For Those Who want To Make a Good Novel
A writer's circle with 15 members, created on February 18.
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Description
For those who want to have a great book published
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read my stuff please asap!!! maybe to be published in stores soon... idk ill keep you posted
~Fainne
ps: i have a poem that is really short and has gotten good
reviews so far- please read and tell me what you think. click my
name, scroll down, click the title of Lost Sister 
This circle is for anybody who wants great feedback on their novel. I was also wondering if this novel that I wrote, Carmine Being and The Midnight Rose which has a preview of Chapters 1 and 6. I was wondering if anyone who will read this will give me feedback on my novel on if it is good enough to become a good novel if possible. The story is about two troubled valentines who try to find a way to restore their lost passions. Here is what I have now:
1
A T O N E M E N T
Venus,
There's something I had to tell you
for a long time, now. But now, it would be a bit too complicated
for you to handle.
And even if I told you now, you
still wouldn't understand...
In the deep consuming darkness of
the night, the details of what I wanted to tell ever so badly would
just become more complicated for you. I'd just have to keep it
bottled in my mental confines.
And yet it's something I wanted to
keep from you. A secret that's the key to breaking our relation.
Too much tension. Yet too much guilt.
The thoughts just wouldn't shut up.
Would they?
I read the sullen expression on
Vincent, with assumed thoughts and all. He just stood there with a
cold presence that constantly emanated from his troubled
thoughts. It was like something that he wanted to atone for - a sin
when it came to our romantic relations. And yet from the look on
his face - a silenced hate which eluded itself from the exposure of
the world, he wanted to atone there by himself. I wanted to know
what he wanted to tell me.
Tell me now, Vinny boy.
"What were you keeping from me all this
time?" '
He refused to look a single glance at
me.
"I just want to be alone..."
He walked away, brushing his dark,
seemingly cold-hearted presence against my body, shrouding himself
and his intentions away. He seemed like a boy who was
cuffed down by his own thoughts and atonement, forced to hear them
word for word, in horrific detail with words dripping in a romantic
guilt trip.
His darkness, a black ribbon pulled him like an obsession for
sin.
It wrapped around me, and cut me with deep pain.
He was but a lost soul however, he longed for a way to purge
away his sin into a realm of nothingness. Beyond his cold look I
had briefly come upon, was a vast expression of agony - far more
deeper than his evils alone...
*
* *
Yet in this story of two troubled valentines, even with the
pain that Vincent had to go through --- behind the woe and sorrow,
the truth of his secret lies ahead of me.
Something he didn't want me to know all these years--- so he
kept it from me.
"Something that is the key to breaking our relations ...
"
Yeah, I could just picture him saying that, his voice sounding
dark and foreboding. And somewhere in the setting of the mansion's
porch, the west wind breezed through --- maybe signifying our
relations...
Blowing far away . This story I had lived through was like a
novel I had read, Touched By Temptation. It went
something like:
"There was an angel of temptation ---- a black corruption
which had taken over his heart.
Like the addicting nectar of The Forbidden Fruit to
Seraphio, a seemingly pure angel. He
exchanged an emotionless glare at me, almost as emotionless
as his pale face. His
heavenly white eyes had peered endlessly as his silver hair
blew freely in the wind's
gust.
It was an atoning he housed within himself, beyond his
vastly pure exterior ."
The words It was an atoning he housed within himself,
beyond his vastly pure exterior had given me a slight shiver,
that there was a possible link between Vincent and Seraphio, like
brothers in the same conflict -- forever lost passions.
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