignity, I will admit to being a mixture of Para McNormal, Dark McTwisted and Grumpy McCop. I love writing about vampires and werewolves, questionable happy endings and ex-cops who need guidance when it comes to relationships. However it’s my personal goal to one day perfect my Glitter McPink style and write a saga of a nerdy girl and her puppy. And if you have nothing that would indicate you’re a McWriter, check if you’re writing McNovel.


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